She would leave, and his life would descend back into chaos and emptiness.
She’d left a book behind on the chair by his bed. A memory penetrated the darkness of his mind. She’d read to him for hours, sitting by his bedside.
He touched the ridged spine of the book, thinking of Alice’s supple spine, the feeling of her smooth skin beneath his hands.
Think this through, Nick.
What if he convinced her to stay? She would resent him, maybe not right away but eventually, for ruining her dream.
What if she went to India and he convinced her to come back to him? They would spend years apart. Her requirement was fidelity. He could be true to her, but what if she forgot about him? She’d probably find her affable professor in Calcutta. And then what would Nick be? Just the wild ride she left behind.
Good for sexual gratification but not exactly the makings of a safe, stable partner.
There was nothing stable about his life. He lived on the edge of life, always testing its limits. Ride hard. Drink hard. Don’t care too deeply about anything because it’ll all go to hell sooner rather than later.
The duke will die.
Mother only wants her allowance.
No brother, sister, no bonds of flesh. Escape into pleasure because that’s the best hiding place.
Alice’s light and power should never be dimmed. She’d been held back by her mother trying to hedge her into a domestic, conventional role, but she’d found a way to escape.
She read poetry in Sanskrit. She took charge of difficult situations. She was kind to his father. She lightened Nick’s heart.
When he’d agreed to their arrangement, he’d known that bedding her would be pleasurable. He hadn’t known that it would change him.
She smiled, and he believed that life held some meaning and that he had a future.
You’re getting older, Nick. Flannel waistcoats and quiet nights by a fireplace reading with his wife didn’t sound so pathetic anymore. Maybe that’s what he wanted.
Sometimes I fall in love six times before breakfast. I worship every woman I bed and I adore them until the moment they leave.
The words he’d so glibly spoken only two months ago. The problem was he’d tumbled into infatuation with Alice and he’d never climbed back out again.
He was still there, mired in this need for her, this wanting that never waned, never grew cold.
Kali hopped onto the bed, and Nick caught her in his arms and scratched between her ears.
At first the cat stiffened, not sure how she felt about his big presence next to her on the bed, but then, when he found the right spot with his nails, she sighed and stretched her little paw out to touch his arm.
“Kali,” he said, feeling foolish for talking to a cat, but needing to tell someone. “I care for your mother. I don’t want to, but I do. But I can’t tell her because it would seem as though I were trying to make her stay here in England, when I want her to have her adventure.”
Kali’s tail thumped against the bed and her eyes closed.
Nick picked her up and cradled her in one palm while he scratched under her chin. What a sweet thing she was when she was in the right mood.
“We have to follow the plan, Kali,” he whispered into her ear.
Kali raised her head and flattened her ears.
“We have to,” Nick protested. “She’d think I was trying to keep her here for selfish reasons.”
You are trying to keep her here for selfish reasons.
“You want me to tell her? Let her make her own decision?”
Kali purred approvingly.
Nick kissed the top of her head. “Thanks for the talk.” He set her down, and she blinked sleepily and settled back into the covers.
Could there be anything more heart melting than a big, strong man holding a fluffy cat, scratching its chin, and whispering in its ear? Alice thought as she watched Nick and Kali.
People express love in different ways.
Some people don’t say anything; they use actions to speak their heart.
Had Nick been trying to tell her he loved her when he did those nice things for her?
Now what was he doing? Crooning a nonsensical ditty about lion tamers and fearsome huntresses to Kali in an off-key voice.
Drat! Alice wished he wouldn’t do things like that. It wrung her heart out like wet linen and hung it out to dry.
He glanced up and saw her watching. He sat up straighter, Kali still curled in his lap. “Alice, come here.” He patted the bed next to him.
She sat in the chair instead. She didn’t want him to touch her anymore. Every time he touched her would make it more painful when she left.
“I’ll see if there are other ships going to Calcutta tomorrow, Nick.”
“No need,” he said. “Lear will take you.”
“He will?”