I actually found myself liking Julia, but my feelings for August were deeper than anything that I could feel as a sisterly bond with Julia. The only thing that concerned me was that possible aftershock after those inevitable words were spoken. Once the dust settled, would he even be open to the notion of being with me? It was a cross that I was willing to bear.
“I know that you’re right. I do have to talk to her. It’s funny, but it’s usually not me saying the words. I’ve never had to tell somebody that it was over. It was always the girl that came to the end of her rope and couldn’t take me playing the field. I’ve had many conversations where they said that it wasn’t me. I know that it’s me. I don’t make it easy for any woman to get close to me. I’m not looking forward to this. If I didn’t think that it was a coward’s way out, I would send her a text message.” I couldn’t let him do that and that kind of act would only diminish my feelings for him.
“I really hope that you don’t mean that. It’s not a comfortable situation. To end things abruptly by sending a text message will only give her a reason to seek you out. You may not know this about women, but we can be quite vindictive when we want to be. I don’t want to give out all our trade secrets, but I think that you need to know that we respect men more for doing it in person. You can mitigate her reaction by doing it someplace public. It might prevent her from making a scene, but I don’t know her well enough to say that.” I could’ve easily left it alone and let the chips fall where they may. This could’ve been over with a few keystrokes on his phone. I just couldn’t do that to either one of them.
“I wasn’t kidding. I can’t stand to see a woman cry. You can call that my Achilles’ heel. I just don’t know if I can go through with it. The way that I see it is that this is best for the both of us. She won’t have anything holding her to this place. It’s time for her to stretch her wings. I’m not going to be the one to ruin her one chance at happiness. I could be selfish and tell her that I don’t want her to go, but I’m not going to do that.” I was falling for him all over again and there was really nothing that I could do about it.
I could tease him and push his buttons, but I had a feeling that losing her was going to send him into a tailspin. Eventually, maybe a couple of days or even weeks down the road, I could be that shoulder to lean on. He might see me as somebody that he could talk to and that would lead to some intimate moments. It wouldn’t necessarily be sexual, but it had that possibility of turning a late night get together into something more.
“I know from personal experience that she’s going to hate you. It’s going to be that healthy hate that is going to drive her to become the best chef that she can be. I guess it would be nice if you could end things amicably, but that's usually not how these things go. There’s no reason for you to think twice about this. If you don’t know it, I want you to know that I think that you’re doing the right thing. I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes.” To take his mind off of the impending disaster of his love life, I turned his attention towards business matters.
“I really don’t know what I would do without you. Having you here as a sounding board has given me the courage to see what was right in front of me all along. I sometimes think that I’m blind to the suffering of others. I have the kind of money that can build an empire, but I tend to step on the little guy to do it. With you in my life, Amanda, I see things a little differently than I did before. I actually find myself thinking about other people’s feelings. I would’ve never thought twice had you not been able to resist my charms.” What he didn’t know was that I was trapped by every word that was coming out of his sweet looking lips. That I wanted nothing more than to climb into his lap and see what I couldn’t do it to make him smile.
“It wouldn’t have worked out between us anyway. If Julia is the type of woman that you are attracted to then I didn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of being with you.” I heard his voice when I was dreaming and I woke up sweaty and clinging to the sheets for dear life. I was trying to figure out if his interest in me was more than physical. Did he really want me, or was it more that he couldn’t have me?
“I’m a little bit different from other men. My tastes don’t necessarily revolve around women of a certain size. If I see something I like, I tend to jump feet first without thinking about it. With you, I saw that I wanted to find a way to seal the deal between us. You carry yourself with confidence and yet I feel sometimes that you’re struggling with your identity. It’s that vulnerability and strength combined that is hard for me to ignore.” My hands were kneading his muscles and massaging away the pain that he was going to feel from the breakup.