Bleeding Heart (Captured Miracle Book 2)(40)

“Oh.”

“Nova,” he sighed but my heart was already pounding.

“Um,” I licked my lips and his eyes chased the movement with a hunger that lit a fire of desire in my belly. “I think I’d like to take a shower.”

“We can do that.” He agreed gently and I froze.

His eyes darkened as I protested in low tones. “Um,” My voice was shaking without an ounce of control now. “Can I have a moment? Just this moment? Please.”

I knew my eyes were pleading with Calix - hell, every fiber of my being was pleading with him to allow me this moment to prepare myself for this night. Finally, he nodded and when he spoke, there was a slight strain to his voice. “I’ll be in the hot tub.”

“Okay.” I agreed quickly before making a dash for the bathroom. Closing myself in the small but very elegant room, I forced myself to face the mirror. And then I forced breathing exercises on myself. And then I forced my hands to release the white-knuckled grip I had on the lip of the counter to then strip myself of my clothing. I had to stop fighting this. I had to stop over thinking everything that could go wrong - every way this could hurt - every way he could break my heart if I gave him this part of myself. My innocence. If only I could allow myself to stop thinking and just feel him, I knew I could accept him and his plans for this night so much easier.

I thought of the time I had spent with Calix on the dock by the lake on his property. I’d been so close to being with him then. I had wanted, so desperately, to give myself all of him in that moment. I’d wanted to feel him. I’d wanted to know him and to be with him. But I hadn’t wanted that until I’d been close to him, lost in his mouth, his touch, and his eyes. His blue eyes were beautiful and there wasn’t another place on this earth that I could lose myself in so easily - so contentedly.

I tied my hair back before stepping into the stream of hot water. It ran over my body and I cleaned myself with the same honey scented soap Calix had supplied for me at his house - which made me smile. Obviously, he knew the things I liked and didn’t want to have to live without - because he made a point of always providing them for me.

Since the beginning, Calix had made an effort to provide for me small comforts. I simply hadn’t understood that until now. My breakfast of blueberries, milk and brown sugar, my honey scented soap and my macaroons were all proof that Calix knew me and tried to give me the comforts I needed. The fact that he knew these were small comforts of mine was in truth a little disconcerting, as he had found them out in a less than noble way, but he was still trying. That meant something to me.

I’d shaved every inch of my body with the razor that had been supplied for me in the bathroom despite the fact that I really hadn’t needed to shave as I’d had it done only the day before for our wedding. I knew I was wasting time, going through the motions to keep my mind from wandering to a place I held no ability to pull it back from. But I didn’t stop myself. By the time I had dried myself off and untied my hair, I was at a complete loss as to what I was supposed to do.

Did Calix want me to put on a bathing suit and join him in the hot tub? Did he want me to join him naked?

Oh hell, I knew he wanted me to join him naked. This was our honeymoon for goodness sakes! What bride wore a bathing suit to the hot tub she planned on sharing with her new husband?

Oh frick! I slammed my palm into my forehead as I did a little dance of panic at the door of the bathroom. When I was finished and had somewhat composed myself, I took a deep breath, tightened the fluffy ivory towel around my body and opened the door.

My breath caught in my throat as I stared through the closet into the bedroom. The pot-lights had been turned off and were replaced by the flickering flames of candles. They were everywhere - on every surface. The room smelled like warm vanilla and brown sugar and I felt my lips lift into a smile at the intoxicatingly soothing scent of the candles Calix had chosen. There were flowers - two arrangements of soft pink peonies - the same I’d carried in my hands while walking down the aisle to him. They had been placed on both bedside tables and when I looked further into the room, out onto the deck, I saw Calix was in the hot tub and there was a bottle of wine on ice with two shimmering glasses sitting next to him. A bowl of strawberries sat next to the glasses and my heart squeezed in my chest as I realized, that Calix had ensured I had everything and more that I wanted for this night.

I’d told him in a fit of emotion that I wanted my first time to be in a bed - check. I’d told him I wanted candles - check. I’d said I wanted wine - check. I’d told him I wanted my first time to be with my husband - check. I hadn’t said I needed flowers, but he gave me those too. And even more special was the fact that they were the flowers that offered me a comfort - a memory of my mother - and now a memory of the day I’d become my captor’s wife.