I stomped upstairs and changed into some leggings before I dropped into my bed. I played back every comment that I’d made to him and replayed his reactions. I suspected that Payne noticed my attraction and hints, but it seemed to throw him off.
I had a day or so before I had to be at the office again and I planned to use that time to relax. I wanted to drink a bottle of wine, but Payne might frown on that as I closed my eyes.
I wish I were the kind of person to go to a bar, picking out a guy just to get this out of my system. It just seemed so futile now that I’d waited this long for Payne. It would be a disappointment to give that to someone else.
Dad came home from his office in the afternoon, asking if I was hungry. I was, and we decided to go grab a burger at our favorite diner. I asked him to get my car on the way home, and he laughed at the story about Payne. “Dad, he was acting like I was five or something.”
“He has known you since you were a baby. He’s protective is all,” he protested, turning my lust into something twisted and wrong in seconds. What was I thinking?
“Yeah…I know,” I replied as my shoulders slumped. “I’m an adult now. I guess it’s annoying.”
“You’ll always be a kid to me and probably Payne as well. Get used to it. If something happened to you…” His face darkened as we pulled up to the garage where my car was parked. “I don’t know what I’d do. You’re all that I have.”
“I am not going anywhere, Daddy.” He smiled at me, and I reached for his hand. “I’ll see you at home?”
“Sure. Coming right back?” His voice was light as I nodded, thanking him for the meal as I slipped out of the car and walked over to my parking spot. I found the Escalade and started it, pulling it out to pay and get onto the main street. I enjoyed the drive home as I wound through town and up the hill into our neighborhood. I thought back to the comments about Payne, realizing that he was something of a father figure to me. There was no blood relation to him whatsoever, so my feelings were okay, weren’t they?
I pulled in and parked in the big garage next to Dad, getting out to head into the house. He was outside on the phone, laughing and I kept going up to my room. I wasn’t feeling so good now that reality crept into my brain, the food settling at the bottom of my stomach. I was aware that I was more attracted to Payne with every moment that we spent together. I knew that I’d built this up in my head to some degree, trapped at school with fumbling boys. You’d think that since it was Harvard, I’d be among mature and intelligent people. That was true in some ways but in the bedroom, it was still awkward. I’d kissed a few people and tolerated their efforts to bring me to a climax over clothing, stopping anything further after that. I had my own fingers and a fantasy in my head that was perfection.
It was too early for that now, barely dark and I grabbed my laptop and sat down on my bed. I pulled up my chat program, messaging some local friends about lunch tomorrow since I was going to be a working girl after that. It was just three, since so many people had moved away to places like New York and San Francisco to pursue big dreams. I’d seen that happening to me as well at some point, but I needed to be here to pursue my dream right now. I needed to be close to Dad. Everything would fall into place.
With lunch plans set, I changed into my pajamas and went downstairs to give Dad a hug goodnight. He was on his phone, looking focused and I kissed his cheek. “Stop working. Relax.”
“It’s a client that needs some advice,” he mumbled as I shook my head. He worked hard, sometimes too hard. He provided me with a beautiful home and life from all that work, something I’d always appreciate. I just hated seeing him always on the clock, making me wonder if I’d be happy as an assistant in law. I didn’t want to have a family down the line and always be at work.
“Good night. Get some rest.” I knew that a family seemed like a faraway reality but being twenty-four also did once upon a time. I walked up the stairs back to my room, dropping onto the bed as I let out a slow breath. Wanting Payne the way I did, first as a curious teenager and now as a needy adult, was exhausting. I needed to figure out how to just settle for something else, a future.
The next day was fun, filled with laughter and stories of college. The other girls had a lot steamier romance stories to share than I did, making me blush as I realized that it was all things that I wanted with Payne.
“There had to be someone, Vie. You were at Harvard, and there are some brilliant men there.” Kim was looking at me curiously, and I laughed.
“I was studying all of the time. Everybody was.” I shrugged. “I had a couple moments, but it wasn’t what I expected.” I’d never admit that I was a virgin in this group, so I lied a little bit. “Now is our time. We’re graduates and going on to jobs!! This is when it will happen for us.”