[Black Fleet Crisis(37)

“I suppose not, ” he said slowly.

“It wasn’t until the Emperor was overthrown that I could even think of looking-I was too afraid I would betray them. And even then, it’s hard for a young woman on Carratos to become wealthy enough to leave it. Especially to leave in her own ship, owing and answering to no one. “

“So you’re looking for them now. And you say my mother could be with them. ” He shook his head. “My mother-she’s been such a mystery to me my whole life that I can’t let myself believe you know anything of her. I don’t even know her name. “

“She may have had other names, ” Akanah said. “Many of us do. But among the body, she is known as Nashira. It is a star-name, and thought a high honor. “

“Nashira, ” Luke echoed in a whisper.

“Yes, ” she said. “Luke, I know that there’s an emptiness inside you where memories of your mother should be, a weakness where what she would have taught you would have strengthened you. “

“Yes-“

“There’s an emptiness in my life, too, and for the same lack. I’ve come here to ask you to go away with me, and help me find our people, so you and I can both be whole again. “

“I don’t think I’ve ever been whole, ” said Luke, turning his face from her. “The pieces of my life were scattered by a storm before I ever had a chance to tackle the puzzle. And every missing piece that turns up completely changes the picture. I was alone, and then there was Leia-my sister. I was an orphan, and then there was Anakin-Vader-my father. “

He laughed to himself. “I wanted to go to school just to get off the farm, and then my father’s mentor came to me, and taught me the secrets of a power I didn’t know I had. I was the adopted son of a moisture farmer living next door to nowhere, and then there was a lightsaber, and enemies-the most powerful men in the galaxy-who wanted me dead. “

Luke turned and looked back at Akanah. “I don’t know if I’m ready to redraw the picture again. Maybe that’s what keeps me from believing you. I want to know my mother. You’re right about that. But maybe I’m just a little bit afraid to. And that’s a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long time. “

“I knew when I came here that this would be a great shock, ” she said. “But you must reclaim this piece of what you are. “

“I don’t know who you are, ” Luke said stubbornly. “I don’t know that anything you’ve said is true. “

“Then I will tell you some things that you know are true, ” said Akanah. “Your father was lost to the dark side, and you were forced to try to kill him. You were nearly lost to the darkness yourself. That must weigh heavily on you-wondering if you carry his weakness. “

“I’ve faced that test, ” Luke said defensively.

“And would you have survived it without Leia? “

Luke Skywalker had no answer for that question.

“Perhaps that is why you cannot let yourself love without fear, ” Akanah said softly. “Perhaps that is why you have no children of your own. You must fear that you will repeat your family’s tragedy in another generation. You must fear that someday you will find yourself ready to kill your own son, and him ready to kill you. “

“NO-“

“You must fear yourself. How could you not? How could anyone, if he had walked your path? The bond that links you to all the horrors of Darth Vader’s reign is a terrible burden. Is that not why you’re here? ” she asked pointedly. “Isn’t that the meaning of this structure? You may have forgiven Anakin Skywalker-but you know the Republic can never forgive Vader for his crimes in the service of Palpatine. “

Luke was beyond denial. “How do you know all this? ” he asked hoarsely.

“I’ve studied you-before I came here, and since. Hero of the Rebellion, Jedi Master, defender of the Republic, ” she said. “Even on Carratos, we hear all the stories. And I saw in them all the things I’ve said to you. “

Turning half away from her, Luke shook his head.

“No. That can’t be. I’ve voiced those fears to no one. No one. “

Akanah glided closer. “They’re written in your eyes, and lie heavy on your spirit. You’d see them yourself, but for the blindness we all have when we look in a mirror, ” she said. “But remember this, Luke-your strength in the Force did not come only from your father. The gift of the Light came from your mother-and your mother was of my people. That is why your heart is telling you you must come with me. “