“Maybe they hid out in the sticks so no one else would get hurt if Vader showed up, ” Han suggested. “You’ve gotta admit, when you guys fight, it has a way of getting messy. We’ve got a few monuments to that fact downtown in Imperial City.
Luke shook his head. “No. I discovered the real reason while I was on Yavin-the dilemma that every Jedi eventually faces. I discovered a very important and difficult truth, Han-a frustrating truth. The stronger you become in the Force, the more that you can do, the more that’s expected of you, and the less your life belongs to you. “
“Is this the answer, then? ” Han said, gesturing at the room with one hand. “Running away? “
“Call it that if you must. It’s one answer. There’s another, even less appealing, ” Luke said. “Han, I’m convinced that for each Jedi, there comes a point at which he or she must choose. When the world presses in on you, threatens to drive you mad, there’re only two ways you can find peace. One is to impose your will on everyone and everything around you. The other is to surrender your will, your ego, and withdraw from those who are always wanting you to ‘fix’ their lives. “
“I don’t see it, ” Han said stubbornly.
Luke smiled. “Try to imagine that you’re at home. One of the children is screaming, and the other two are tugging at your elbows, each demanding that you punish the other for some slight. “
“Routine, ” Han said.
“Chewbacca is playing tree-drum
music at ear-splitting
levels. SeeThreepio is nattering on about nothing. Artoo-Detoo is behind your chair, arguing with the household droids in Basic. The hypercomm is blaring two channels at once, both too loudly. Your comlink is chirping in your pocket. You have three messages from people who want you to come do them a favor, and Leia’s insisting on your attention. Lando has a raucous sabacc game going in the next room, there’s someone at the front door, and a flight of airspeeders keeps buzzing right over your head. “
“Okay, that’d be a little worse than routine, ” Han conceded. “A little. “
“Now imagine it goes on around the clock for a day, ten days, a month, half a year, a year-not only without a break, but getting worse all the time. Until you reach your limit, whatever your limit might be. What are your choices? Control your environment, or leave it. “
“Or go mad and destroy it, ” Han said. “Which hardly counts as a choice. Yeah, I think I get the picture now. “
“Do you see what a thin line separates Palpatine and Yoda? ” Luke said earnestly. “Palpatine sought power over others. Yoda sought power from within. Palpatine wanted control of everything, in the hopes of building what he thought would be a perfect universe. Yoda gave up the idea of controlling or perfecting the universe, in the hopes of understanding it. “
“You know, ” Han said slowly, “I always kind of wondered why you drew the short straw, why Yoda and Obi-Wan didn’t team up and take on the Emperor themselves-“
“Yes! ” Luke said, his face more animated than Han had seen it since arriving. “I think that’s why it fell to me, Han. That’s why I had to be the one to face Vader. I still had the passion to reshape things, a passion ObiWan and Yoda had moved beyond. Surrender disarms you. “
Han’s expression showed his disgust. “It’s pretty useless, then, isn’t it? Jedi Knights who won’t fight? “
“Han, try to understand. The essence of the dark side is using the Force to control others. I know that temptation firsthand. If you champion that idea, you’re thinking just as Palpatine and my father did-‘I have the power, and it’s mine to use as I wish. ‘ Do you want that to be the code we live by? Should the Jedi rule the galaxy, simply because we can? “
“Well-now that you put it that way-“
“Good, ” Luke said. “But then understand that there’s a price. When a Jedi renounces that path, it becomes very hard to be a warrior, to lead a crusade. Obi-Wan and Yoda weren’t afraid to fight, or to die. They felt the suffering the Empire was causing just as acutely as any of us did-probably more so. I wasn’t stronger than them, or wiser. I was raw, headstrong, reckless. But I had to be the one to challenge the Emperor-because I still could. “
Han frowned and cocked his head. “What about now? “
“Now? I don’t know, ” Luke said, shaking his head. “I don’t know if I could do it now. I don’t know if I could summon the outrage. I feel myself standing on a dividing line, at a cusp. I don’t know what I should be doing with these gifts-these burdens. It’s the question I’ve come here to explore. “