“Will you wait in here while I wash quickly, love?” Calix asked gently.
I knew better than to believe that when Calix asked a question, he expected anything less than acceptance.
So, despite the exhaustion seeping through my bloodstream, I nodded.
I stood in the back of the shower, feeling cold without the heat of the water or his body against mine, as Calix moved quickly through the motions of his shower. But not once, did he take his eyes off me. When he was finished showering, he turned off the water before reaching out to grab for a towel hanging beside the shower. It was fluffy and bronze like all of Calix’s towels - and I watched as he moved toward me.
Wrapping me in the soft fabric, he dried me off as though I were incapable of completing the small task myself. He even squeezed the water from my hair, before bending down and pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead.
When he was finished drying my body, he wrapped me up in the towel before seeing to his own body with the other towel. When he was finished drying himself, he hung his towel, took my hand in his, and led me to the sink. I watched through drooping eyelids as Calix loaded the toothbrush before handing it to me.
“Brush your teeth, love.” He said quietly.
I took the toothbrush and did as he requested as he brushed his own teeth. Again, not even a moment passed where I felt the heat of his eyes fall from my face.
When I was finished brushing my teeth, Calix put my toothbrush in the holder beneath the sink before leading me past the closet and into the bedroom. Guiding me to the bed, he pulled the blanket away from the bed before taking my towel. I climbed between the sheets feeling depressed and heavy as I closed my eyes. I heard Calix toss my towel onto the chair in the sitting area before he moved for the remote to the fireplace.
I whispered. “Can you leave it on?” My voice shook at the end of my request. “Please.”
I felt Calix turn to look back at me and when he spoke, his voice was low. “Yes.” He dropped the fireplace remote back onto the coffee table after turning it to low, before walking to the bed. The bed dipped as he moved the large weight of his body between the sheets, and my heart beat a desolate song in my chest.
“Nova?” Calix spoke my name on a low breath.
“Hmm?”
“I would like to hold you.” He shifted himself onto his side and I knew he was peering down into my face. Good thing my eyes were closed, I thought to myself.
“Then hold me.”
He moved a little closer and the bed shifted again. “Do you want me to hold you?”
I thought about this for a moment. I knew as I withheld my reply, Calix was holding his breath. But the simple fact was that I wanted nothing more than to allow Calix to hold me throughout the night. Even the illusion that came with him holding me, protecting me, loving me - was better than nothing.
“Yes.” My reply was spoken on a strangled breath.
He wasted no time in gathering my body into his arms. Pulling me against his naked chest, Calix spooned me. This giant, rough man was spooning me - his captive - as though I were the thing he cherished most. I wished, with the entirety of my heart, that this was reality and that I really was the one he cherished most.
Calix nuzzled his face into my hair, inhaling my scent deeply. “My girl,” he breathed. “You don’t even realize the lengths I would go for you.”
My heart wept in response to his words. They tore me open from the inside - I wanted to believe them, but I knew Calix, and I knew those words were nothing more than words.
Painfully, my mind brought me back to his rejection and then his cold, harsh speech. I stiffened in his arms before burying my face into the pillow beneath my head. I suddenly wished I hadn’t asked him to leave the fire on. The last thing I wanted was for this man to stand witness to my tears - my Hollywood show of heartbreak.
Calix tightened his hold on me, kissing my shoulder, my throat, and the back of my neck. When my body continued to tremble in violent, silent sobs, Calix tugged me from the pillow. Looking down into my face, I saw his eyes darken as he studied me. My heart leapt in fear as I watched his face twist with emotions I didn’t understand. His golden skin looked flawless in the amber glow of the fireplace as shadows danced over the roof above him.
Dropping his head to mine, I thought he was going to kiss me - and I braced myself, but he didn’t. What he did shocked me more and had an even deeper impact on my heart. Calix touched the tip of his nose to mine before running it up my bridge. He kissed the skin between my eyes and I closed my eyes against this assault on my emotions - but he didn’t stop. His nuzzling of me was entirely primal. I had never experienced a moment so animalistic, so primitive - so meaningful without words. The way he rubbed his face against mine, his rough day-old shadow of hair rubbed against the smooth skin of my cheek and he breathed me in. Over and over again he did this until I was a sobbing mess in his arms. I felt confused, hurt, angry, and loved all at the same time.