Her hesitation, her demure demeanor, Asher longed for it. He wanted to reassure her, to console her, to give her everything she wanted and more. And he wanted to take it in, drink her emotions in one condensed shot like an extra smooth fine brandy. He wanted all of her, completely and absolutely.
And he knew this wasn’t possible. A lark, some lust, a fit of whim and caprice. But still, what did she want, what was she asking of him? He knew he should deny her, return to his main house with his wife, do anything but remain here.
“Can we sleep together?” she asked. “In the same bed. Just sleeping. I won’t… I mean, I know that…”
Asher sighed. He was smitten. “Yes,” he said. “That’s alright. I understand.”
…
I laid in bed next to Asher, thinking. Breath slow and steady, shallow, I didn’t want to ruin anything by overthinking everything. What was this and what had we done? All of a sudden, out of nowhere, it hit me like nothing else ever had. So strange and different, but enticing and exhilarating, too. I didn’t know why, but I wanted so much more. His belt, and his touch, his fingers tantalizing and agonizing all at once, twisting my nipple but demanding I remain in place. His palm slapping my butt while I lay draped over his lap. Our mutual masturbation, watching each other on a TV screen while we confessed our taboo longings and desires.
Why was Asher here? What happened? I didn’t know, so I asked.
“Is everything alright? Is… with…” I gulped, unsure if I could say her name now; if I should say her name. “Beatrice?”
Asher didn’t reply at first. Maybe he was sleeping, I thought. Maybe he needed to now. To dream away everything and forget it had ever happened. I understood why he would want to do that, even if it made me sad to think about it. This, us, we couldn’t continue.
“We had an argument,” he said after awhile, after I didn’t think he was going to say anything. “We never sleep in the same room, either. She doesn’t feel comfortable with it. She says she gets anxious that she’ll upset me or move too much, and…”
“And?”
“I don’t know how truthful this is, but one time she said she worried that she’d toss around so much and I’d wake up with my face in her arm pit. Or, she likes to switch positions in bed a lot, so sometimes she puts her head by the foot of the bed, so I might wake up with her feet in my face. She hates the idea of that. She hates that I might smell some part of her that isn’t pristine and perfect. She says it’s awful and embarrassing.”
I scrunched up my brow. “Really? Seriously?”
“Like I said, I don’t know how truthful that is. Sometimes I think it might be an excuse. Either way, we don’t sleep in the same room or the same bed very often. Our rooms are close, though. In the same hallway.”
“I don’t mean to judge, but I think that’s silly,” I said.
Asher chuckled. “I do, too, but what am I supposed to do? Beatrice is different. I can’t—”
And he paused, no doubt imagining the things we’d done that night, most of which I doubted he could, or would, ever do with her. “You can’t spank her,” I said, matter-of-factly.
“No, not particularly. I don’t really have an urge to spank most people, though. I hope you realize this.”
“You want to spank me,” I said, being silly.
“It’s because you have a nice butt,” Asher said, simple as that. He sounded as if this were a dreadful thing, sorrowful, though completely necessary. “It is the bane of all women with nice butts, to be spanked by those with a heavy hand.”
“And I’m naughty,” I added.
“Yes, that too,” he agreed. “Bad, bad Jessika.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I won’t do it again. I just can’t help myself.”
He turned to me then, looked at me. Rolling from his back to his side, he gazed at me in the dim light of the bathroom’s nightlight. “I like you,” he said. “I like spending time with you. This doesn’t mean that… you know? We can’t have an affair. I can’t cheat on my wife.”
“No,” I said. “I know.”
“But I don’t think that… if… I’m rationalizing here, but I think this is alright. If we talk, that’s fine. And maybe the spanking is alright. I don’t know. It… that’s a fine line. If we’re close and careful, but nothing too far. No sex, and…”
I nodded, listening, and gave him all my attention. “Can we cuddle?” I asked.