His gaze fell to his feet. “I had a lot to atone for. I thought if I did some good, maybe then I wouldn’t feel so fucking guilty.”
“And did it work?”
His brows snapped together as he pondered it. “The Army gave me a new family. Logan, Oz, Hunter, and Rowan are my band of brothers. And there was always something to do. Someone to talk to.” He shook his head. “But no, the guilt never left. So when I got out, I got my shit together and took over Hayes Industries as CEO. I owed it to my parents after killing them.”
He didn’t know how fortunate he’d been to have two parents who had genuinely loved him. She would’ve given anything to have had that herself.
Her parents should’ve never had kids. They’d had nothing to give to them but lessons on how to steal and cheat their way through life. At least Asa had gotten a bit of affection from their Mom. But it was as if once she’d given it, she’d run out of her limited supply and had been incapable of giving it to anyone else.
If Lisa had kids, she’d not only tell them every day how much she loved them, she’d show them.
“I think you’re admirable for sacrificing your dreams for your father’s,” she said. “But he wouldn’t have wanted that for you.”
Proving she was starting to get to him, he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Didn’t you hear what I told you?”
“Yes.” She hooked her arms around his neck. “I heard you tell me about a terrible night when a young kid got into an argument with his father. I also heard the love in your voice. Sawyer, they loved you, too. The unconditional kind that children deserve from their parents. He would’ve come around because he loved you and wanted your happiness. Maybe you would’ve compromised. Or maybe your father would’ve realized that he didn’t own your dreams. But I do know this. Your parents wouldn’t want you running a company if it made you miserable. Because when you love someone unconditionally, you’ll sacrifice your own happiness for theirs. He would’ve done that for you. And he would’ve been proud of whatever you did decide to do with your life.”
He was quiet a long time, indecision warring in his eyes. When her words finally sunk into his stubborn mind, his hands left the safety of his pockets and his arms came around her.
She didn’t say anything, waiting for him to speak.
“You certainly know a lot about unconditional love and sacrifice,” he said, sensing she hadn’t been solely referring to his parents. He took a step backward, grasping both her hands in his. “Now that I’ve told you my secrets, are you ready to share yours?”
Lisa looked up at her husband, a man with personal demons as dark as her own, and realized her father had been wrong.
Trusting Sawyer wouldn’t blow up in her face.
Her father had controlled her with fear.
Well, fear was the opposite of trust, and it had ruled her life for far too long. Fear had kept her and Sawyer apart. It was time to fight back against it and embrace a world where she trusted those she loved. People like her friends and their husbands. People like her Master.
But her secrets didn’t belong to her alone anymore. Maybe they never did. Her parents had made certain they entangled their children in their destructive web, never intending for them to free themselves. She and Asa had escaped, running as far as they could, only to discover they hadn’t severed all the ties that bound them to the past and one another.
Would Asa help her cut that last remaining thread? If he didn’t, if he asked her to keep it all a secret, she would have to make the impossible choice between her brother and her husband. She prayed that wouldn’t happen.
She rested her head on his heart, letting his strong beat give her the power she needed to reveal the truth to him. “Before I tell you everything, I’d like to go see my brother at his hotel.”
He caressed his hand down her back soothingly. “The reason you won’t tell me. It has something to do with him, doesn’t it?”
She sighed against him, not ready to leave his arms or Benediction. “Your secrets were tied to your family. Does it surprise you mine are as well?”
“No.” He kissed the top of her head. “After what you told me about your parents, I’m not surprised. It’s painted a picture of what it must have been like for you to survive all those years.”
“So you understand why I need to go see Asa.”
“I think I do. Text him and let him know we’ll come by in the morning.”
It wasn’t something she could do with Sawyer by her side. He’d already gotten into a pissing match with her brother at her office. She didn’t want to take the risk that Sawyer would somehow offend her brother again.