I race through possible excuses, but before I latch onto one, Charlotte pipes in, placing her hand on her heart in apology. “I’m so sorry, Emily. That was me. When Spencer drives me crazy, I kick him under the table. And, being a man, he does that often, even though I still adore him. This time though, I slipped and kicked you. I’m sorry,” she says with the sweetest smile, and I could kiss her. I could fucking kiss her.
So I do. I clasp my hand on her cheek. “I deserved it. I love that you keep me in check, honey bear,” I say, then press a soft kiss to her lips.
She kisses me back for a few seconds, a chaste, sweet kiss, but even so, it’s nearly enough for me to forget the whole table full of people. All I want is more of this fake kissing. More tongue, more lips, more teeth.
More contact.
More her.
Exactly what I can’t be wanting.
Clapping begins. I end the kiss to see my sister leading the cheers. “You two are the cutest couple. When is the wedding?”
Oh.
That detail.
My mother’s eyes shine with excitement. “Oh yes, will it be a summer wedding?”
“We’re thinking spring,” Charlotte says, once again seamlessly taking the reins. “Perhaps May. Maybe at an art gallery. Or a museum. The Museum of Modern Art has such lovely sculpture gardens for weddings.”
“Oh, that would be a gorgeous location,” Mrs. Offerman says, the kicking incident now in a galaxy far, far away. She cups her hand over the side of her mouth so her girls can’t see her. “I’ve already been scoping out locations for their nuptials, even though those are years away. But you can never start too early.”
Mr. Offerman clasps his hand on top of hers. “It’s a good hobby for you, dear. It gets you out of the kitchen.”
I straighten my spine. Are we in the fifties here? “Out of the kitchen?”
My father clears his throat, his voice booming over mine. “Kate, what do you think of the sculpture garden?” he says to my mother, and that’s my cue to zip my lips. “You’ve always loved the Museum of Modern Art.”
“It’s a stunning location, and I think Charlotte and Spencer’s wedding will be beautiful wherever they choose to hold it. Charlotte, I know you’re close to your own mother, but I’m here for any planning help you need. I adore weddings.”
Mrs. Offerman weighs in again, locking her gaze with Charlotte. “Your mother must be so thrilled. Will she be planning it for you?”
Charlotte’s expression turns perplexed, and she furrows her brow. “I’m sure she’ll help.”
“Of course she’ll help, dear. She’ll do more than help. Is she nearby?”
“My parents live in Connecticut.”
“What else would she be doing but helping plan the special day?” Mrs. Offerman says with a look of utter surprise, as if she can’t comprehend any scenario but the one where Charlotte’s mom spends every waking hour barking commands at florists and issuing orders at swank reception halls.
“She’s pretty busy with work,” Charlotte says.
“Oh. Work?” That seems to confuse the woman. “What does she do?”
“She’s a surgeon at a hospital in New Haven.”
Mrs. Offerman’s eyebrows shoot into her hairline, her eyes widening to beach-ball size. “How interesting. And your father?”
“He’s a nurse,” Charlotte says, and her tone is so completely dry that I start to crack up, but manage to suck in the sound and clamp my lips together once more.
“Really? I thought he was a doctor, too?” my mother says, genuinely surprised, as she should be, since Charlotte is fucking lying right now. It is killing me, absolutely killing me to hold all this laugher inside my throat.
Charlotte smacks her forehead. “My bad. He started as a nurse, but he worked his way up, at my mother’s encouragement, and became a doctor, too.” This time she is telling the whole truth, and the look on Mrs. Offerman’s face is priceless. It’s as if she’s never heard of a male nurse, and certainly not one who became a doctor at his wife’s urging. Mr. Offerman appears even more flummoxed.
The silence spreads. The table goes quiet for a moment. The clink of glasses and the jangling slide of forks against china is the only sound in the private room.
“To the happy couple,” my father says, rescuing the table from any more chatter about the roles of men and women by raising his glass.
“Hear, hear. Who doesn’t love a wedding? It’s our favorite thing, isn’t it?” Mr. Offerman says to Dad with a wink that says, now we’re two men celebrating what feeds our business.