Looking back as I parked my car, I had a lot of happy memories here. He gave me everything that he could and made sure that I was set in life. Perry did the best that he could, and I loved him for it.
I just loved him in the wrong way.
I pulled off my jeans and sweater, dropping on my bed as I took a slow breath. I shoved one leg under my rumpled sheets and closed my eyes as my body heated up. I had been overwhelmed with thoughts of Perry all day and my hand slipped between my legs, needing the release. I imagined him as I worked my clit, having saved some of the best images over the years in my mind. Perry was sexy in all states, but when we spent time in the pool in the summer, it took all my self-control not to get myself off right there, not to mention attack him. He went to the gym regularly and looked amazing. He was proud of his body, almost to a fault and had no issues showing it off. I wanted him to notice me in the bathing suits that got smaller when my courage grew, but he never seemed to. Perry would just tell me not to wear them out in public with that familiar protective tone in his voice.
I wanted to go down naked to make him see what I was feeling.
We worked out at the same gym as well as our home one, and I’d sneak peeks as he lifted weights and worked out every part of his masculine form. Perry wasn’t going for the build of a bodybuilder as much as he had toned muscles and lean planes in his body. He just wanted to keep up with his busy life and be as healthy as possible. I knew deep down that a lot of that had to do with me and was based on some belief that he couldn’t leave me as well. That made me sometimes cry because I couldn’t imagine life without him. I was twenty-one and had all the money that I needed to live as an adult, but I needed Perry. It twisted my insides when I thought about that and how much I wanted him. It wasn’t right, at all. I wanted to push all the desire and emotion away, but it had grown steadily after living here with him. It was powerful and real to me, and I struggled inside as a human being, as a woman.
I came to the image of him sweaty as he lifted some weights, every muscle in his back taut. I held in my cries, never knowing if he was close in this big house. I wanted to scream his name and give Perry credit for what he did to me. Not here, though. I rocked against my hand, prolonging the pleasure until I couldn’t stay awake any longer. I dropped back onto my pile of pillows and gave in to my exhaustion.
I must have slept hard because I woke up to the sound of Perry’s voice, turning my head to see him looking at me with shocked eyes. “Huh?”
“Dinner will be ready in a few minutes,” he stammered before leaving my room and pulling the door closed. I glanced down and saw that I was dressed only in a tank top, bra and a pair of panties that were askew from my earlier activity. I was barely covered with my sheet, running hot on a regular basis, and always kicking blankets off to begin with. There was a part of me that was admittedly ashamed that he’d seen me in such a state. There was another deeper part of me, a carnal part that loved the way that he was looking at me. It was a part of me that wanted to do it again, to break him down so that he wanted me as much as I did him. I knew there was something in his gaze that told me that he did, even if it was a part of him that he was denying.
I hopped out of bed and changed into some leggings in the bathroom after I freshened up. I could still smell the lingering scent in my bedroom of my masturbation, and I suspected that he could as well. I pulled a longer t-shirt over the pants, wearing only a camisole underneath with no underwear under the leggings. It wasn’t the first time I’d done this. It was my home, and I deserved to be comfortable.
I headed downstairs to see him in the kitchen with platters of chicken and vegetables on the counter, smelling delicious. I walked over to get plates and glasses, taking them to the table automatically as I took in the majestic view with a smile. Perry followed with one of the platters, and I grabbed the other before I took my seat at the end of the table and Perry at the other. It wasn’t a big table at all, meant for the two of us when we didn’t have guests, but there was room to sit beside one another. He chose not to do that, and I took the bottle of wine that he’d opened for us and poured a glass, something that he typically did. I sipped as I watched him load up his plate without eye contact and longed for the closeness that I was accustomed to.
Where was the balance that I craved? Where was the relationship that I wanted with him so badly?
Perry seemed to relax as we ate, asking me about my tests as he seemed to grow more comfortable with me as the moments passed. I admitted that I was certain I scored a good grade, as I often did and he seemed pleased as he asked me what my plans were after graduation.