“I let him toy with me. I let him mess with my head,” Ellie answered sadly. “I knew what he was doing, and I gave him exactly what he wanted.”
“What choice did you have?” Zane snapped back at her.
She didn’t answer, and the long, drawn-out silence made him realize she’d had no choice. All of her freedom, respect, and dignity had been sucked out of her by a crazy asshole who liked to torment women.
He was relieved when she finally answered quietly, “None. Not a single choice. It was either die or stay alive. The survivor in me refused to give up.”
“Thank fuck,” Zane said huskily. “I would have been pretty irritated if I had shown up at the cabin and you were already dead.”
Ellie laughed, a sound that hit Zane solidly right in the chest. He hadn’t heard Ellie laugh in a long time. If his black sense of humor made her smile, he’d gladly stop trying to be politically correct.
“I’m glad I didn’t disappoint you,” Ellie shot back with a snort.
Zane smiled just a little as they entered Colter land and he moved toward his home. “I’m sorry I let a reporter have the opportunity to talk to you. I’m supposed to be keeping you safe.”
“You do. And it wasn’t your fault,” Ellie argued. “Zane, you can’t protect me from the world forever, no matter how much I appreciate that you try.”
“The hell I can’t,” he shot back at her. He’d slipped up, let his brothers disrupt his visual on where she was. From now on, she’d stay safe.
“I fear it, too,” Ellie said softly.
“What?” Zane questioned, wanting to know whatever the hell she feared so he could make it go away.
Silence stretched on as Zane drove across Colter property, the darkness of the night preventing him from seeing Ellie’s expression.
Finally, he urged, “Talk to me, Ellie. What are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid it will happen again,” she admitted in a rush. “I know the chances of being kidnapped again, especially since James is dead, are almost nonexistent. Rationally, I understand that. But I can’t stop the anxiety I feel when someone approaches me, even in a non-threatening way. If it’s somebody I don’t recognize as a friend, I have a knee-jerk reaction to run. Until recently, I seemed to have the same reaction even if it was a friend—just not as strong as when it’s a stranger.” She took a deep, tremulous breath and continued. “I know it doesn’t make any sense. I knew that guy was a reporter. But when he got in my face and wanted me to talk about my experience, it was like it was going to happen all over again.”
Zane’s frustration with the reporter returned. “He was a pushy asshole, Ell. And you have every right to be cautious. Hell, I think you’re incredibly brave just to go out of the house again.”
“I want to. I can’t live in fear, Zane,” Ellie insisted. “I want to feel normal again. This is my town. This is where I grew up. Nothing traumatic has ever happened to me here before…” Her voice trailed off, sounding like she was afraid to mention the only devastating event she’d ever experienced in Rocky Springs.
Zane reached out in the dark, searching for contact with Ellie, hating the fact that she was essentially suffering alone. He didn’t know the first thing about how to deal with her fear…or his own agitation about her safety.
Their hands connected, and his heart sank as she flinched away from him for an instant, but then she reached out and curled her fingers around his trustingly. Zane felt an aching tenderness in his chest as Ellie tightened her grip, letting him know without words that she trusted him, that her initial reaction was just a momentary, instinctive thing.
After a few minutes of silence, Ellie asked, “Why didn’t you tell me that you took care of my apartment? You lied to me when you told me it was already rented.”
He told her the truth because she deserved it. “I wanted your place to be waiting for you. I wanted your life to be as normal as possible when you got back. I didn’t know I’d find you nearly dead. When you started refusing to come home to recover with me, I gave up your place so you had to be with me. I know it was a shitty thing to do, and I’m sorry I lied. But I’m not sorry that you’re with me where you belong. Right now, I need you to be with me as much as you need someone to be with you so you’re safe and not alone.” Christ! He was downright desperate to watch her every single moment.
“Why?”
“Because I need the reassurance that you’re fucking really alive and getting better,” he told her reluctantly. “This whole thing—your disappearance, the long search, the endless days of wondering where you were and what the hell had happened to you, wondering if you were dead or alive—it all scared the hell out of me, and even though I know you’re alive, the fear hasn’t gone away.” Zane was starting to wonder whether it ever would.