“Lost? Well where are you trying to go? I can help you get there.”
“No, not lost in that sense. I don’t what I am supposed to do with my life. I have…”
“You have been on the outside, living the englishers. Haven’t you?” Asked Mary.
John was surprised. “Wait, I thought you didn’t know who I was, how did you know that?”
Mary laughed out loud this time. “I don’t know who you are, silly. It is the way that you talk, the way that you dress, and just the way that you carry yourself in general. You stick out like a sore thumb. I have been scolded once for walking too worldly like. We plain folk work hard to be the same you know.”
John knew she was right. “I guess I forgot about how much different I had become.” He wondered if that was why people had been staring at him. Perhaps it wasn’t so much that they hadn’t forgiven him, but more that he was different, and they weren’t used to that. “Well anyway. I was living with the englishers, yes, and it just didn’t feel right.”
“I have only been on the outside for a short time during rumspringa,” said Mary. “Why didn’t you like it?”
“It wasn’t that I didn’t like it. At first I loved it. There are a lot of fun things to do in this world. But after a while it all seemed empty and meaningless. As if they just try to entertain themselves and keep their minds distracted so they don’t have to think about life, and what truly matters. For I think that if a lot of those folks did they would not like what they see.”
Mary listened and thought his words to be interesting. And in some way they made sense to her. “And the belonging that you seek, have you felt it since you have returned?”
John nodded. “Not at first. But you have looked at me differently than any girls or any person for that matter.” John was hoping that he wasn’t being too weird.
Mary was not used to guys talking like this. The plain folk would hardly speak their mind to a girl they didn’t know. But she found it refreshing. “And how have I looked at you,” she asked, genuinely interested.
“You seem to notice me.”
“Do other girls not notice you.”
“I mean the real me,” explained John. He was thinking about the girls at the bar, the ones that he knew just cared about your job and your car and what you were wearing. “You look at the heart, not just at how I can help you.”
John’s words touched Mary. It had been a while since she had heard something to cheer her up, and the words were welcome. “That is how I was raised. I had a very good father…” She trailed off.
“What happened to your father?” Asked John.
“He passed away suddenly from a heart attack. Now things are so hard for my family. I don’t want to bore you with my problems. It doesn’t seem to be what guys want to hear.” Tears welled up in her eyes again.
“What kind of problems are you having,” asked John. He knew that he genuinely cared and wanted to help.
Mary was reluctant to answer. She had already had one guy seemingly lose interest because of her problems. Why should she tell this guy. But something told her it would be okay. “We might lose our house and our farm. If a miracle doesn’t happen soon, we will lose it. I am scared, I don’t know what will happen to my mother and my sister. I could marry and be taken care of, but I just don’t want to leave my family. I don’t know what to do. I am lost too,” she said.
“I think I might be able to help,” said John. He surprised himself with what he said.
“Really? Surely you’re joking,” replied Mary.
“No, I am being serious. You need help with your farm and with chores. And I need a place to stay and I want to work. I want to work with my hands and feel good about myself. I want to wake up early and feel like I am in God’s will.” The words seemed to flow from John. He knew that he had wanted to say these things for a long time.
Mary could not believe her luck, or the providence of God rather. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to stop the farm from being taken, but at least there was hope. At least there would be another man around to help with the chores. “I think you will have to sleep on the couch, or in the barn. But I think mama would be happy to have you around so long as you pulled your weight.”
John knew that he would pull his weight. He wanted not only to work hard for himself and for God, but also for Mary. She was different and beautiful and he liked talking to her. “I think I would like that,” said John. “Now tell me about yourself, not what is going on in your world. But about you.”