Bitten by Cupid(42)
“Dammit, Julianne.” He grabbed her shoulders.
She began to tremble beneath his touch, her longing to step into the circle of his arms almost too much to bear. He couldn’t know. She couldn’t let him know!
As if he could see right through her, could see her crumbling inside, his grip softened, his hands caressing instead of gripping.
“Sunshine…” The name he’d called her since he’d coaxed the first smile out of her all those years ago sounded soft and caring, tearing a strip from her soul. His warm hands slid down her upper arms and back up again, firm, yet infinitely gentle. “Something’s wrong, Julianne. I see it in your eyes. I hear it in your music. I feel it. You’re trembling, sweetheart.” His brows pulled down, his mouth hardening. “Is it Jag? Is he the one that hurt you?”
She couldn’t hide her surprise, and he seemed to see the truth clearly enough.
His brown eyes lost that razor-hard edge as his gaze searched hers. “Confide in me, Sunshine. You know you can tell me anything.”
The velvet-steel promise in his words tore at her resolve. Everything within her begged to believe he could handle her truths and keep them both safe. But she wasn’t a child anymore. She knew even childhood heroes could die.
And the only thing she could do for either of them was push him away.
“Zeeland…I have nothing to confide. I’m fine.”
His grip on her tightened, the plea sharp in his eyes. “Don’t lie to me. Please?”
“I’m all grown-up, Zee. I have a job and a life and relationships that have gotten complicated. You’ve been gone ten years. You don’t know me anymore.”
“I was told you weren’t with anyone in particular. Did they lie to me?”
“No,” she said with a sigh. “There’s no one in particular.” Everyone in the enclave knew it.
He stared at her, searching her face and her eyes, looking too deep. It was all she could do not to turn away, but she had to make him believe she was fine.
“Juli.” His expression softened, his hands caressed her shoulders. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left without telling you I was going. I should have called you.”
She stared at him, her brows drawing down with confusion. Had he forgotten that night? Forgotten why he left?
Or was he only pretending, as she was?
She shrugged, pulling that mask of indifference more firmly into place. “You were busy. As was I.”
“You’re mad at me. I don’t blame you.”
Mad? “I’m not mad, Zeeland. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not anything with regards to you.” She swallowed hard, forcing the lie. “I barely remember you.”
His mouth tightened, and he watched her, studying her. A single dark brow rose. “You barely remember the man you offered your virginity to?” he asked softly.
She flinched. Goddess, she couldn’t do this. “Let me go, Zeeland. I was young and foolish, and you’d turned my head. I’m not that girl anymore.”
His thumbs slid along the fabric covering her collarbones, but she felt the warmth of his flesh right through the dress. “So you feel nothing for me, now?”
“No.”
“Not anger?”
“Why would I be angry?”
“Not resentment?”
“Again, why?”
He released one shoulder and lifted his hand to brush his knuckles lightly over her cheek.
Her heart tripped, sensation racing over her skin. Her pulse began to pound as she watched his eyes darken.
“Not desire?” he asked softly.
“Don’t.” Julianne jerked away from his touch, stepping back out of his reach as the old humiliation rose to swamp her. How could he…? He’d acted like she was a slut for offering herself to him ten years ago and now…now he was treating her like one?
She whirled away from him, but he caught her before she’d taken a step.
“Juli…”
Tears burned her eyes. If they started falling, if he saw them, her humiliation would be complete. “Let me go, Zeeland.”
“Dammit, Julianne, talk to me. What just happened? I always used to be able to read you, but I’m lost here. I’m sorry for abandoning you ten years ago. It was unforgivable. But I did it for a reason. A reason I always assumed you knew. Don’t you know why I left?”
He gripped her jaw and lifted her face, forcing her to look at him.
She had to blink back the tears to see him through the moisture. “Don’t make me say it, Zee. I know. I saw the look of horror on your face. I heard the anger in your voice when you ordered me to my room. I felt the disgust in your hands when you pushed me away.”