She’d been five years too young, but she hadn’t wanted to wait. She’d loved him too much. Wanted him too badly.
To her utter humiliation, the tears began to fall. To her mortification, Zee began to smile. It was a sad smile that didn’t meet his eyes, but it was a smile all the same.
“You were wrong, sweetheart. On all counts. It wasn’t disgust or anger I was feeling. Not with you. I’d been riding a razor-sharp edge of control with you for two years. Wanting you. But you were too young. My control had been thinning by the day because you were starting to feel the same. I could see the desire in your eyes, but you were too young!”
Julianne shook her head. “No.” He couldn’t just rewrite ten years of her life.
But Zeeland didn’t stop. “And when you offered me your virginity that night, it was all I could do not to haul you into my arms and cover your mouth with mine. If I had, I knew deep inside my soul, I wouldn’t have been able to pull back. I would have given you exactly what you asked me to, exactly what we both wanted. So I pushed you away with the last ounce of strength I possessed and ordered you out of my reach before I broke the law of our kind. And I left, putting an ocean between us so I couldn’t lose my resolve until you were of age.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I thought you knew.”
“Why didn’t you ever call? I thought you forgot about me.”
Zeeland groaned. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. If I’d heard your voice…I don’t think I could have stayed away. Instead, I talked to Serenity and Gray. I asked about you, checked up on you, nearly every day, Sunshine. Nearly every day.”
She stared at him with a mixture of disbelief and wonder. “I didn’t know. I knew they talked to you, but they never told me you asked about me.”
“I asked them not to say anything. I suppose I was afraid you’d try to find me.”
“I might have.” If she’d known he still cared. If she’d realized she hadn’t sent him away in disgust. Her heart tried to lift, tried to shake off ten years of carrying the weight of that night, but something still didn’t fit.
“If you stayed away because I wasn’t of age, why didn’t you come back when I turned twenty-five?”
He watched her for long minutes, his expression at once thoughtful and pained. “I don’t know,” he said at last.
But she knew. At some time during those ten years, she’d stopped mattering. Nothing had really changed at all. Maybe he hadn’t left for the reason she’d thought, but in the end, it was all the same.
“Zeeland, it happened a long time ago. We’re not the same people we were then.” He had no idea how true that was in her case. She wasn’t what either of them had thought.
Zeeland cupped her face in his hands, his brown eyes warm and soft as he looked down at her. “I stayed away too long, Julianne, but I’m here now.” His thumb traced her cheekbone, his touch sending small shivers of delight skating over her skin.
His expression tightened, his eyes turning impossibly darker. “I haven’t stopped wanting you.”
His words sent a rush of damp heat straight to her core, as her pulse leaped into a fast, erratic pounding.
But with the flood of desire came dismay. This was worse than his probing questions. How could she push him away when all she wanted to do was to lean into his touch?
She steeled herself against the warmth of his fingers and the heat in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Zeeland, but I no longer feel the same way about you.” To her relief, her words came out with just the right amount of regret and pity.
But his expression told her he didn’t believe her. Not one bit.
Lightly, he brushed the pad of his thumb across her lower lip, startling a soft gasp from her. She told herself to move, to back away, but she couldn’t. His touch snared her in a net of sensations. Wonder sang through her heart. He’d never been horrified by her. He’d wanted her all along.
But it was too late.
“You’ve never been a liar, Julianne,” he said softly. “Don’t lie to me now.”
Her whole life had turned into one huge lie. “Zeeland, let me go.”
Instead, he lowered his face as if he meant to kiss her. Panic shot through her. She’d wanted this for too long. Too long. If he kissed her now, she’d be lost.
She turned her head. His lips brushed her cheek, his breath stirring the wisps of hair at her temple.
A shudder went through her. “Don’t.”
He ignored her whispered plea, trailing kisses along her cheekbone, around the curve of her ear, and down her jaw.