It made me sick to think she’d gone through this without me. She pissed me off so goddamn much by rejecting my proposal, I hadn’t bothered checking up on her for a few days. And wouldn’t you know, that’s when all of this went down.
As I looked in through the window at her, I felt a lump gather in my throat. I had no clue what to say to her. What was left between us any longer? I had no obligation to her now. And frankly, I had no idea what this would do to her and how it would change her. Sometimes people just aren’t right after tragedies. Scars them for good, you know?
The lump forced its way down my gullet.
An emergency call over the intercom system broke my concentration for an instant. As it did, I turned my gaze away from Maddie and caught a handful of nurses staring at me from behind a nearby station. Almost immediately, they all looked away. I thinned my lips and shook my head. Yeah, yeah, I’m the bad guy here. I get it. Disgusted, I turned the other direction and headed for the elevator.
A few minutes later I arrived at the flower shop in the lobby of the hospital. As I walked inside, the sweet scent of rose petals and jasmine wafted into my nose. The aroma reminded me of the perfume Maddie wore when I first met her. That fragrance was tattooed on my fucking brain, forever connecting it to her in my mind. I craned my neck around the shop, glancing through arrangement after arrangement, in search of someone to help me.
“Hello?” I called out.
Just then, a short old lady peeked out from a room behind the cash register.
“I’ll be right with you, dear!” she answered back.
I nodded and slid my hands in the pockets of my pants. About a minute later, she waddled in my direction. Her hair wasn’t exactly gray, it had a distinctive color to it, almost a shade of purple. A pair of bifocals rested at the tip of her nose and hung from a pearl-beaded chain.
“How can I help you, sweetie?”
“I need to get some flowers for a patient here in the hospital.”
“Well, you’ve come to the right place then, haven’t you? What is the reason for the flowers?” she asked with an expectant look in her eyes. “Do you have a loved one recovering from surgery? Did someone have a baby?”
“Um, no,” I replied. “A miscarriage, actually.”
“Oh dear,” she gasped. She crossed her palms over her bosom. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Was it… yours?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
A sudden sting hit my throat as I uttered the words for the first time, making it real. I’m not the goddamn type to live in denial over anything, but for some reason, until I confirmed the old lady’s question… I can’t explain it. I’d been numb to the whole thing for so long, thinking it wouldn’t happen.
But it had.
My moment of introspection didn’t go unnoticed by the old lady. I heard a whisper of sorrow come from her as she stepped towards me. She reached out and touched my arm, squeezing it a bit. Her touch brought awareness back to me. I looked down at her.
“Oh, I am so sorry to hear that my dear,” she replied. I noticed a hint of a tear coming to her eyes. “I remember how awful it was."
I frowned as she talked. “You had a miscarriage?”
As I spoke, she produced a tissue out of nowhere and dabbed at the edges of her eyelids.
“Yes,” she sighed. “Two, actually.”
“Two?”
“Oh yes, two before I had my first. It was terrible. I wondered if I would ever have a baby. If not for my husband, God rest his soul, it would have broken me."
“So you had children eventually?”
“Yes,” she replied, as her mood brightened a little. “We had eight. And now, I’ve got twenty-six grandchildren. It’s been the greatest of blessings.”
I smiled as I listened to her. It’s one thing to hear statistics about shit like this. But when you’ve got someone who’s lived through the hell Maddie and I were going through at the moment, it’s a goddamn welcome bit of reassurance.
“Is this your… wife?” she asked.
“No,” I replied. “We aren’t married."
“Oh, I see.” Her tone sank a bit, carrying a twinge of sadness. “Well, the important thing is you are here for her now."
“Madam,” I began. “You’re the first person who’s said that to me. Thanks.”
A look of confusion came to the old woman’s face. “I’m sorry to hear that. It’s an awful thing. It gets better with time. Believe me. Whatever is going on, the emotions she’s experiencing, they will pass. And when they do, she’ll be back to her old self. You’ll see.”