"Sorry," he said. "This probably won't feel much better, but we don't want it getting infected. God only knows what's on the floor down there."
He wet a second cloth with hydrogen peroxide, and she braced herself against the pain as he dabbed it on her knees. It went white and bubbly on contact.
If she had known it could be like this, that they could be so happy, she wouldn't have left. She would have told him about the baby.
Now it was too late.
Ash smoothed a jumbo-size bandage across each knee. "All done."
"Is she dead?" Mel asked him, as he busied himself with repacking the first-aid kit. The fact that he wouldn't look at her probably wasn't a good sign. "Please tell me."
He sighed deeply and looked up at her. "It wasn't your fault."
So that was a yes. She pretty much knew already. And her fault or not, she had killed someone's baby. Someone's child. And she hadn't even had a chance to apologize. To say she was sorry. "Why didn't someone tell me?"
"The doctor thought it would be too traumatic."
She laughed wryly. "And finding out this way has just been a barrel of laughs."
He rose to his feet, the kit and soiled rags in hand. "He did what he thought was best."
It hit her suddenly that the doctor must have told him about the baby, too. He thought Ash was her fiancé. What reason would he have to hide it?
All this time Ash knew and he had never said a word. It was one thing to lie about engagements, and hide personal information, but this was their child.
"Is that why you didn't say anything about the baby, either?"
Ash closed his eyes and shook his head. "Don't do this. Just let it go."
"Let it go? I lost a baby."
He looked at her, his eyes pleading. "Everything has been so good, please don't ruin it."
"Ruin it?"
"Can't we just do what we've been doing and pretend it never happened?"
Her mouth fell open. "How can you even say something like that? I lost a child-"
"That wasn't mine!" he shouted, slamming the first-aid kit down so hard on the coffee table that she heard the glass crack. She was so stunned by the unprecedented outburst that it took a second for his words to sink in.
"Ash, who told you it wasn't yours? Of course it was yours."
He leveled his eyes on her, and if she didn't know better, she would think he was going to hit her. But when he spoke his voice was eerily calm. "You and I both know that's impossible. I'm sterile."
She could hardly believe what he was suggesting. "You think I had an affair."
"I had unprotected sex with you for three years, and with my wife for seven years, and no one got pregnant before now, so yeah, I think it's pretty damn likely that you had an affair."
He couldn't honestly believe she would do that. "Ash, since that night at the party, when we met, there has been no one but you."
"The party? I seriously doubt that."
He might as well have just called her a whore.
"If it was mine," he said, "why did you run off?"
"Because you had made it pretty clear that you had no desire to have a family, and you sure as hell didn't seem to want me. I figured it would be best for everyone if I just left. Frankly, I'm surprised you even noticed I was gone."
His eyes cut sharply her way.
Why was he being so stubborn? He knew her. He knew she would never hurt him. "Ash, I'm telling you the truth."
"And I'm just supposed to trust you? Just take your word for it when I know it's impossible?"
"Yes. You should. Because you know I wouldn't lie to you."
"I don't believe you," he said, and it felt as though a chunk of her heart broke away.
"Why did you even bring me back here? If you thought I cheated on you, if you hated me that much, why not just leave me in the hospital? Were you plotting revenge or something?"
His jaw clenched and he looked away.
She was just being surly, but she'd hit the nail right on the head. "Oh, my God." She rose from the couch. "You were, weren't you? You wanted to get back at me."
He turned to her, eyes black with anger. "After all I did for you, you betrayed me. I've taken care of you for three years, and you repay me by screwing around. You're damn right I wanted revenge." He shook his head in disgust. "You want to know the really pathetic thing? I forgave you. I thought you had changed. I was going to ask you to marry me tonight, for real this time. But here you are, still lying to me. Why won't you just admit what you did? Own up to it."
Own up to something she didn't do?
The really sad thing was that she suspected, somewhere deep down, he believed her. He knew she was telling the truth. He just didn't want to hear it. When the chips were down, and things got a little tough, it was easier to push her away than take a chance.
"Is this the way it is with you?" she asked. "You find something really good, but when you get too close, you throw it away? Is that what you did to your wife? Did you ignore her for so long that you drove her away?"
He didn't respond, but she could see that she'd hit a nerve.
"I love you, Ash. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but I just can't fight for you anymore."
"No one asked you to."
And that pretty much said it all. "Give me an hour to pack my things. And I would appreciate if I could use the car for a couple of weeks, until I can find another one."
"Keep it," he said.
Like a parting gift? she wondered. Or the booby prize.
She rose from the couch and walked to her room to pack, her legs still wobbly from the adrenaline rush, her knees sore.
But they didn't even come close to the pain in her heart.
Ash sat at a booth in the Rosa Lounge, sipping his scotch, trying to convince himself that he wasn't miserable, wasn't a complete idiot, and not doing a very good job of it.
Mel had been gone three days and he could barely stand it. And now that he finally realized what an idiot he'd been, he wasn't sure how to fix it.
He knew he had to be pretty desperate at this point to arrange this meeting, but there were some things that Mel had said that really stuck in his craw, and he had to know, once and for all, if she was right.
He checked his watch again and looked over at the door just in time to see her come in. Her hair was shorter than before, but otherwise she didn't look all that different. She scanned the room and he rose from his seat, waving her over. When she saw him, she smiled, which was a good sign. When he'd called her and asked to meet she'd sounded a little wary.
As she walked to the booth he saw that she still looked really good, and, wow, really pregnant.
"Linda," he said as she approached. "Good to see you."
"Hello, Ash." His ex-wife leaned in and air kissed his cheek. "You look great."
"You, too," he said. "Please sit down."
He waited until she slid into the opposite side of the booth, then he sat, too.
The waitress appeared to take her drink order, and when she was gone Ash gestured to Linda's swollen middle. "You're pregnant. I had no idea."
She placed a hand on her stomach and smiled. "Six weeks to go."
"Congratulations. You're still with." He struggled to conjure up a name.
"Craig," she supplied for him. "We just celebrated our second wedding anniversary last month."
"That's great. You look very happy."
"I am," she said with a smile. "Everything is going great. I don't know if you remember, but Craig owned a gym in our old neighborhood. I talked him into expanding and we just opened our fourteenth fitness center."
"I'm glad to hear it."
"How about you? What have you been up to?"
"I'm still at Maddox."
She waited, as if she expected more, and when there wasn't she asked, "Anyone … special in your life?"
"For a while," he said, wanting to add, until I royally screwed up. "It's complicated."
She waited for him to elaborate. And though he hadn't planned to, the words just kind of came out.
"We just split up," he heard himself tell her. "A few days ago, in fact."
"I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that you asking to meet me is directly related somehow."
His ex was no dummy.
"I need to ask you something," he told her, rubbing his hands together, wondering if maybe this wasn't such a good idea. "And it's probably going to sound … well, a little weird after all this time."
"Okay." She folded her hands in front of her and leaned forward slightly, giving him her undivided attention.
"I need to know why you did it. Why you cheated on me."
He thought she might be offended or defensive, but she looked more surprised than upset. "Wow, okay. I didn't see that one coming."
"I'm not trying to play the blame game, I swear. I just really need to know."