“I want you to know that these moments these last few days have been the happiest of my life.” I was preparing the scene, trying my best to pull the Band-Aid off slowly and not startle him like a wounded animal.
“I know when I started to have real feelings for you. It was when you leaped out of the plane and screamed at the top of your lungs. I saw how willing you were to take that leap of faith and it hit me right where it mattered. You scared me and I know that I didn’t act appropriately. I could’ve handled that a whole lot better, but I didn’t know what to do with those feelings. They were new to me and there’s no way that I could express to you all of that.” He opened the wine and we sat down in his living room where I remembered putting my head on his shoulder.
It was comfortable and serene. There didn’t seem to be anything that could break up this feeling like we were supposed to be together forever.
“I appreciate what you have to say, Marshall, but there’s more to it than you realize. I should have told you a long time ago, but I was cowardly. I may seem strong and confident, but underneath, I still have moments where I’m not the person that you think I am.” I was saying the words, but I still hadn’t gotten to the point of the conversation.
The ding of the stove interrupted my thoughts. He took my hand and we went into the dining room. Everything was perfect. He even pulled out my chair, letting me sit down and then retreating to his own side of the table. We were eye to eye. He lifted the lid of each dish. I could smell the aroma of the Italian pasta, garlic bread and this freshly made ravioli that had me looking at him with surprise.
“My grandmother, god rest her soul, taught me some of the finer things of Italian cooking. I sat at her feet and I learned from the master how to make my own pasta. I think that you’ll agree that it is better than the store-bought variety. She always said that everything tastes better made with love.” I was feeling claustrophobic like the walls were closing in on me. I quickly took the glass of wine and downed it in one swallow.
I had a few bites, but I really couldn’t think about food at a time like this. It was delicious and I had to recognize that he had gone out of his way to make this evening special. I had to steel myself for what I was about to say. I knew that I would have the wrath of Lillian down on top of me. I didn’t care anymore and my feelings surpassed any danger that might befall me.
“I’m going to have to say this before I lose my nerve. I was hired by Lillian, Tina, and Julia to make you fall in love with me. They wanted me to break your heart, stomp on it and then leave you to pick up the pieces. I thought that was the extent of it, but Lillian has had it out for you from the moment that you stopped seeing her. She doesn’t just want to break your heart, but she wants to ruin you and leave you penniless.” I could see that the evening had taken an ugly turn. The expression on his face was a mask of euphoria. It was replaced with contempt.
“I’m going to ask you very nicely to leave.” His tone was neutral, but his anger was right there driving like a knife through me by the look in his eyes.
“I need you to listen to me.” That was the last thing that I should have said. He took a long and drawn out breath and slammed down his hand so hard onto the table that the food and the plates lifted at least a foot in the air. They came back down with a resounding rattle of glass and cutlery.
“I think that you have said more than enough. You must’ve been laughing behind my back this entire time watching me fall needlessly and hopelessly in love with you. If it’s any consolation, you are very good at your job. You do know that you’re not much better than those hookers on the street that sell their wares to those with money. You used me for money and I do hope that your payday was worth it.” He wasn’t letting me explain. I didn’t blame him for his hurt feelings, but I had to do something to soothe those troubled waters.
“I’m not leaving here until you hear me…ouch…you’re hurting me.” He had grabbed my wrist and had come around from the other side of the table to lift me to my feet by my arms. I thought that he was going to strike me. He dragged me to the door and threw my coat in my face.
“I can’t stand to look at you. I can’t believe that I was so stupid to let you in. It was my own fault and I guess from your point of view I had this coming. Get out before I do something that we both regret.” There was no point in arguing and his mind was already made up.
I stood at his door trying to come up with the right words and there was really nothing that I could say in my own defense. I had taken the job and I was more than happy to rip his heart from his chest and let him suffer the indignity of having it displayed for the entire world. I had no idea what I was going to do about Lillian, but getting away from the city and my problems was the only thing that came to mind.