“I don’t see why you couldn’t have done it,” I said. “If you put your mind to it. You’re obviously smart, so why not?”
He laughed, folding up his napkin carefully and returning it to the table. “Trust me, it’s better this way.”
I clenched my fists in my lap. I knew what was coming. I knew it, I’d known since the moment I signed the contract, yet I still wasn’t ready. Far from it. I felt like I was going to laugh hysterically, throw up, and cry, all at once.
Daniel stood up.
His hand was in his jacket pocket.
I squeezed my eyes shut. When I opened them again, he was down on one knee.
He opened the black velvet box, displaying a delicate gold ring with twin diamonds nested together diagonally, complementing the wave design of the band as it ran underneath them. It was striking and subtle at the same time - stunningly beautiful, yet very wearable. I wondered if Emma had helped him pick it out. It seemed like her style.
“Madeline, will you marry me?”
I nodded, numbly. I had to close my eyes again. Tears were gathering, and I didn’t know if I could hold them. My back ached as I sat bolt upright in my chair, keeping my eyelids glued shut, willing the tears not to come and ruin my makeup. I felt him take my hand and slide the ring onto my finger. It was perfectly sized. Of course. Daniel took my hands and pulled me to my feet, and then he kissed me. His lips were soft and warm against mine.
There was a smattering of applause. Daniel let me go, and I sat back down mechanically. The server poured champagne. I drank my whole flute in one swallow and tried to dab at my face with the napkin enough to dry it, without smearing my mascara.
Daniel was sitting down again, too. He leaned across the table and spoke to me in a low voice. “Did you want to go home?”
I forced a smile. My eyes, at least, had stopped watering. Mostly. “No,” I said. “I’m fine. It’s just…it’s a lot, you know?”
He nodded like he knew what I was talking about, but I wasn’t sure that he did. From his point of view, it was just a fake relationship, a fake marriage. He was willing to go through absolutely anything to get what he needed. But for me, it was different. I couldn’t explain why I was crying, to him or to myself. The maelstrom of emotions inside of me was impossible to understand in any rational way. I just knew that I wanted to cry.
I looked down at the ring, sparkling on my finger. It really was perfect. It was exactly what I would have wanted my real fiancé to pick out, if I hadn’t given up on that idea a long time ago. Wait - was that what was bothering me? Really? I’d come to peace with the idea of being single a long time ago. This was the worst possible time to realize that I really did want to find my happily-ever-after, someday.#p#分页标题#e#
I took a deep breath.
It’s just one year. It’s just one year. It’s just one year.
After that, I could do whatever I wanted.
“I think we’d better go home,” said Daniel finally, apparently understanding that my no really meant yes.
We finished our champagne. My head was buzzing, and I was grateful for Daniel’s arm to lean on as we made our way out to the curb.
John stared at me in the rearview as we climbed in. “You feeling all right, ma’am?” he said. God, I must look like a complete mess.
“I’m fine,” I sniffed. “Thank you.”
“You ought to be congratulating us, John.” Daniel took my left hand in his and raised it up, putting the ring on display for him.
“Oh my goodness!” John’s face broke into a grin. “Congratulations, you two. That’s so…it’s such good news. I’m very happy for you.”
“Thanks,” said Daniel, draping his arm over my shoulders. John had come so very close to saying something about how quickly we were moving - I could tell - but it was his job to do nothing but nod and smile and validate all of his employer’s choices. Just like everyone else in Daniel’s life.
I knew Daniel was expecting me to spend the night at his apartment, and as much as I was dreading it, nothing else really made sense. We were a young couple, crazy in love, who’d just gotten engaged. We’d be expected to spend the rest of the night naked in each other’s arms. We had to maintain the illusion.
When we arrived, I shed my shoes in the front entryway and walked straight into the main floor bathroom for a shower, not speaking to Daniel or even looking at him. When I got out, he was nowhere to be seen. I retired to the room I’d picked before, pulled two ibuprofens out of my purse and swallowed them dry, and climbed into bed.
I didn’t cry. I felt completely empty and wrung-out, exhausted but unable to let myself drift off to sleep. I hadn’t expected this to be so hard, so soon. Daniel was right. It was impossible to pretend we weren’t human.