“How did that work for him? “
“Well he couldn’t take the big jobs, of course. Or the ones where you’ve got to have someone to watch your back. But he was still alive when I moved on. I imagine he probably still is, tough as he was. “
Leia sighed. “Maybe that’s it, ” she said. “Maybe the way the Yevetha see themselves, they have to be standing alone, owing no one anything. The viceroy hasn’t given me a single concrete reason to hope for an agreement on any terms but his-except for the fact that he comes back day after day. “
“Then why continue? ” Han said, propping him self up on his elbows so he could see her better in the dimly lit room. “It’s been eating up your time and stealing your energy for two months now. “
“Because Nil Spaar’s not like that, ” said Leia. “He’s reasonable, even though the League isn’t ready to be. He’s even friendly at times, even though the League doesn’t want to be. Right now, the only thread that connects the League and the Republic is our personal relationship. “
“Pretty thin thread, isn’t it? “
“I don’t think so. The viceroy is more open-minded than whoever wrote his orders. I have a very clear sense that he wants me to succeed-he’s trying to give me time. He hopes I’ll find a way to bring us together. “
“Are you sure you’re not just trying one more time to win your argument with Luke? “
“What do you mean? “
“If the Yevetha want to hide away out there like so many hermits, I’m not sure why they should care how we feel about it, ” Han said, shrugging. “Unless you’re thinking about twisting arms. Which you probably could, this time. “
“I’m not thinking about any such thing, ” Leia said tersely. “Haven’t you been listening? “
“I’m just trying to figure out why it matters so much to you to make something happen when this business with the viceroy is obviously going nowhere, ” Han said defensively.
“Maybe that’s why, ” Leia said, looking down at her hands. “Maybe because I’m the only one in that room with him. No one else can do this but me. ” She hesitated. “Maybe some little part of me is still trying to prove that I belong here. “
“No one questions that. “
“That’s kind, Han, but it’s not true. It’d be no trouble at all to make you a list of a hundred senators who’d be delighted to see me go. “
“Well-you can’t please everyone. If everybody likes you, you’re probably not doing your job. “
“It’s not about being liked, ” Leia said, then hesitated. “I guess I question whether I belong here. “
Han rolled toward her. “Now that’s just crazy. “
“No, it isn’t. I never realized how much Mon Mothma did, or how hard it was. This job is so overwhelming. Everyone always wants a piece of you. It takes someone special to deal with it all. “
“You are someone special, boss lady. “
“Some days I just don’t feel up to it, ” she said, shaking her head. “Behn-kihl-nahm, now, he’d be a
terrific president. He’s got
the experience, the insight, the patience-he’s been here more than thirty years, Han. Half the time I feel like an accident of history. What happens if you and Luke don’t get it into your heads to rescue me? Poof. No Princess Leia. “
“I seem to remember a certain feisty young princess taking charge of her own rescue, ” Han said dryly. “I don’t know if any of us would have gotten out of there without all of us. “
“The point is, I could easily have died on the Death Star, ” Leia said. “I don’t doubt that my father was capable of killing me to get what Grand Moff Tarkin wanted. “
“You never have talked about that. “
“I don’t like even thinking about it, ” she said.
“He didn’t know you were his daughter. “
She smiled sadly. “That says something, doesn’t it? Oh, listen to me-I’m sounding more and more like Luke all the time. This is why I hate looking back. Nothing good comes from looking back. “
“So why are you doing it? “
“Because you asked me why these negotiations matter to me, ” she said.
Then she quickly amended her answer, saying, “No-that’s not fair to you. It’s not your doing. I’ve been lying here for an hour afraid to go to sleep, and I can’t think of anything else but. “
“Oh, ” said Han. “Did you dream about Alderaan again? “