“Ethan…”
She didn’t get to finish the sentence because he was already leaving the room.
He didn’t look at her as he spoke. “Eat your dinner, Mya. I called my lawyer about the situation with Lurlene. He’ll be here in a few minutes.”
“What about us?” Mya had to ask. She needed to know where his mind was.
This time he looked over his shoulder. She couldn’t tell anything from looking in his eyes. Ethan had his walls up, those barriers not to get hurt, and she felt sick knowing it was she who had caused it.#p#分页标题#e#
“That’s up to you, Mya. I don’t know what you want from me and if I’m able to give it,” Ethan answered.
“You were before,” she pointed out gently.
“Before I didn’t see disgust in your eyes when you looked at me.”
With those words, he left and closed the door behind him. She felt tears leave hot trails down her cheeks. She wasn’t angry at him but at herself, because it was she who had made him put up those walls, she who took that boyish light from his eyes and became another woman who had the potential hurt him. The stigma behind his name was bad enough, but then she made it worse by overreacting and not trusting the man she loved. She recalled how her heart jumped when he said he loved her even as they argued. Her heart jumped because she knew that she felt the exact same way.
She had to make this right. This time it was on her to prove to him that she loved him. He’d been jumping through hoops trying to prove that he cared. Now it was time for her to put on her big-girl panties and stop doubting him and herself at every step. Mya ate everything on the plate and drank the tea as he asked. He came in and asked how she was doing while he took the tray outside. No kiss, nothing else from him. Mya knew then she’d hurt him more than any gossip could.
She waited half an hour before heading to the bathroom to shower and change. She pulled out a sexy piece of lingerie made for pregnant women. It was deep purple, and the cups over her breasts were able to be unclipped, exposing the dark, full globes swollen from pregnancy. The sheer material was in a baby doll style. Dr. Keen had said she was to rest, and she lay in bed waiting for her husband to come to bed. She heard him talking. Sometimes the exasperation was evident in his voice. This wasn’t the best way to start a wedding night, and she worried her lower lip with her teeth. The door closed, and silence reigned, but Ethan still didn’t come to bed. Finally, it was almost eleven, and he hadn’t come back into the room. Mya got up and went to the living room area. He was lying on the plush sofa, his shoes kicked off, his tie off, and his shirt opened down to the waist. His hand covered his eyes and a five-o’-clock shadow graced his rugged jaw.
“Ethan?” She said his name softly.
He uncovered his eyes and sat up quickly. “Are you okay? Do we need to call Dr. Keen?”
Mya shook her head. “No, I’m fine. You didn’t come to bed.”
“I didn’t think you wanted me there. I was going to crash on the couch,” he explained simply.
“I’m sorry I was a bitch.”
He shrugged. “It was a lot to take in. You have a right to your feelings.”
“But I know you. I should never have doubted your intent.” She stepped closer. “I should never doubt how you feel for me.”
He looked up at her and swallowed. His voice was husky. “I can manage most things. I can deal with bad press and, hell, Lurlene’s lies. But it tore me apart to hear you think I was everything they painted me to be. I’ve been lying to myself.”
“How?” Mya asked. She felt her tears threaten to fall again.
“I thought I just had a thing for you, but for the past two years, I’ve loved you,” he answered truthfully. “Today it just dawned on me, because if you decided that our marriage wasn’t worth it, I’d have been lost. I’ve been using you as my anchor for a long time, lunches in my office, talking without it being work, late-night dinner over a project that needs to get done. How can I stay afloat and not drift away without my anchor?”
“Oh, Ethan, you don’t have to ever feel that way.” Mya pulled his head against her stomach and combed her fingers through his hair. “I can blame it on hormones, but it won’t be all true. I let my doubts about my own stupid mistakes cloud my judgment. I know you, better than I did Kyle, and I should know the kind of man you are. I’m sorry, so very sorry, I caused you pain. I love you, Ethan, and I’ll be the one that stands by your side through thick and thin.”
He looked up and cupped her cheek. “I’m glad to have my anchor back. I can’t live without her because I love her so damn much it scares me.”