“It’s not enough!” Brynn’s head tilted back, her eyes wet with tears. “Why did you kiss me?”
Eliot’s heart sank. He couldn’t explain what had drawn him toward her the last time they had met. Pure desire and lack of willpower. Her beautiful face had turned up to his, just like it was now. He felt himself falling back under her spell even now as they stood so close to each other.
“It was a mistake,” he said lamely.
“That’s what you said before!” Brynn pulled away angrily. “That it was just a mistake!”
“I shouldn’t have—”
“Everything isn’t a mistake!” She was furious, her brows slanted angrily above her stormy eyes, and he thought she had never looked so beautiful. “Some things happen for a reason.”
“I was weak,” Eliot said. “You’re a very lovely girl…”
“That’s it, then? You’re so weak you have to run away from me, leave the country, leave everything here?” Brynn’s voice filled with rage. “I can’t believe it.”
“You’re right,” Eliot said. “I should never have come back.”
“No. You should have come back years ago. You should never have left.” Brynn wiped her tears from her face, crying through her words. “You’re not weak, you’re stupid.”
Eliot was speechless, and Brynn continued to lash out, turning toward the window.
“Look at this. All of this. It’s so beautiful. And you gave it up—why? So that you wouldn’t have to face her death?”#p#分页标题#e#
“Brynn—”
“I waited for years to be able to come here,” Brynn said. Her lip quivered as she looked out at the grounds of the estate. The lawn was still covered in a frosting of snow. “I didn’t want anything but to see my mom.”
“It wasn’t your fault—”
“It wasn’t your fault either,” Brynn said. “Marta told me what happened.”
Eliot froze, stricken.
“She had no right to tell you.”
“You weren’t going to tell me,” Brynn said, spinning around toward Eliot accusingly. “You didn’t even tell me you had a wife!”
“She should not have told you.” Eliot’s mind had gone blank, his thoughts spinning around in circles incomprehensibly.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I couldn’t.”
“You didn’t care about me enough to tell me the truth.”
“Brynn—” Eliot reached out to touch her arm, but she pulled away, backing toward the kitchen door.
“You treat me like a child! Like I don’t deserve to know anything!”
“That’s not true—”
“I can’t just stop caring about you, Eliot!” Brynn’s voice trembled, and Eliot could see the streaks that the tears had left on her cheeks, two damp tracks stained slightly with makeup. “Not when you keep doing this. Not when you leave me and then chase me. Not when you tell me you’re going back to America and then kiss me like you might stay. Please…”
They stood apart from each other. Eliot wanted with all his heart to go to her, to cross the space between them and embrace her body with his. It wouldn’t be right, after all of his efforts to keep her distant, and she deserved more than he could ever give. He forced himself to stay put.
“I’ll call for a cab,” Eliot said quietly. Brynn turned her face away from him and for a moment he thought she might break down into tears again, but when she lifted her face it had hardened into a neutral expression.
“I’ll wait outside,” she said. “I’d like to walk through the snow here one more time. If that’s alright with you.”
Eliot nodded. “Let me get you your coat.”
He went to the entryway to get Brynn’s wool overcoat, each step heavier than the last. Losing Brynn tore at his heart, but he thought that it must be the right thing to do. She could never be happy with such a man as Eliot, distracted and heartsick as he was. His own happiness could not be further from his mind.
When he came back, her red coat draped over his arm, he saw that she had already gone out back. His gaze swept the immediate gardens, but he could not see her. Then he found her trail. Brynn’s footsteps dotted the pathway out toward the forest, dark but already filling back up with snowflakes.
“She must be mad,” Eliot muttered under his breath. He threw the coat down onto the chair and stared out of the window. He might have run after her immediately but for the fact that he was barefoot. He turned to go find his shoes, but then paused.