He lifted his hand from my stomach to cup the side of my neck, tilting my face toward him. He kissed away my tears, catching them before they fell into my hair from where they were rolling down my temples. He did this over and over again, kissing me, holding me, catching my pain and confusion against his tongue - tasting it - until I didn’t think I had another drop left in me.
“Is it all out, love?” Calix asked gently and I finally understood his actions. He had been encouraging me to feel, to exhaust my pain, my anger, and my confusion so that I might push myself past it.
I murmured. “I don’t know.”
“Look at me, Nova.” Calix pleaded, his hand still palming my neck. He ran his thumb over the length of my jaw as his fingertips touched the line of my hair. I realized he was cradling me.
Encouraging myself to open my tired eyes, I looked up into his face - into his cerulean eyes. They were pained, but determined. This frightened me. I don’t know why, but it did.
“I’m going to kiss you, love.” Calix informed, his voice deep and sure.
I nodded. What else was I supposed to do?
I watched him as he slowly lowered his mouth to mine. He kissed me gently - a simple kiss, before pulling away. I hadn’t wanted him to stop. More than anything, I just wanted him to take my mind off the insecurities I was feeling inside. I wanted him to love me. As soon as the thought came to my mind, I scolded myself.
Shifting beneath him, Calix pulled me tighter against his chest before lying down on his back, tugging my body on top of his in his recline. I settled against his chest as he cradled me in his arms. I fell into sleep as his fingertips traced soft shapes into the naked skin of my back.
Chapter 5
I woke in Calix’s arms the day before the wedding. My back was pressed tight against his front, and he was half lying on top of me. My one leg was bent and lifted and Calix’s leg covered it. Stirring, I felt his hard length against the flesh of my ass and I tensed.
This was how I had woken up every morning with Calix since our fight. We’d spent our days not talking about much - and there had been nothing sexual - what-so-ever, since the night we’d spent in the lake. Calix still kissed me. Actually, he kissed me a lot - and he was always touching me. A hand on my shoulder, the small of my back, or even on my thigh, but he hadn’t pleasured me in any way and neither had I pleasured him. It seemed he was determined to keep things between us from spiraling too far out of control before he was ready. Whatever the reason, it confused me. But what confused me more was his determined unwillingness to allow me to sleep with clothing on. I didn’t understand why, if he was avoiding all sexual activity, he wouldn’t want me to wear clothing to bed.
Holding my breath, I started to slide myself out from beneath him, and like every morning, I woke him up before I succeeded in my escape.
“Good morning, beautiful.” Calix moaned, tightening his arm around my belly where it was resting. “Where are you going?”
“Um,” I slouched against the bed. “I’m not tired anymore.”
“Where were you planning to go?”
“I don’t know.” I replied. “The pool, maybe?” I questioned.
He chuckled. “You want to go swimming?”
I bobbed my head against my pillow. “Sure. Why not?”
Calix grunted. “Alright, then lets go.”
“Lets?” I squeaked. “You’re planning to come with me?”
“Of course.”
“O-kay.”
His hand spread over my belly and then I felt my body spinning so that I was lying on my back - beneath him. His blue eyes were intense and pinned on my face. Like always, when I found myself beneath that blue gaze of his, my heart raced. “Did you not want me to come?”
“I don’t care if you come.” I said honestly. “I’m just swimming.”
His eyes tensed. “Get a swimsuit on.”
“You have to let me go first.” I whispered, feeling my heartbeat quicken to a painful high. And then, to my surprise, Calix released me.
Taking this moment to dart from the bed, I didn’t look back as I practically ran my naked behind into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. My chest was heaving heavily, my skin was warm, and my hands were trembling. Sometimes, Calix was intense. First thing in the morning, before my brain had really woken up, dealing with Calix was difficult - and that was putting it mildly.
I’d dressed myself in a white bikini and was struggling with the halter of the necktie when Calix walked into the closet - naked. And hard. My eyes focused on the roof to keep from looking at him as he chuckled. “It’s morning wood, love. It happens when I wake up against you.”