"You're sure you want to do this?"
No, but he'd come this far and there was no going back now. "I'm sure. I need to know."
"Let's face it, Ash, by the time you caught me with Craig, our marriage had been over for a long time. It was only a matter of time before I left. You just didn't want to see it, didn't want to take responsibility. You wanted to make me out to be the monster."
"I guess I still believed we were happy."
"Happy? We were nonexistent. You were never around, and even when you were you were a ghost. You just didn't want to see it."
She was right. They had drifted apart. He didn't want to see it. Didn't want to take the blame.
"I know it was wrong to cheat on you, and I'll always be truly sorry for that. I didn't want to hurt you, but I was so lonely, Ash. The truth is, when you caught us, and you were so angry, I was stunned. I honestly didn't think you cared anymore. I felt as though I could have packed my bags and left, and you wouldn't have noticed until you ran out of clean underwear."
All of this was beginning to sound eerily familiar.
"So I drove you to it?"
"Please don't think that I'm placing all the blame on you. I could have tried harder, too. I could have insisted you take more time for me. I just assumed we were in a phase, that we had drifted, and eventually we would meet back up somewhere in the middle again. I guess by the time it got really bad, it didn't seem worth saving. I just didn't love you anymore."
"Wow," he said. Drive the knife in deeper.
"Ash, come on, you can't honestly say you didn't feel the same way."
She was right. His pride had taken a much bigger hit than his heart.
"Is that what you wanted to know?" she asked.
He smiled. "Yeah. I appreciate your honesty."
She cringed suddenly and pushed down on the top of her belly. "Little bugger is up under my ribs again. I think he's going to be a soccer player."
"He?"
"Yeah. We still haven't settled on a name. I'm partial to Thomas, and Craig likes Jack."
"I always thought you didn't want kids."
"It's not so much that I didn't want them, but it never seemed like the right time. And it was a touchy subject for you, since you thought you couldn't."
"Thought I couldn't?"
She frowned, as though she realized she'd said something she shouldn't have.
"Linda?"
She looked down at her hands. "I probably should have told you before."
Why did Ash get the feeling he wasn't going to like this? "Told me what?"
"It was in college. We had been together maybe six months. I found out I was pregnant. And before you ask, yes, it was yours."
"But I can't-"
"Believe me, you can. And you did. But we were both going for degrees, and we hadn't even started talking about marriage at that point. Not to mention that we had student loans up the yin yang. I knew it was really lousy timing. So I did what I believed was the best thing for both of us and had an abortion."
Ash's head was spinning so violently he nearly fell out of the booth. "But all those years we didn't use protection?"
"You didn't, but I did. I had an IUD. So there wouldn't be any more accidents."
He could hardly believe he was hearing this. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought I was protecting you. Believe me when I say I felt guilty enough for the both of us. And even if I had wanted to keep the baby, I knew you wouldn't. I didn't want to burden you with that."
That seemed to be a common theme when it came to him and women.
So Mel had been telling him the truth. She had been through hell and lived to talk about it, she had lost a baby, his baby, and he had more or less accused her of being a tramp.
He could have been a father. And he would have, if he hadn't been so selfish and blind. Not to mention stupid.
He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I am such an idiot."
"Why do I get the feeling you're not talking about us any longer?"
He looked over at her. "Do you think some people are destined to keep repeating their mistakes?"
"Some people maybe. If they don't learn from them."
"And if they learn too late?"
She reached across the table and laid her hand over his, and just like that, all the unresolved conflict, all the bitterness he'd shouldered for the past three years seemed to vanish. "Do you love her?" she asked.
"Probably too much for my own good."
"Does she love you?"
"She did three days ago."
She grinned and gave his hand a squeeze. "So what the heck are you doing still sitting here with me?"
Damn, the woman was good at disappearing. He had no clue where she was staying and she refused to answer her phone. But this time Ash didn't wait nearly as long to call the P.I. and ask him to find her again. But when Ash gave him the make and year of her car, the P.I. asked, "Does the car have GPS?"
"Yeah, it does."
"Then you don't really need me. You can track her every move on any computer. Or even your phone if it has Internet. I can help you set it up."
"That would be great," Ash told him. It was about time something went right. And thank God this time she hadn't gone very far. Within hours he was pulling into the lot of a grocery store a few miles away from the condo.
The idea of a confrontation inside the store seemed like a bad idea, so he parked, got out of his car and made himself comfortable on her hood. There was no way she would be leaving without at least talking to him.
She came out of the store maybe ten minutes later and his heart lifted at the sight of her, then it lodged in his throat when he thought of all the explaining he had to do. And the confessing.
She had one bag in her arms and she was rooting around in her purse for something, so she didn't see him right away.
She looked adorable with her hair up in a ponytail, wearing jeans, tennis shoes and a pullover sweatshirt. He was finding it hard to imagine what he considered so appealing in the way she looked before the accident. This just seemed to be a better fit.
She was almost to the car when she finally looked up and noticed him there. Her steps slowed and her eyes narrowed. He could see that she was wondering how he'd found her, especially when she had been dodging his calls.
"GPS," he said. "I tracked you on my phone."
"You realize that stalking is a criminal offense in California?"
"I don't think it can be considered stalking when I technically own the car."
She tossed the keys at him so forcefully that if he hadn't caught them he might have lost an eye. "Take it," she said and walked past him in the direction of the street.
He jumped down off the hood to follow her. "Come on, Mel. I just want to talk to you."
"But I don't want to listen. I'm still too mad at you."
Mad was good as far as he was concerned. Since he deserved it. She could get over being mad at him a lot easier than, say, hating his guts. Not that he didn't deserve that, too.
She was walking so fast he had to jog to catch up to her. "I've been an ass."
She snorted. "You say that like it's something I don't already know."
"But do you know how sorry I am?"
"I'm sure you are."
"It's not that I didn't believe you about the baby. I just didn't want it to be true."
She stopped so abruptly he nearly tripped over his own feet. "Are you actually saying that you didn't want it to be yours?"
"No! Of course not."
"You really are an ass," she said, and turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm.
"Would you please listen for a minute? I could live with the idea that you'd had an affair, that you had made a mistake, especially when I was the one who drove you away in the first place. But knowing that the baby was mine, and I was responsible." Emotion welled up in his throat and he had to pause to get a hold of himself. "If I had treated you right, showed you that I loved you, you never would have felt like you had to run away. All the terrible things you went through never would have happened. Everything, all of it, is my fault."
She was quiet for what seemed like a very long time, and he watched her intently, in case she decided to throw something else at him. God only knew what she had in the bag.
"It's no one's," she finally said. "We both acted stupid."
"Maybe, but I think I was way more stupid than you. And I am so sorry, Mel. I know it's a lot to ask, but do you think you could find it in your heart to give me one more chance? I swear I'll get it right this time." He took her free hand, relieved that she didn't pull away. "You know that I love you, right?"
She nodded.
"And you love me, too?"
She sighed deeply. "Of course I do."
"And you're going to give me another chance?"
She rolled her eyes. "Like I have a choice. I get the distinct feeling that you'll just keep stalking me until I say yes."