“So do you have a dress picked out yet?” Lindsey wanted to know. “I got the impression that Daniel wanted to have the wedding sooner rather than later. He hates anticipation and long-term planning. Always has.”
I shook my head. “I figured I’d just pick something off the rack. Doesn’t have to be a ‘bridal gown,’ you know? Just something nice.”
“Yeah, that’s for the best. Some of these places, they tack another eight hundred dollars on the price tag of anything that’s ‘for a wedding.’ I know it doesn’t really matter, but I object to it on principle.”
I nodded. “I really just want to keep things casual.” This was true; I just couldn’t reveal why. “I want to marry Daniel because I love him, not because I want to have a Big Day. You know?”
Hell, I was almost convincing myself. Well done.
Lindsey was nodding. “I can see how you two ended up together,” she said. “He’s never been that much of a romantic - or a traditionalist, I guess. You know what I mean.” She hesitated. “How do your parents feel about the whole thing?”
The inevitable question. I paused for a moment. “They’re not really…I haven’t exactly told them yet.”
“Oh,” she said, understanding dawning on her face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to bring up something difficult. We don’t have to talk about it.”
“Thanks.” As much as I was growing to like Lindsey, I didn’t really feel like discussing my awkward situation with my parents with anyone, least of all someone I’d just met.
We visited a few bakeries, more than one stationery shop, and a few dress places, just to try things on. Looking at myself in the endless mirrors, I felt next to nothing. It was just me in a big fluffy white dress. I wasn’t a bride. I was just playing a part.
“I’m surprised I can fit into my normal size, after those burgers last night,” I commented as we left one of the dress shops.
“Tell me about it.” Lindsey laughed. “Worth it, though, right?”
“Always.” I hesitated. “So, you guys used to go there a lot when you were kids, huh?”
“Not as much as we would have liked to.” She turned to look at me. “Has Daniel told you very much about his childhood?”
I shook my head. “Almost nothing.”
“I figured as much,” she said. “He doesn’t like to talk about it. That’s his way of coping, I guess.” She was silent for a moment. “I don’t mean to make it sound like our family life was some kind of horror show. It wasn’t really all that bad. But it was hard, sometimes. We didn’t exactly have a lot of money to spread around in the early days. The first time Dad took us out to Jerry’s Grill, it was because we came home from school early - there was a problem with the gas lines or something, I don’t even remember now - and we walked in on him with another woman. He promised to take us out for burgers if we kept our mouths shut. Being a couple of little brats, of course we kept demanding to go back every time we were unhappy, or he did something we didn’t like. I feel terrible about it now. I’m sure Dan does too. But we didn’t know what we were doing at the time, really. Kids are selfish. We just wanted to eat something for dinner that wasn’t out of a box from the discount store. I have no idea how my dad scraped the money together to keep taking us there, but he found a way.”
I had no idea what to say in response to all that. My head was swimming. I just nodded silently and waited for her to continue.
“My mom never found out, as far as I know. I guess it was better that way. I don’t know if my dad kept doing it. They were both young, and I realize now that I’m not sure if they ever really loved each other. It could have very well been a shotgun wedding. For years, I shied away from close relationships because of what they’d taught me through example. Thank God I met Ray. He stuck by me even when I tried to push him away.” Her eyes were very far away as she spoke. Finally, she turned back to me. “I’ve got to say, I was really happy when Daniel told me that he’d found someone. I was afraid it would never happen for him. I think the whole situation affected him more than it did me. It’s hard not to get cynical about love, coming from a background like that.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Believe me, I know. I mean…I don’t know if my parents cheated on each other, but they definitely weren’t in love.”
Lindsey nodded. “There’s a lot of that going around, isn’t there? People getting married for every possible reason, except for the right ones.”#p#分页标题#e#