Maybe tomorrow, or once she was packed and her flight was booked, she would drop in to see him and try to explain. Maybe by then she'd have found the words.
She pulled on some clothes and dragged the boxes she always kept on standby out of the hall closet. It wouldn't take long-being wary of putting down roots meant she liked to be ready to pick up and travel when the need struck, so packing was easy.
She was on her living room floor, surrounded by sealed and half-packed boxes, when Dylan returned. In one hand he held a takeout tray with two coffees and a pastry bag, and in the other, a bunch of flowers. But his expression...his expression was going to haunt her dreams.
* * *
Dylan froze on the threshold to Faith's apartment, feeling as if he'd been sucker punched.
When he'd woken this morning, he'd been so damn filled with love and optimism, all he could think about was waking like this every morning. Of spending the rest of his life with her. He'd slipped out without waking her to hunt down the perfect engagement ring. He knew it couldn't be a standard diamond for Faith, and he'd found a purple diamond in a platinum setting in a window and convinced the owner to open early for him.
He'd been on cloud nine, seeing a rosy future in front of them, seeing everything he'd never known he wanted all wrapped up in one gorgeous woman. Faith. Telling her he loved her last night had felt right, deep in his soul. She might not have said the words back, but he was in no doubt that she loved him. Not after the way she'd been touching him last night.
He'd hoped she'd still be asleep when he got back with breakfast and the ring, but it had taken a little longer than he'd planned. Still, the last thing he'd expected to see was her getting ready to flee.
Again.
Especially after spending a night together that had rocked his world. It was as if all the air in the room-in his life-had been sucked out, leaving him in a vacuum.
"Going somewhere?" he asked mildly.
"Uh, yes."
He took a step inside but couldn't bring himself to sit down or even cross the room. Not when she was surrounded by those damn packing boxes. "You're taking the job, aren't you?"
"It's an incredible opportunity." Her voice was laced with guilt, and she wouldn't meet his eyes. It seemed that they weren't on the same page about this relationship at all.
"When did you decide?" he asked, not 100 percent sure he wanted to know the answer. "Just now, or had you already made up your mind last night?"
She was silent, which pretty much answered his question. He wanted to throw up.
"So you'd made up your mind and were obviously hoping to skip out this morning while I wasn't looking. Were you planning on ever telling me? Or perhaps the plan was a quick call from New York after you'd arrived?"
"I was definitely going to talk to you." She finally looked up and met his gaze, and he could see that much was true. Shame about the rest.
"So," he said and drew in a breath, steeling himself, "telling you last night that I love you doesn't mean anything to you?"
"Of course it does, but love isn't enough, Dylan. It's not steadfast." She moistened her lips, her beautiful brown eyes pained. "You have to understand that my career is the only thing I've ever been able to count on."
Suddenly Dylan was angry. She was giving up because she didn't think she could count on them? On him? He dropped the flowers on the coffee table and slid the takeout tray down beside the bouquet. Then he reached into his pocket, found the little velvet box, held it up and opened it.
"How's this for steadfast?" he said, forcing each word out past a tight jaw. "I was willing to commit my life to you."
She flinched. "I'm sorry. But you say that now-"
"I said it last night, too," he pointed out, setting a clenched fist on his hip.
She brushed at a tear as it slid down her cheek. "Thing is, I believe you. I promise I do. But once the novelty wears off, you'll be gone. It was never going to last."
"Explain that to me," he said, not caring that his exasperation was coming through in his tone. "Explain how you know what I'll do."
She collected her hair up in her hands, and then let it drop as she sat back on her heels. "One thing I've learned is that love is fickle. All my life I've seen the proof of people's attraction to the next bright, shiny thing. I was never enough. My aunt who loved me for a year then gave me up when she got pregnant. My mother who loved me but was always leaving for the next big adventure. My grandparents who loved me but were always relieved when someone else took me in. My father who loved me but wouldn't arrange a job on land so I could live with him. You might love me, Dylan," she said, her voice cracking on his name, "but something else will come along, snag your attention and drag you away. I will never allow myself to be in the position of thinking I'm not enough again."
He'd known she had a rough childhood and that made trust difficult for her, but he couldn't believe she thought their relationship wasn't worth fighting for. Wasn't worth giving a chance. She didn't think he was worth taking a risk on. Weariness suffused every cell in his body.
"You know, you say people leave, but you're the one leaving. It's always you leaving, either sneaking out of my place after we make love, or leaving early from the launch, or going to the flower market at two in the morning."
Then he dropped the ring on the hall stand and glanced over his shoulder. "Ever heard the phrase 'Be careful what you wish for'? You've been expecting me to leave since day one, and here I go."
He walked out the door and across the small courtyard to his car without once looking back.
Twelve
Faith sat on a plastic chair at the window of her tiny New York apartment, chin in her hands as she looked down at the street below. She'd been here for only two weeks, so it wasn't strange that it didn't feel like home yet...though when had anyplace ever felt like home?
She loved the new job, but deep in her soul she'd been numb from the moment she'd arrived. No, before. She'd always been alone, but this loneliness was different-it was a yearning for one person. A tall, flirtatious man with sparkling green eyes and hair like polished mahogany.
Since she'd learned the hard lessons about life as a child, she'd always been emotionally self-sufficient, but something had changed. She'd developed relationships. She'd never let a person get as close to her, under her guard, as Dylan had. But it wasn't just him-she'd become friends with Jenna.
Jenna had called to congratulate her when she'd heard about the job, and they'd kept in touch since she moved. They'd spent a lot of time together while organizing the launch of the Ruby Iris, but at the time, Faith had thought of them as colleagues working together. Now she realized what Jenna had known then-they'd become friends.
Somewhere along the line, Faith had learned to believe in people again.
Desperate to hear a friendly voice, she picked up her cell and dialed Jenna's number.
Jenna picked up on the first ring, her lilting voice a little breathless. "Hi, Faith."
"Is this a bad time?" Faith asked. She was acutely aware that Jenna had two babies and her time was often not her own.
"Now is good. We're out back in the double stroller, walking along the flower beds. As long as I keep pushing them, I can talk to you until snack time."
Faith's mind drifted to when she'd worked on-site at the flower farm and could wander along those same flower beds during her lunch break, sometimes chatting with Jenna or carrying one of the babies on her hip. "Give them both a cuddle from me when you get a chance."
"Will do. How are you?"
"It's all good here." Faith smiled as she said it, hoping it would make her voice sound happy. "Just home from work and felt like a chat."
There was a pause. "Have you talked to Dylan lately?"
By an unspoken rule, they'd never spoken about Dylan, and Faith wasn't sure how much Dylan had told his sister-in-law of what had happened between them. "Um, no. I don't think we've had a chance to touch base since I arrived."
"A chance to touch base? That sounds as if you're talking about an acquaintance."
"Dylan and I worked together," she said carefully.
Jenna laughed. "You're not honestly going to try to tell me that nothing happened between you two. I haven't pushed you on it because I realize things must have been messy, but I've never seen two people who looked at each other the way you guys did. It was intense."