“That’s not something that a mother wants to hear. I’m leaving and I do hope that I have given you food for thought. It’s quite obvious what was going to happen. I can’t even look at you. You’re going to do whatever you want anyway and there’s nothing that I’m going to do to stop you. I think we need some time apart. There has been a lot said here that needed to be said. We both need time to absorb it.” She stepped to the front door and took off the red jacket by the door.
Marshall was about to get up and go after her, but I put my hand on his knee to signify that it was better to let sleeping dogs lie. He looked at me like I was crazy, but I knew enough about the female species to understand that it was not the time to get into it.
The door closed and Marshall was sitting there stunned staring out into space. This was neither the time nor the place to take our affection to the next level. I was just going to have to find some other outlet that didn’t include our sweaty bodies slamming against one another until we were both spent and had nothing left to give.
“I think that I’m going to leave and this wasn’t a very good idea. I see now that I was overreacting to something else and I was going to use you as a substitute. I’m sure that you wouldn’t have complained in the very least, but this would’ve been monumentally stupid on both of our parts. Don’t get me wrong, I still want you, but you are in no frame of mind to live for the moment. You need to take a cold hard look at yourself. It’s time that you realize that what you have been doing is wrong.” I got up and he latched onto my wrist with pleading eyes.
“I really don’t want you to go. Can you just sit here for a little while and be with me?” It was an odd feeling to sit there with him. I consoled him by touching his hand lightly and putting my head on his shoulder.
This whole thing had taken a lot out of him. It was only a few minutes before he was fast asleep. I very carefully and holding my breath took his arm away from over my shoulders. I laid him back down and I realized that what I was seeing was more than a feeling. The way that I was feeling was nothing like I felt for any man. It didn’t take money and it didn’t take fame. That was the power of the infatuation that I had for Marshall.
I had gone home and had some chamomile tea to calm myself down. My nerves were frayed and I still felt like somebody was watching me. There was a pair of headlights that stayed with me all the way home and then turned the other direction when I got to my road. It had to be just this whole situation and the way that Lillian had acted towards me that got me wired too tight. I wouldn’t have put it past her to have someone following me to make sure that I lived up to my part of the deal.
I lay there in bed not able to get a wink of sleep and then I heard what sounded like glass breaking. I bolted straight up, grabbing for the nearest thing that I could use as a weapon. The only thing that I had on hand was a hair dryer. It was heavy and using it like a weapon might be perfect for sending the right message.
I very slowly went out of my bedroom, standing there in the darkness trying to adjust my eyes and then I saw the shadow of somebody by the broken window. Whoever it was had come in from the fire escape and was now skulking in the darkness like a specter of the night.
I tiptoed very carefully, wearing only a pair of boy shorts and my long hair hanging over my breasts to hide my nudity. I wasn’t even concerned that he might be here for more than just stealing me blind. It hadn’t even occurred to me that I might be in danger.
I wanted to shock whoever it was. I turned on the lamp to illuminate a man that should’ve been home nursing a hangover.
“I followed you and now I know where you live.” He had the stink of alcohol on his breath. Marshall had obviously gotten into the bottle to wash away his sins. “I don’t think that it was very fair of you for leaving me in my state. I barely heard the door close. I wasn’t even sure how I was going to keep up with you. I saw you go into this building and I wanted to join you, but I thought better of it. I didn’t get very far before I found myself with cash in hand buying a bottle of cognac. I’m just one step up from those that panhandle on the street.” I still held the hair dryer in my fist turning my fingers white. I wasn’t sure what to expect.
“You must know that you’re drunk and you’re not acting in your right mind. You broke my window. What exactly did you expect was going to happen? Did you want me to run into your arms like a fairy tale character and give you my love and undying devotion? Did you want to sleep it off here, because you were afraid of what your mother might think if she came over and found you like this?” I was still a few feet away from him and this was not the way that I was going to cement our bond.