He shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it on the bed, then kicked off his shoes.
He stepped into the bathroom, not being particularly stealthy, but Mel was rinsing shampoo from her hair so her head was thrown back and her eyes were closed. Suds ran down her back and the curve of her behind, and all he could think about was soaping up his hands and rubbing them all over her.
He waited for her to open her eyes, so she would see him there, but when she finally did she turned with her back to him. She grabbed a bottle of soap and poured some out into her hand then turned away from the spray and began soaping herself up. He had a fantastic profile view as she rubbed suds into breasts and her stomach and down her arms. It was far from a sensual display, but he was so hot for her, she might as well have been giving him a lap dance.
She finished her arms then her hands moved back to her breasts. She cupped them in her hands, her eyes drifting shut as she swirled her thumbs over her nipples. They hardened into two rosy pink points, and he could swear he saw her shudder.
Goddamn.
God knew he'd seen Mel touch herself before. So many times that, honestly, the novelty had sort of worn off. But this was different. Maybe because she didn't know he was watching. Because she wasn't putting on a show for him. She was doing it because it felt good.
She did seem to be enjoying it, and he was so hard his slacks were barely containing him. He watched, loosening his tie as she caressed herself. He tossed it across the back of the toilet and started unbuttoning his shirt.
Melody's hands slipped down off her breasts, then moved slowly south, stroking her hips and her stomach and the tops of her thighs. It was obvious what her final destination would be and he thought, oh, hell, yeah. Unfortunately she chose that moment to open her eyes and see him standing there.
She shrieked so loud he was sure the people living beneath them heard it.
"You scared me half to death!" she admonished when she realized it was just him. He half expected her to try to cover herself, but she didn't. Her cheeks did flush though. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough to enjoy what I was seeing."
He could see that she was embarrassed, which made it that much more arousing.
"You know it's rude to spy on people," she said, then her hands came up to cover her breasts. "Tell me you don't have a video camera out there."
He chuckled. "No camera," he assured her, unfastening the buttons at his wrists. "And I wasn't spying, I was watching."
"Same thing."
"You make it sound like I was looking through a peephole in the wall." He tugged the shirt off and dropped it on the floor.
Mel watched it fall, and when she saw the tent in his pants her eyes grew larger. "W-what are you doing?"
He pulled his undershirt over his head and dropped that on the floor, too. "Taking off my clothes."
Her eyes strayed to his chest. He didn't think she realized it, but she was licking her lips. "Um … why?"
"So I can take a shower." He tugged off his socks then unfastened his pants and shoved them and his boxers down.
"With me?" she said, her voice suddenly squeaky and high-pitched, as if she'd been sucking helium.
"Unless you have someone else in there with you."
He crossed the room and pulled the shower door open, his hard-on preceding him inside. If Mel's eyes opened any wider they would fall out of her head.
"I thought we were taking this slow," she said, backing against the far wall, looking worried.
"Don't worry, we are." He stepped under the spray, slicking his hair back. "We're just doing it naked."
If they didn't make love that was okay with him; he just needed to touch her, get his hands on some part of her body. If she let him get her off, fantastic, if she returned the favor, even better. He was going to let her set the pace.
Mel stood in the corner watching him, chewing her lip. "This is going to sound stupid, because we've done this before, but I'm really nervous."
"That's why we're taking it slow." And if the anticipation killed him, well, he would at least die with a smile on his face. "So, tell me what you're ready for. What can I do?"
She thought about it for several seconds, then swallowed hard and said, "I guess you could … kiss me."
The logical place to start. He didn't want to corner her, so he took her hand and pulled her to him, so they were both under the spray. But when he leaned in to kiss her, the head of his erection bumped against her stomach. She jumped with surprise, then laughed nervously.
"Outdoor plumbing," he said with a shrug.
"I know, I'm being ridiculous. I'm sorry."
The weird thing was, he liked it. He liked that she wasn't trying to take charge, that for once he could be the aggressor.
"You know what, I have a better idea. Turn around." He grabbed the soap and poured some in his hand.
"What are you going to do?"
"Wash your back." She cast him a wary look, and he said, "Just your back. I promise."
She turned and faced the wall, bracing her hands on the tile as he smoothed the soap across her shoulders and down her back.
"Hmm, that feels nice," she said, as he used both hands to massage her shoulders, and he felt her begin to relax. He worked his way down, but as he got closer to her behind, she tensed again.
"Relax," he said, sliding his hands back up. "This is supposed to be fun."
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I wasn't like this in the hotel."
"Maybe it's because you knew you weren't able to do anything then."
She shrugged, and said without much conviction, "Maybe."
His hands stilled. "Why do I get the feeling there's something you're not telling me?"
"It's stupid."
He turned her to face him and she looked so cute, water dripping from her hair, her brow crinkled with the weight of whatever it was that troubled her. "If something is bothering you it's not stupid. If you don't tell me what's really wrong, we can't fix it." And he would never get laid.
"It's those videos."
"The shower one?"
She shook her head, eyes on her feet. "The other two. I know it was me, but it's not me anymore. That woman. she was just so confident and sexy. I don't think I can do and say the things she did. I can't be her anymore."
He shrugged. "So what?"
Her eyes met his, so full of grief and conflict that he felt his scotch buzz wither away. "I'm so afraid I'm going to disappoint you, Ash."
This wasn't one of the silly sex games she used to play with him, or even a mild case of the pre-sex jitters. She was genuinely distraught. He'd never seen her this confused and vulnerable before. Not even in the hospital.
"Mel, you won't disappoint me. That's not even a possibility."
She didn't look as though she believed him. She lowered her eyes but he caught her chin in his palm and forced her to look at him. "Listen to me. I don't want the Melody who was in those videos. I want you."
He realized it was probably the most honest thing he had ever said to her. He wanted her in a way that he'd never wanted the other Melody.
So why was he still expecting her to act like her? Did he think that, despite being nervous and wanting to go slow, she would just magically shed her inhibitions the instant he touched her?
He wanted her, God knew he did, but not if it was going to hurt or confuse her. It just wasn't worth it. Physically she may have been ready for him, but emotionally she just wasn't there yet. He was pushing too far too fast.
Jesus, when had he gone so soft?
He turned and shut off the water.
"What are you doing?" she asked, looking even more confused, not that he could blame her. First he said they should wait, then he all but molested her, then he put on the brakes again. At this rate he was going to give them both whiplash.
Just because he bought her a car, and planned to give her a couple of credit cards, was he back to thinking she owed him? She hadn't asked for anything.
"We're getting out," he told her.
"But-"
"You're not ready for this. And I'm really sorry that I pushed you. I feel like a total jerk." He didn't just feel like a jerk, he was one. He grabbed the towel she'd hung on the hook outside the shower and wrapped it around her, then he got out and fetched one for himself from the linen closet. He fastened it around his hips, and when he turned Melody was standing in the shower doorway, wrapped in her towel, watching him, her brow wrinkled.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
She nodded, but she didn't move.
"We should get dressed. And if the offer for dinner is still good I'd love it if you cooked for me. Or if you prefer we could go out. Your choice."
"Okay," she said, but didn't specify which one, dinner in or out. But before he could ask, she walked out of the bathroom.