I played the maid of honor, and Rick played the best man, it was hard to take my eyes off him when he was dressed up, he looked incredibly professional.
I felt like he had the same thing on his mind, he might not be looking at me, but the corner of his eye was always facing my way.
Bill and Gladys were married on a Sunday, and it was a small and quite cute ceremony. They ate more than half the cake themselves.
I hadn’t seen mom this happy in a long time. The day filled her with a radiance that I had never seen on her face. Bill, as well, had rosy cheeks and the two of them danced liked they were the only ones in the room.
I giggled when I caught Bill pouring a bottle of Vodka in the punch; I avoided the bowl but seeing mom drunk was the highlight of the day.
Rick finally made his move over to my side. I knew this moment would come, the moment we had to decide how things were going to be from here on out.
“I’ve been thinking about it for the last two weeks,” he started, “we have done things that can’t be taken back. But, those were different people living different lives.
“We’re new people now, two brothers and a sister. Before, I had to decide whether or not I cared about you, but now that we’re family, I found that I love you.
“In some way, I wish that meant that I could love you as a girlfriend, but being siblings had an air of permanence. I’ll always be there for you, and you’ll always be there for me.”
I looked at him with tears in my eyes. I had lost a lover and instead gained a brother.
He held out a USB flash drive and gestured for me to take it. I plucked it from his hand and examined it.
“What is it,” I asked.
“It’s the video I took of you when you were skating on the ice,” he said, “it’s better kept in your care so you can do what you want with it. It’s the only copy.”
I took the drive and slipped it into my purse. He didn’t appear to have any regret.
“Sis, I hope we get along from now on,” he said.
I nodded and reached in to give him a hug. It wasn’t the hug of two lovers any longer; it was the hug of two siblings and I hated it. My body yearned to be closer than a sister. I wanted to pull him in and give him a kiss, and I could see he wanted nothing more than the same.
I wondered what people would think. I could see their eyes silently judging us in our prolonged hug, and I did my best to hide from their gaze. Rick slowly pushed me away, and I accepted his guidance.
It was difficult to see, but I could make out a small tear forming in the corner of his eye. I pretended that I didn’t notice.
We didn’t spend much time together during the short reception. But, I continued to feel his gaze on my back as I talked with other partygoers. They would all pat me on the back and give me a hug of congratulations. I didn’t feel lucky in the slightest.
The night wore on and my mom and her new husband left in the most absurdly decorated car I’d ever seen. She looked at me with such a face of content that I couldn’t help but want to slap her. As though every little bit of happiness she felt was a small knife stabbing into my own.
I still kept Rick in the corner of my gaze, wishing that things had been different. I caught him sneak behind a stack of chairs and throw a meaningless punch into the wall out of frustration. I could tell that he wasn’t too keen on the new living situation either, and that was enough.
It would be a long year at school.
7.
The vacation passed, and I returned to school as a victor. I received more invites to parties from people I hadn’t ever met before. None held much interest for me, but I now had become a bit of a hockey fan. I began attending any game that I could, hoping to see Rick play.
He seemed a different player, more driven and focused. I managed to catch his eye from the stands a couple of times, and he would immediately turn away, almost wishing that I weren’t there.
That is until our team won a major victory over our biggest rival and made it into the playoffs.
I was incredibly excited for the team and made a point to attend their victory party. By now my exploits had become something of a legend, and getting into any party was easy. I recognized plenty of people, and while I was still embarrassed, I accepted their fawning.
Rick was standing next to the glass that surrounded the ice, and I made way straight to the nearest available drink.
I stood there, talking to Kathy while my mind wandered towards Rick. As though the world fell away when we were both in the same room, and trying to avoid thinking of him was counterintuitive. I skirted the outside of the crowd and caught him looking at me more than once.
I wanted nothing more than to walk up to him and leap into his more than capable arms and have him carry me off, but it didn’t feel right. Something was different now, and I wanted to know what.