No goddamn way.
And so I spent the better part of ten minutes trying to explain my side of this, which included my disbelief at the way she’d flat out deceived me. After her initial reaction, I was almost certain she wouldn’t give my argument much consideration at all. But, to my surprise, she heard me out and was receptive to it, if nothing else.
“Grey,” she said, as I finished making my case. “I understand what you’re saying and I am very sorry for what I did. I am. Even so, at the time I felt like it was what I had to do. And now, I feel like the worst… It’s come and gone. Something tells me the baby will make it and I will too. You believe me, don’t you?”
I exhaled a heavy breath as I looked down at her.
“Maddie, I think you’re incredibly brave.”
A slow, soft blink came to her eyes. “So what does that mean? That it’s okay with you?”
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t say that, Maddie. It’s not okay with me, but what choice do I have? It’s my child. I’ll do what is required of me. You have my word.”
For a moment, her eyes held a gleam of hope. But, as my response sunk in, a look of sadness took its place.
“So what does that mean?” she asked.
“Well, Maddie. It means that I can’t force you to do what I want you to do with your body. You know my view. I think you’re better off terminating the pregnancy. After all, your life is still at risk. Let’s be frank here. Is there anything I could say that would change your mind?”
She averted her gaze for a moment. Without turning back to face me, she shook her head.
“No,” she whispered.
I nodded as I reached down towards her, wrapping my fingers around her forearm.
“Okay then,” I began. “So all I’m left with is being in a position to support you financially, which of course, I will do.”
Maddie crossed her arms across her stomach, closing herself off from me. She kept her gaze fixed across the room, looking at nothing in particular.
“Maddie?”
Her expression turned vacant, distant. The look of sadness she’d worn earlier remained. At last, she cleared her throat and nodded.
“Thank you, Grey,” she muttered. “Thank you very much.”
I frowned. Her tone didn’t match her sentiment, not one goddamn bit. It felt like a formality rather than a genuine expression of gratitude.
I scoffed.
“So I tell you that I’m willing to do what you want as far as the baby is concerned, keep it and everything. Then, on top of that, I tell you that I’ll provide for the child so you never have to worry. And yet, somehow, this is a disappointment to you?”
She shook her head but still never turned back towards me.
“I never said that, Grey. In fact, I believe I just thanked you.”
“Funny, sure didn’t feel like it.”
Maddie thinned her lips as she swiveled her head back in my direction.
“Grey, I appreciate you visiting me, caring for me, our child. Okay?”
I looked at her as she spoke. The words changed to lies as they left her lips and reached my ear. But now wasn’t the time to get into any of it. Whatever she felt about what I said, or what she thought I said, could wait until another time. Right now, she needed to get well and so, for the both of us, I decided to let it go.
“The um, apartment is ready for you. I’ve got a full-time nurse on hand to watch over you when I’m not there.”
As I spoke, she twirled her hair around her fingertip. Once I’d finished her hand fell back into her lap. She crossed her fingers just below her bump.
“Thank you, Grey.”
I nodded but didn’t speak. There was nothing more to say.
“Is there anything else?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
An expectant expression came to her face as she looked up at me. She shook her head.
“It’s nothing.”
I bit the inside of my lip.
“Look Maddie, I care for you. All right? Very deeply. The simple fact that I’m here—that should demonstrate as much.”
She smiled at me through a mask of disappointment.
“I know you do, Grey. I believe you.”
MADDIE
I don’t know why I expected anything else from Grey.
After all, it wasn’t as if he’d ever told me I meant anything to him. Of course I was grateful he’d stepped up and agreed to fulfill his obligations. Even so, this was one instance where I would have gladly traded words for actions. But, he couldn’t bring himself to say it, assuming he even believed it.
I’m not sure what else I had to do to convince him I loved him. If risking my life to carry his child didn’t stir him enough to utter the words to me, I really wondered what, if anything, would.