“When you’re hungry for so long, you stop feeling hunger. It’s a relief, but it’s also the moment when your body starts to feed on itself, cannibalizing your muscles for energy. You barely have enough strength to move, let alone think. It’s the most terrifying and humbling experience anyone can ever know. It makes you understand just how fragile you are, that you’re susceptible to something everyone else takes for granted.”
I hadn’t blinked once. The pain in my chest was impossible to understand. I didn’t feel sympathy for other people, not after what I’d experienced. People always thought they understood true suffering, but their problems were always petty. But with Rome, I’d met my match.
“You’re doing it again.”
I didn’t look away. “Doing what?” My voice came out weak, and I didn’t clear my throat. The weakness escaped, and I couldn’t hide it.
“You feel bad for me.”
“How can I not?” I would have to be dead to feel nothing.
“Because I’m one of the lucky ones.” Her voice grew strong once again, full of life and vibrancy. “I got out of that situation, and now I’m free. I have access to food and water whenever I need it, and there’s not a single person in the world who can deprive me of it. Most people don’t get out. Most people don’t survive. But I did. So don’t look at me like that anymore. Please.”
I rested my hand on the table but couldn’t break my gaze. And I certainly couldn’t change the way I felt. “You’re asking me to do something that I can’t do. I’m sorry.”
“Just don’t think about it.” She pushed her empty plate off to the side then sipped her wine. She finally broke eye contact with me, staring at the surface of the table.
“Was Christopher in that basement with you?”
“No. He was in a different basement in a different place. We met once we were placed in the same foster care. I was fifteen, and he was sixteen. We understood each other from the moment we met. Everyone has their own unique hardship, but ours were strangely similar. We decided we were family, brother and sister. And when families came to adopt us, we said we were a pair. If you wanted one of us, you had to have both.”
The story was fascinating, but I wished it wasn’t true. “I noticed he doesn’t eat much either.”
“He had it worse than I did. He was locked in his basement for a whole week.”
How Christopher was so warm and fun was beyond me. Both of them were unnaturally strong and kind. Without knowing about their pasts, I wouldn’t have guessed it. It was a miracle they got through it, let alone escaped with their minds intact. “After that, everything was okay?”
“No.” She shook her head. “The man who adopted us seemed normal in the beginning. But once the social workers stopped checking on us because they assumed we were in a good home, his true colors came out. When we were both eighteen, we ran away and started our new lives.”
I couldn’t bear to hear any more of this story. Knowing she starved alone inside a dark basement was enough to make me snap. I couldn’t handle any more of it. I’d assumed I was devoid of all emotion, unsympathetic to anyone and anything, but she proved how wrong I was. “I’m sorry for my behavior at the food drive.” Now I understood why she was so upset. I understood I crossed a line I shouldn’t have crossed.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “You didn’t know.”
Now I wish I did.
“I didn’t tell you this so you could treat me differently. I didn’t explain my past so you would be delicate with me. I assure you, I’m a happy person who feels lucky to be alive. Give your sympathy to someone who truly deserves it.”
No matter what she said, I couldn’t give her what she wanted. I didn’t look at her as weak. Quite the contrary. But the inexplicable need to protect her came forth. I wanted to buy her the world so she wouldn’t have to worry about anything ever again. “And there was some asshole boyfriend in the picture too?” I probably shouldn’t have said that, but now my rage was doing all the talking.
She eyed me suspiciously until she figured out how I knew that information. She was on the phone at her office when I walked inside and heard her entire conversation. Instead of showing her anger, she kept it back. “You don’t want to hear about him.”
“As your boyfriend, I need to know.”
“When did we decide you were my boyfriend?” The fierce opponent I met in the bar was staring back at me. She wasn’t easily provoked, but she became very defensive when she was cornered.