Nothing!
There were no new emails in the inbox.
Is she okay? She usually answers right away. What if she’s hurt? What if she’s still mourning the loss of her foster mother and is really depressed? I should be there for her. She’s listened to me complain a thousand times.
M. always listened to him as a person and not a boss, which was why he valued the relationship so much. It was unique to talk to someone like a normal person.
Disappointed, but determined not to let an absence of any new emails bother him, he turned his attention to work just like he always did, trying desperately to lie to himself that it didn’t matter that she hadn’t yet responded.
CHAPTER 2
Dear M.,
I can’t pretend that I understand your sense of loss regarding your foster mother, but I do understand your mixed emotions. I think it’s probably quite normal to want to see an end to her suffering, yet mourn your loss of her at the same time.
It’s moments like these that make me wish we had never promised to remain strangers. I’d like to help, but I’m not certain I know exactly how. All I can do is send you virtual support and let you know that my thoughts are with you right now. You’re not alone.
Sincerely,
S.
Randi sighed as she read the entry from her pen pal, feeling just a little bit better after reading his words. The email was short, but somehow comforting. Whatever S. said in his messages, she always sensed that he was sincere.
Her foster mother, Joan Tyler, had passed away not long after the beginning of the new year from heart failure, and Randi knew she’d be mourning the loss of the last person on earth who would love her unconditionally for a very long time. Her foster father, Dennis, had died a few years ago, and Joan had never been the same after his death. Her heart problems had escalated, and she’d been declining since Dennis’s death. Sometimes Randi wondered if she’d actually finally died of grief rather than advanced age.
Joan and Dennis had been in their early seventies when they’d brought Randi to Amesport, and both foster parents had lived a long, happy life—well into their eighties. Knowing that still didn’t lessen the pain of losing them for Randi, or make her wish any less that she’d had more time to spend with them.
Nothing had prepared Randi for the deep emptiness she’d experienced since her loss. Dennis’s death had been heartbreaking; Joan’s had been unbearable. She wasn’t sure if the uncontrollable ache she felt every time she thought about her would ever go away.
Looking at the note, she smiled sadly. Her correspondence with S. was more like a continual conversation. Their entries often weren’t long, and sometimes they wandered into subjects that weren’t really important, but that was part of the fun of having a secret friend.
I still can’t believe that I’ve befriended a person who started off as such an asshole!
Her buddy, formerly known as Unsympathetic in Boston, had been a jerk in the beginning, but what had started off as what she assumed was a practical joke soon turned into a conversation, and eventually mutual admiration. Randi felt a connection to the author of these emails that made her laugh and cry, and were sometimes so thoughtful—like his email in front of her—they made her melancholy.
She shared mostly thoughts and emotions, something that was easier when she could be anonymous. She suspected he’d felt the same way in the beginning. Lately, he’d been hinting at the possibility of the two of them meeting in person.
“Do I ever really want to meet him? Do I ever want to reveal my identity to him?” she whispered to herself as she stared at the screen in the Center.
Yes.
No.
Oh hell, she didn’t know. She’d shared more with S. than she’d ever shared with anyone about her true thoughts and emotions. They never shared details. About the only few facts he knew about her were that she was in her late twenties and that she had been fostered by a loving, elderly couple when she was fourteen, a life-changing event that had brought her from California to Maine.
The only information she knew about him was that he was male, worked for the Sinclair Fund, was entering his midthirties, wasn’t married, and seemed to be around a computer when he probably should be out dating. He’d captured her interest when he’d simply replied to her snide return email, complimenting her intelligence and humor, telling her she’d made him laugh, like it was a very rare occurrence for him. She assumed it was something he didn’t do often.
He’s listened to me through my grief, trying to understand my pain and fix it. Somehow, he always seems to know I feel alone now.
Dennis and Joan had brought her into their home fourteen years ago, and she’d felt the sense of actually being “home” for the first time in her life. She’d only left Maine for college, returning home with her teaching degree. The Tylers had been so proud of her, so encouraging. They’d never been able to have children of their own, and they didn’t have close family. They weren’t rich, but they’d been happy together for almost sixty years. Randi hoped she’d find a love like theirs someday. “Everything I am, I owe to them,” she said softly as she clicked the “Reply” button on her friend’s thoughtful email.