“The last time I ever saw my mother was on a cold winter morning. I remember her kissing my brother and me before leaving for work, but instead of returning for dinner, she disappeared.”
Amelia stared at me with so much emotion in her eyes that it was almost too much for me to take. I looked down at my empty tumbler, desperately wishing I had at least one more drop to drown the pain in my chest.
“I’m so sorry, Kellan. I really am,” Amelia said, and her voice was so honest, it melted a little of the coldness in my heart.
My gaze shot up to meet hers, and I gave her a half smile. “You see now why I don’t get attached to people, especially women? I loved her so much, and she just left me like I was nothing.”
Instead of annoying me with questions, Amelia only sat there in silence, staring at me with kind and non-judgmental eyes. For some reason, her behavior made me a smidge more comfortable, so I continued my story.
“After she left, my dad started beating my brother and me. He used the little money my mother left us to feed his addiction, and when the nuisance of buying food for his children became too much, he dropped us off at his parents’ house and disappeared. From what I know, he met someone else not too long after and moved on with his life.”
“What happened to your brother?” she asked, gathering the last of the risotto on her fork and bringing it to her mouth.
I shrugged. “He got into drugs in high school and chose to stay in a dump instead of coming to New York with me. He died of an overdose eight years ago.”
“Is he the reason you don’t want to be responsible for the baby?”
My brows furrowed as I stared at her. Up until that moment, I hadn’t made the connection myself, but I could see it now. If hadn’t even been able to care for my brother and keep him straight, what good could I possibly do for a child?
“I guess, but it’s not just that,” I said with a shrug. “I drink and work all the time, Amelia. I have a different woman almost every night of the week, and I feel no remorse that I don’t even know their names. I’m too much like my dad to have a kid.”
She nodded. “I get that, but don’t you think that completely abandoning your son makes you exactly like both your parents? I don’t mean to hurt you, I really don’t, but if you go on like this, you’ll be no better than them. You’ll have chosen yourself and booze and women over your child and perpetuated their mistakes.”
Deep down, I knew she was right. However, her words bit at me in the most painful way. I hated that she was using my deepest and darkest secrets to teach me a lesson I didn’t want to learn. In a knee-jerk reaction, I got up from the chair and glared at her.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I barked as I made my way back to the living room to refill my glass.
Despite my desperate need for distance, Amelia followed me.
“Yes, I do know. You’re scared. That’s what’s happening,” Amelia said. I looked up to glare at her, but it didn’t stop her one bit. She continued to walk toward me and speak as if she couldn’t see the anger on my face. “You built a life around not caring because that way you’re safe. You have nothing to lose and no one to hurt you, which is why you’re so bent on not being around for our baby and me.”
I was fuming by the time Amelia stopped in front of me. I took deep breaths to calm myself as I watched her raise the hem of her sweater to expose her pregnant belly. My brows pulled together as I looked down at it. It was still small, but it left no doubt that a little person was growing inside it. Without taking her gaze from me, Amelia reached for my hand and placed my palm over her bare flesh. I tried to pull it away, but she held it there.
“Life is not safe, Kellan,” she continued, exasperated. “I had sex for the first time and ended up pregnant. I’ve been a great daughter my whole life, and now my father won’t even look at me. I’m scared to death because I have no idea how to be a mother, let alone a single mother, but I’m still here. I’m holding on because that’s what people do and that’s what this baby—our baby—needs.”
As if agreeing with his mother, the little nugget inside Amelia’s belly moved. I felt it in my palm, and my insides fluttered as a result. At that unexpected reaction at the baby boy growing inside her, my anger grew, and I pulled my hand away. My eyes narrowed at her, and I measured my words so they would make her feel as shitty as she was making me feel.
“Don’t pretend to be a victim or better than me, Amelia. And don’t blame your stupidity on life. It’s not its fault that you couldn’t keep your legs closed.”