And suddenly, I knew that it was.
Until that moment I hadn’t realized how much I’d worried about this - even though it was ridiculous to do so, I’d fretted over how he might respond, how he’d feel about the fact that I was being so needy and demanding before we were even technically married. Not to mention how many sleepless nights I’d spent before he came along, wondering how the hell I’d ever manage to pay everything off by myself. I could actually feel the muscles in my shoulders relax slightly, after being held tense for God knows how long.
“Thank you,” I said, perhaps a little too fervently, judging by the surprised look on his face.
“Maddy,” he said. “This was part of our arrangement. I’d take care of you financially during this time. It’s the least I can do, you don’t have to thank me.”
“It’s just…I’ve been so worried for so long, wondering how I was going to ever get out of debt. And now it’s gone. I don’t have to worry anymore.”
“That’s right,” he said, smiling. “No more worrying.”
I still have no idea why I thought it was a good idea to lean over and kiss him. Perhaps it was meant to be a friendly peck, or maybe in the back of my mind I thought someone might be peering in through the window.
Or maybe, just maybe, I couldn’t help myself.
For a moment, he was still; surprised, I supposed, at my forwardness. But the hesitation only lasted for a split second before I felt his hand slide around the back of my head, pulling me in aggressively, and it seemed the only appropriate response was to let my lips part against his.
He took the invitation immediately, his tongue slipping into my mouth and exploring the territory, and I felt a shiver of pure bliss run down my spine. Within moments, I was completely lost in him - forgetting where I was, and why I was here. I was throbbing. I needed him more than I had ever needed anything.
I leaned into him, deepening the kiss even further. When we broke apart to catch our breath, I expected him to say something - to object, even if it was just halfhearted - but his eyes were dark and fierce and single-minded. There was nothing in his face but pure lust.
I melted. He coaxed me down onto the carpet with the movement of his body, stretching over mine, until he was lying on top of me. I could feel him rock-hard and straining in his jeans. Oh, God. This was really going to happen.
My head was buzzing with arousal and disbelief, and to this day I still don’t know what possessed me to look him directly in the eye and say, in a breathy voice:
“Thank you.”
The look on his face made my heart sink.
He pulled away, his expression twisted with something like disgust. At me? At himself? I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I sat up quickly.
“What’s wrong?” I felt frantic. I was so close to having what I wanted, and he’d ripped it away from me. Why? What had I done?
He shook his head, looking at the floor. “This isn’t a good idea,” he said, flatly.
Well, no shit it wasn’t. I sat up quickly. “You didn’t seem to care a few minutes ago,” I said, starting to feel desperate.
“I lost my head for a second,” he said. “I’m sorry. I really am. But we can’t do this.”
I sat, miserable and motionless, on the floor as he gathered his things. He’d been planning to drive the first load over to his apartment after lunch anyway, but something told me he wouldn’t be back again today.
After he shut the door behind him, my massaging shower head got the workout of a lifetime.
Once my head was clearer, I became determined that I wasn’t going to let that happen again. If he was going to have an attack of conscience just because I said something silly, well, that was his problem. Did he really think I was the kind of person to have sex with someone purely out of gratitude? Had he not been able to tell how aroused I was? How badly I wanted him? He was an idiot to walk away from all that, no matter how complicated it might make our arrangement.#p#分页标题#e#
The next morning, bright and early, my phone started to ring. I let him call a few times before I picked up.
“I was going to come over in half an hour with the truck,” he said, without so much as a greeting. “If that’s convenient for you.”
“Sure,” I said, coolly.
The pizza box was still on the floor when I walked out into the living room. I crushed it angrily and shoved it into the garbage.
When I opened the door, he actually looked a little bit sheepish.
“About last night,” he started, and I cut him off with a raised hand.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “I was out of line. No explanation necessary.”