Billionaire Flawed 1(159)

Sarah was angry. “Yes it is, and we wouldn’t have to be making this adjustment if it weren’t for you.” She had planned to speak her mind. If she regretted it later so be it. She would regret not speaking her mind more.

“And you don’t think I feel bad about it?” Her father looked like he was about to explode in anger and frustration, but then restrained himself. “We can talk on the way there, let’s go.”

Sarah had never been in a buggy before, and she was determined from the get go to hate it. But now that they were under way she realized that her fears were all founded in truth. It really was horrible. It was slow and bumpy and pulled by a horse that stunk. “Do you even know how to drive a buggy?” She asked her father.

“Do I know how to drive a buggy? Of course, I learned in auto shop in high school,” he replied sarcastically. “I don’t know anything about buggies other than a quick video I watched on them. I am just winging it.”

“Just like you do everything else,” said Sarah.

“Sarah, are you ever going to forgive me?” He thought probably not. What he had done was hardly forgivable.

“You killed mom, dad. I don’t see how you expect me to ever see you in the same light again.” Sarah turned her face from him. The images played through her mind, even though she didn’t want them to.

“I hate it when you put it like that. You know I didn’t kill her. I would never do that. I loved her more than you know.” Jacob didn’t know what else to say. He knew that the guilt would never go away, even if he knew he didn’t mean for his wife to die.

“What did you expect your life decisions to lead to, dad. You are an alcoholic and a lazy bum. I can’t even remember the last time that you had a steady job. Mom had to do everything and she worked so hard to support us. And now that she is gone we have nothing, and it is all because of you,” Said Sarah, practically screaming at her father.

“I quite drinking Sarah, how many times do I have to tell you that.”

“A lifelong alcoholic who quit drinking a few weeks ago is not a changed man.” You are just living in your same delusion that you always do. You are always different today, always going to get a better job. You always promise a better life for us and to treat us better. Well now we are going to live with people that get excited for midnight barn raisings. Are you happy now that we have hit rock bottom. There is no place else for you to drag us. At least mom escaped this hell that you have created.” Sarah was now in tears. She said most of what she wanted. It felt good to get it off her chest, but also terrible at the same time. Though part of her did hate her father, part of her still loved him.

There was a long silence after Sarah said those words. Jacob was too hurt to reply. He thought about his life, something he didn’t do enough probably. He had let his family down, he was fully aware. But his wife’s death was not his fault. She was the only good thing he had in his life. Why would he want something bad to happen to her. But the night she died he was hammered drunk, as was typical. Had he been sober he would have been able to stop the assailant. At least that’s what he told himself. But he was drunk, and could do nothing to help his wife. Maybe had he been sober, the assailant would have killed him too. There was no way to know, but the thoughts haunted him. He would rather have died trying to protect her.

“Do you even know how much farther we have to go,” asked Sarah, breaking the silence.

“I believe we are only about twenty or so minutes out,” replied her father. They had exited the limits of their town and were now in rolling hills. They were not really on a road. Semi organized gravel was more like it. This made the ride very bumpy. Sarah hated it.

“Well I hope we get there soon, I feel like I am going to get sick. Where did you get this thing anyway?” She asked.

“You will be surprised what you can find online. It was pretty cheap, which is probably why it is such an awful ride. I wanted to try to look like anybody else though. Rolling up in a car would not exactly be welcome. We are just lucky that your mother had a connection here. If she didn’t, we would be on the streets or something pretty bad.

“Ya well look at that, mom is still taking care of us after she is gone and you can’t even do that while you are still here.” Sarah still had more pent up vitriol.

“I am doing the best that I can to take care of us now,” said her father. He was confident that he actually meant it this time. He really did want to change. But the only changes he had ever seen in his life were for the worst. It was as if his life had been in a tailspin for as long as he could remember and there was no way he could stop the negative inertia that plunged him deeper and deeper into places he didn’t want to be. “We have a place to stay, be thankful for that.”