A sound demanded my attention and my eyes opened to find Calix standing against the railing. He was watching me. Intently.
“Calix,” I breathed, instantly feeling every inch of my body growing alert with uncertainty and eagerness. I hated being without him - no matter the cruel man that he was, I loved him and I wanted him with me. But I also was uncertain of him - uncertain of his intentions and his temper.
“Love,” Calix moved slowly across the deck to lower himself onto the corner of the chair. He placed his hand on my belly and I tensed. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you.”
This was big. This was freaking huge! Calix McKnight was apologizing? Wow!
Somehow, I schooled the shock right out of my tone. “Don’t ever tell me I have to fuck you, Calix. Yes, I am your wife, but every time I give my body to you, it will be because I want to give my body to you.”
He was silent for a long moment before his eyes met mine and he spoke. “You love every soldier in this war?”
Oh shit. I’d completely forgotten I’d said that. But it was the truth. I did love every soldier in this war I stood center field in. Every soldier - including Calix.
With Calix’s blue eyes on my face now, watching me consider his question and my reply, I knew this moment was a special one. It was a moment of significance. This was a moment to turn the tables - a moment to change the course of our future. I had to reply carefully and honestly. I had to consider every angle of allowing Calix, a man of power and revenge, to hold the knowledge that he held my heart.
Meeting his eyes once again, I saw a hope in them that shattered all my carefully assembled defenses. I saw a beauty in a rare vulnerability that flashed in the features of his face. This was a side of Calix he hadn’t allowed me to see before. This was a side of Calix I had a feeling he hid from even himself. This was a side of Calix I wanted to culture and adore.
“Yes.” I whispered and then more firmly, I added. “I love every soldier in this war, Calix.”
He hissed in a sharp breath and his eyes fluttered closed, as though he were filing away this memory into a safe place in his mind no one could ever violate.
I wasn’t finished, though. Shifting onto my knees, I climbed into his lap, straddling his hips as I caught his face in my hands. “I love you, Calix McKnight.”
And then I saw something that both broke my heart and built it strong. Calix McKnight had tears shimmering in his warm blue eyes.
Leaning down, I pressed my lips to his. My kisses were soft and sweet, because I felt certain it was what he needed. And I wanted to be everything he needed.
When I pulled back to gaze down into his face, I found he was watching me with slight confusion and I felt my heart give a little dance of uncertainty in my chest.
“How?” As he spoke, he circled his arms around my waist as though he were afraid I might leave him.
I frowned. “How what?”
“How can you love me?”
“I,”
“I’ve taken so much from you.” He said on a short breath. “I’ve hurt you. I’ve lied to you. I’ve broken promises and vowed to hurt those you love.” Again he shook his head as though lost and I held his face tighter, pressing my forehead to his. “How can you love someone like me?”
“I just do.” I whispered. “The heart has no choice in who it loves, Calix. That isn’t how love works.”
“Nova,”
“Calix, I love you.” I pressed my lips to his forehead. “Demons and all, I love you.”
His arms tightened around my waist again and it wasn’t long until I found myself pressed tight against his chest. My hands were in his hair, and I was holding his head tight to my throat as he breathed me in as though trying to memorize my scent. As though he thought me might lose it. This thought sent a small flutter of panic through my body that was quickly snuffed when Calix spoke against my throat.
“I called my doctor.” I tensed in his arms, but he continued. “I’m flying her here. She will be here tomorrow and you will be on birth control.”
“Oh,” I had no idea what to say to this. He was flying his doctor to Greece so that I could get on birth control?
Again, the man had too much money.
“I can’t not be inside you, love.” He sounded agonized when he spoke these words, and for the first time, I found myself wondering, was he actually addicted to me as he’d claimed to be? Could he truly not handle there being something between us? Was a condom so bad?
“Calix, we can use a condom until we get back,”
He cut me off. “We can’t. I don’t want any barriers between us, love. Not time, not distance, and certainly not rubber. I need to be with you - completely.”