Then the relationship would seem to end naturally, and Caroline looked like she was relieved. Was she judging the women as much as I judged her one boyfriend? I didn’t understand, but at least Caroline wasn’t upset. I worried about her getting close to one of the women and feeling lost when she was gone, never able to forget the look in her eyes when she knew that her mother was gone. It broke my heart.
I sensed that Caroline built walls around herself after her parent’s death, even with me. She went to her therapist, and I assume that she spoke a lot about her feelings in that room, keeping quiet at other times. We’d talk about her parents sometimes, sharing laughter over memories and holidays spent together and I could tell that she enjoyed it. It just wasn’t frequent.
She’d grown into a beautiful woman and a mix of both parents. I hated the curves that came with age, knowing that men would be breathing down her neck. Persistence would get them close to her, and Caroline would give them what they wanted of her, resulting in tears and a broken heart. It would lead to me wanting to kill a kid that was just starting his life. Brandon used to joke about cleaning a shotgun when boys came over later when his daughter was older, and it all made sense now.
I didn’t want to see her get hurt. Nobody would when they were raising someone the way that I was.
Caroline seemed to have an interest in men before and after the one senior year. I noticed a few late nights out that went unexplained and some calls and texts here and there, but she always seemed to be focused on me and the house. Caroline seemed to observe me, and I’d watch her as she’d frown and leave the room, hating that someone was making her sad. I wanted her to be comfortable in this house since it was hers as well as mine, and never understood why she was downstairs with her phone instead of in her own room like most teenagers. Colleagues complained to me that they never saw their kids and that it seemed like a fight to spend time with them, but Caroline was around a lot. She enjoyed cooking and cleaning, taking care of me and seeing me happy. She did it even when I was dating someone and sometimes it bothered the woman. I wondered if a few relationships didn’t end because I was raising a teenager.
I would always choose Caroline. She lost the two people that meant the most to her, and I wasn’t going to abandon her. If I didn’t find something perfect that would suit the situation, then I’d just wait. I was in no rush to get married. In truth, Brandon and I had both been interested in Mila when we met her in a college class. She was a bubbly and beautiful girl, but he won her over within just a few moments. There were times when I was bitter and a bit envious, but they fell in love quickly and were married within a couple of years. Once they had Caroline, I had someone to spoil and love, and I felt like it was my life that was complete.
I wondered if I would meet someone and want what my friends had. Everything was so casual with the women that I dated, and I never felt that connection and the years flew by before I found myself as the caretaker of a young girl that needed me more. I didn’t even think about dating for the first couple of years once she moved in with me, too focused on making sure she was okay. I got her a grief counselor, a membership to the best gym when she expressed interest in that, and instruments and technology as she expressed interest in anything. I had money, and I could give her any material thing that she needed. It was all that I knew how to do and what I’d done all along.
Now that she was going to be graduating soon, I wanted to do something special for Caroline. I was going to take her to dinner somewhere around the ceremony, but I needed to go bigger. She made me so proud, and I knew that her parents were watching from above. I know that they’d do something special for Caroline and I wanted her to feel as important as she was to all of us.
I’d start tonight by making her favorite dinner. She loved it, and I wanted to make her happy. I’d figure something else out for the rest.
Caroline
I got through the test and felt good about it, driving home yawning with every intention of taking a nap. I knew that I was focusing too much on my feelings for Perry and longed to just let them go. That was difficult, given what he’d come to mean to me over the last several years. He was one of the best uncles for the first thirteen years of my life, always doting on me and taking me out to ice cream or the movies. He went to any game that I played in my early years, rooting me on from the stands as I grinned and looked over several times at him and my parents. It was the greatest childhood a girl could ask for, and I felt lost when it ended so abruptly.
I knew that Perry was the only person that could take any kind of care of me. My family was distant from my parents, so why would they want me? How would I know that they loved me the way that he did, and not the money left to me by my parents? They saw that I’d be okay in life, at least financially as well as surrounded by love when they left me in the care of Perry. There was no better place for me even if he was a bit awkward about it in the beginning.