“Go,” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“Go! Go clean. Pick up the mess you left upstairs. The crust of bread on the basement stairs, too. And fold the blankets and put them back where you found them.”
I went. I ran. I could barely feel my legs, but I managed my way up the stairs, nearly naked in only my bra and panties. I took the tissue from the trash in the bedroom and tucked it into the waistband of my underwear, then picked up the towel from the bathroom floor and hung it on one of the shower doors to dry. I smoothed out the corner of the sheets and fixed them back into place. Back downstairs, on the first floor, I tossed the tissue from my panties into the trash barrel in the kitchenette, then stumbled down the basement stairs and grabbed the crust from the steps, then back up the stairs to put it with the tissue.
To the library again, where I folded the blankets and put them on the chair. Asher lay on the couch now, reclining and reading The Time Traveler’s Wife. He tossed a cursory glance towards me before sitting up and staring my way.
“Are you done?” he asked.
I shook my head, no. Rushing towards my discarded clothes, I searched through them until I found the piece of paper with the pages he’d bookmarked. He laughed as I pulled the paper from the sleeve of my chemise blouse and handed it to him without a word.
“You wrote down all the pages?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, unsure and shy all of a sudden. “I didn’t want to lose your place. I…”
“Jessika,” he said. “We can’t do this.”
“I know, but…”
He looped his fingers into my panties and pulled me towards him. Dropping his book onto the floor, careless, with no regard to where he’d left off, he shoved his other hand between my legs. Two fingers inside me, as easily as that, with his thumb curved up towards my stomach. I shrieked, surprised, almost folding my knees and falling to the floor, but he held me up and pulled me onto the couch with him. Laying me down, fingers still in me, he stared at me as I squirmed against him. My body, his touch, it all felt so wonderfully perfect.
I wanted him to take me again, to bring me to climax, but he slipped his fingers out of me as easily as he’d slid them in and left me in a needy mess on the couch.
“Jessika, no more,” he said, smiling.
“I’m… I’m sorry,” I said. I lifted myself off the couch and sat alongside him.
“I can’t cheat on my wife,” he said. “We have, and I did, but it’s not as simple as that anymore. We can’t do this again. Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No,” I answered. “I understand, though. I do, it’s just…”
“You’re curious,” Asher said. “Curiouser and curiouser,” he recited a line from the Wonderland book on his library table. “Do you think that’s cliché? I find myself falling deeper down the rabbit hole, wanting to know more about you, but I’m afraid it’s going to be the death of me. Off with my head.”
“We can paint the roses red?” I offered.
Asher stared at me, blinking. All of a sudden he laughed and kissed my forehead. “I’m sure it’s not that easy.”
“I just… I’d like to be close to you, Asher,” I said, candidly.
He nodded. “I think it’s alright to be close,” he said.
“But, your wife?”
“Yes, I have a wife, Jessika, and I have obligations towards her.”
“I won’t tell her,” I said.
“It’s not about telling her. It’s about trust. If I don’t tell her, then what do I do? She might never find out, but I’ll always know, and…”
“I know,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Will you do it, still?” he asked, looking at me softly. “The surrogacy and everything we talked about?”
“Your wife and… I don’t think she’ll agree to that.”
“She’s returning from her trip tomorrow. We have plans for dinner tomorrow night. I think it’s best if you join us, too. We can discuss everything and…”
I frowned. “Asher…”
“Jessika,” he said firmly. “I know what happened and we both know we can’t go any further, but that doesn’t mean…”
“I think it does actually mean quite a lot,” I interrupted.
“I’m ordering you to attend dinner with me and my wife,” he said. He attempted to sound firm and confident, but I thought I heard a faint trace of uncertainty.
It slipped out of my mouth. I never meant to say it. “What if I get distracted beforehand?”