No. I shouldn’t run after her.
He stood there in indecision. The woods were filled with poachers at this time of the year, and he knew it was dangerous. Still, if she stayed on the trails clearly, her dress should be enough for her to be seen even far off. But it was so cold out there, and she had no coat…
“Enough, Eliot,” he said to himself firmly. She would be fine, and the cab would be only a few minutes anyway. He had made up his mind not to worry, when from the woods and over the frosted lawn came a high-pitched cry.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
He had abandoned me, and I would do what I normally did when I felt lost and alone and abandoned.
I ran.
It was cold, but I did not want my coat. I wanted to feel the aching chill inside of me, the way I had when I first arrived in Hungary. Before the weeks of anticipation and disappointment, before I had turned into someone different. Before emotion strummed my heart and left me vibrating in unreciprocated desire. All anybody wanted was to be understood, and Eliot didn’t understand me. I thought he had, I thought that maybe he could see past the surface and into the deepest cracks, the hidden and imperfect parts of me. Now I fled his gaze. I couldn’t replace the perfect memory of his dead wife.
I stumbled across the field, my feet leaving darkened tracks behind me in the light dusting of snow. Low branches brushed my face, and the wind whistled high above in the trees, promising a storm. My feet brought me closer to the place Eliot had showed me before, the rocks by the stream.
I did not see the doe until I was upon her. Her hind legs kicked as she jumped over the copse and then stopped in her tracks. We had both been running from something and now we stood facing each other across the small clearing. It was only a split second that we stood there, but every interval of time contains within it infinities, and now I felt the world slow down as the doe’s black eyes locked on mine.
The snow was beginning to fall, or had it been falling already? Her tail flickered out and brushed off a dusting of snowflakes from her pelt, the crystals hovering for a moment in the air as though they were weightless.
A high ringing tone pierced my ears, and before I could recognize the sound the arrow shot through the clearing and into the neck of the doe. The shot was true, piercing her pelt cleanly. She took one step forward and stumbled on the next, falling forward on to one knee as though kneeling before me. The sound that escaped her mouth into my ears resembled nothing so closely as a baby’s cry. She stumbled and fell, shock in her eyes.
Blood pooled underneath the deer, the snow melting into a bright red pool. Her chest still rose and fell, but her breathing was shallow. Her hind leg kicked in a short spasm.
I stood, frozen in place. Steam rose from the hot pool of blood in the cold air. A chill ran down my spine. I heard the hunter’s footsteps before I could see him, and then he tramped into the clearing, his bow held to one side. His figure loomed large before me, his dark features hidden behind bushy eyebrows and a beard, but it was his eyes that made my blood run cold. For when his gaze fell upon me, it was full of a hard, mean want that I had never seen before. A realization that I was there, and alone, and there was no one around to protect me. It was a hunter’s gaze, and he had his sights on new prey.
I did not stop to think. If I had I might have been lost. But there was something in this man’s eyes that drove me back as surely as Eliot’s kindness had drawn me toward him. I turned and ran, my feet sliding on the slick carpet of snow just covering the grass.
I heard him behind me, and for one horrible second I thought that he might nock another arrow to his bow and shoot me down like he had the deer. I had desperation on my side, and was gaining ground, but my foot slipped just as I was crossing the small stream and a sharp pain shot up from my ankle, tearing through my entire leg and thigh muscles. I let out a shout and fell, my hands bracing my impact onto the snowy bank. My hands slipped on the icy rock and I tumbled into the shallow stream. My dress soaked through instantly with icy water and I cried out in shock as much as in pain. The chill pierced me through my skin and muscle and my lungs seized up with cold. Blood ran from several cuts on my hands as I tried to scramble up the other side of the riverbank.
He was upon me before I could scream, and as I drew a breath to do so he flipped me face up and cupped one hand roughly over my mouth, his body shoving mine down into the cold earth. I beat at his chest with my fists, and tried to claw his face with my fingers, but with his free hand he blocked my attempts easily. Blood ran down my palms and wrists and I slipped with slick red fingers as I tried to push him away.
My screams were muffled by his palm. He was suffocating me, his weight pressing on my chest. His free hand moved to unbuckle his belt, leaning forward. I reached out to get at his eyes but he grabbed my wrists and wrenched them above my head, pinning them brutally against the snow. He leaned forward, his eyes like black coals flecked with burning white embers at the edges. I closed my eyes to hide myself from his expression: he was smiling.