Beyond the Highland Myst(498)

"What are you using magic for?" Drustan asked carefully.

Dageus tossed back the rest of his drink, rose, and went to stand before the fire. "I was using it to obtain the texts I needed to see if there was a way to… get rid of them."

"What is it like?"

Dageus rubbed his jaw, exhaling. " 'Tis as if I have a beast inside me, Drustan. 'Tis pure power and I find myself using it without even thinking. When did you know?" he asked, with a faint, bitter smile.

Cold eyes, Drustan thought. They hadn't always been cold. Once they'd been warm, sunny-gold, and full of easy laughter. "I've known since the first, brother."

A long silence. Then Dageus snorted and shook his head.

"You should have let me die, Dageus," Drustan said softly. "Damn you for not letting me die."

Thank you for not letting me die, he added silently, torn by emotion. It was a terrible mixture of grief and guilt and gratefulness. If not for his brother's sacrifice, he would never have seen his wife again. Gwen would have raised their babies in the twenty-first century, alone. The day he'd read Silvan's letter, and discovered the price his twin had paid to ensure his future, he'd nearly gone crazy, hating him for giving up his own life, loving him for doing it.

"Nay," Dageus said. "I should have watched over you more carefully and kept the fire from happening."

" 'Twas not your fault—"

"Och, aye, it was. Do you know where I was that eve? I was down in the lowlands in the bed of a lass whose name I can't even recall—" He broke off abruptly. "How did you know? Did Da warn you?"

"Aye. He left a letter for us explaining what had happened, advising that you'd disappeared. Our descendant, Christopher, and his wife, Maggie—whom you'll meet anon—gave it to me shortly after I'd awakened. You called not long after that."

"Yet you pretended to accept my lies. Why?" Drustan shrugged. "Christopher went to Manhattan twice and watched you. You were doing naught I felt needed to be stopped."

His reasons for not going to America to retrieve his brother were complicated. Not only had he been loath to leave Gwen's side while she was pregnant, he'd been wary of forcing a confrontation. After talking with him on the phone, he'd known that Dageus was indeed dark, but was holding on somehow. He'd suspected that were Dageus a tenth as powerful as Silvan believed, trying to force Dageus to return would have accomplished naught. Had it come to force, one of them would have died. Now that Dageus was there in the room with him, Drustan knew'twould have been himself who'd died. The power in Dageus was immense, and he wondered how he'd withstood it this long.

Cautiously, when Dageus turned his back to him and busied himself opening a new bottle of whisky, Drustan reached out with his Druid senses, curious to know more about what they were dealing with.

He nearly doubled over. The whisky he'd sipped, curdled in his gut and tried to daw its way back up.

He retracted instantly, frantically, violently. By Amergin, how did Dageus stand it? A monstrous, icy, rapacious beast pulsed beneath his skin, snaking through him, coiled, but barely. It had a fierce, gluttonous appetite. It was huge and twisted and suffocating. How could he breathe?

Dageus turned, one brow arched, his gaze icy. "Never do that again," he warned softly. Without bothering to ask, he poured Drustan a refill.

Drustan snatched it from his hand and tossed it back swiftly. Only after the heat of it had exploded in his chest, did he trust himself to speak. He'd not kept his senses open long enough to explore the thing. His throat constricted by whisky and shock, he said hoarsely, "How did you know I was doing it? I scarce even—"

"I felt you. So did they. You doona want them to. Leave them alone."

"Aye," Drustan rasped. He hadn't needed the warning; he had no intention of opening his senses around his brother again. "Are they different personalities, Dageus?" he forced out.

"Nay. They have no separateness, no voice." As yet, Dageus thought darkly. He suspected the day might well come when they found a voice. The moment Drustan had reached out, they'd stirred, sensing power, and for a moment he'd had the terrible suspicion that what was in him could drain Drustan, suck him dry somehow. "So, it's not as if you can actually hear them?"

" 'Tis—och, how can I explain this?" Dageus fell silent a moment, then said, "I feel them inside me, their knowledge as my own, their hunger as my own. It intensifies my desire for even simple things such as food and drink, to say nothing of women. There's a constant temptation to use magic and the more I use it, the colder I feel. The colder I feel, the more reasonable it seems to use it, and the stronger my desires become. I suspect there's a line that, should I cross, I will no longer be myself. This thing inside me will take over. I doona know what would happen to me then. I think I would be gone."