Big Bad Professor(20)

“I can’t see you anymore,” she said quickly. I could tell she had been crying. I didn’t say anything. I just listened. This wasn’t a surprise. This was just icing on the Chase Hollander cake.

She said, “I’m sorry, Chase. I really like you, but I don’t want to screw up your career. I really hope you get your shit together, because you are a wonderful person and any girl would be lucky to have you. I just can’t let that girl be me. I’m so sorry…” She paused for a moment. “Chase? Chase? I can hear you breathing. Say something…”

I didn’t say anything, so she hung up the phone.

Now Audrey was gone, too.

I tossed the phone on the seat and sat there with my fingers on the cap of the whiskey bottle. My Kiley had been killed by a guy who’d gotten shit-faced and drove his car into us.

I wasn’t going to do that to anyone. I set the whiskey in the seat, started the car, and headed for home.

I’d caused enough misery to other people.

What I had to do I would do alone.





CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: Audrey

I must have been exhausted, because after I called Chase to tell him I couldn’t see him anymore, I crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, it was dark outside the bedroom window.

I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes, which were still swollen from crying. I switched on the lamp and looked for my phone. I found it tangled in the covers. I had five texts from Rachel, a voice mail from my mom, but nothing from Chase.

No call, no text, no nothing.

I wiped the fresh tears from my eyes and tossed the phone aside. I was a little pissed at Chase, but I didn’t know why. I mean, what did I expect him to do?

Did I expect him to call me back or show up at my door to talk me out of breaking it off with him?

Or did I expect him to just crawl back under his rock and wait to die?

The thought sent a chill down my spine. Chase had made a comment to me at some point during the weekend. I hadn’t given it much thought at the time, but now the words came back to haunt me like an ill wind. I couldn’t remember the exact words, but it was something like, “When you have nothing left to live for, life isn’t really worth living.”

A sense of panic swept through my body. I had forgotten that Chase had a meeting with his boss earlier in the day to find out if he was going to be fired.

Then I broke up with him over the phone.

Jesus, Audrey, you’re a bigger asshole than he is!

But would Chase do something to harm himself because of me?

Did he really feel that life wasn’t worth living anymore?

Was he that close to the edge?

I picked up the phone and called Chase’s number. The phone rang a dozen times and then went to voice mail. I hung up without leaving a message. I thumbed in a text message and waited for a reply.

AUDREY: Chase? Are you there? Chase?

The blinking cursor mocked me, but there was no reply.

“Fuck, no, Chase. Don’t you do it!” I said, switching on the bedside lamp. I slid my feet into the running shoes that were on the floor next to the bed and ran into the living room.

My purse and car keys were on the sofa. I had to get to Chase’s house before he did something crazy! I would never forgive myself if I had been the one to push him over the edge.

I ran to the door and jerked it open.

And nearly ran into Chase, who was standing there with his knuckles outstretched, about to knock on my door.

I immediately felt the breath rush from my lungs and I fell into his arms.

Then darkness.





CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: Chase

I’d never had anyone literally faint in my arms before. I was just about to knock on Audrey’s apartment door when she jerked the door open and stared at me with a look of terror in her eyes. She looked at me as if she’d seen a ghost, and then she fell into my arms.

I scooped her up and carried her inside and gently set her on the couch. I wet a cold rag and placed it over her forehead and waited for her to wake up.

“Hey you,” I said as her eyelids fluttered. I put my hand to her forehead to take the rag. “Are you okay?”

She looked at me for a moment, then burst into tears and grabbed me. She didn’t just put her arms around me. I mean she grabbed me and put me in a bear hug and held on till I could hardly breath.

“Oh god, Chase, I thought you were going to do something awful,” she said, burying her face in my shoulder. “I was afraid you were going to…”

“Kill myself?” I asked, gently pushing her back so I could gaze into her eyes. I couldn’t lie to her. If this was going to work, whatever this was, I had to always be honest with her.

“I thought about it,” I said quietly, closing my eyes. “I went home and gathered up every ounce of booze I had in the place and set it on the coffee table. I was going to drink until I couldn’t drink anymore, and then I was going to turn on the gas in the oven and stick my head in. Or I was going to set the place on fire. I hadn’t really worked out all the details.”