Beyond Eighteen(2)

“Wilson, sweetie, let’s go upstairs. You can clean up and change your clothes. Freshen up a bit,” Joanie said in a soothing voice. It was the same voice I found comfort in when every other shitty event happened in my life. She ran her hands up and down my arms from my elbows up to my shoulders and back, collecting the heat she generated with her friction.

I didn’t say anything. I just willed the muscles in my legs to work and Joanie did the rest. She supported me as I ambled out of the living room and up the imperial staircase. I also knew better than to try and argue with Joanie. She knew what I was going to need, and how much time it was going to take me to wallow in my misery.

My knees stretched and ached as I pushed up each step. They seemed to be taller than I remembered. The same gut-wrenching feeling I’d had when I first climbed these stairs twisted low in my stomach. Those familiar feelings of wanting Max and not knowing if he felt the same way about me started to swirl throughout my body. The beads of perspiration that tickled and rolled from my hairline down the back of my neck when I decided to find him at Cindy’s “seasonal” party just a month earlier began to push from my pores. It seemed so long ago and yet not long enough to be in this much pain.

We were almost to the top of the stairs, my body still leaning into Joanie’s, still hoping that I could make it up to the room, when I saw Cindy standing at the top of the stairs. God, she is the absolute last person I want to see right now. Her lips twisted into a smirk and her eyes gleamed with the triumph she felt at ruining my life. Every bit of her, even the way she pressed her hands against her hips, looked like she was ready to rub it in my face that she was right and I was nothing more than a tragedy in the life of Max Goldstein.

I took a deep breath, about to tell Cindy I couldn’t deal with whatever she had to say, when Joanie did my bidding for me.

“Not now, Cindy,” Joanie steamed as she waited for Cindy to get out of the way.

I went numb. Cindy finally knew about Max and me. I couldn’t even find my voice to argue back. Everything I’d ever stood for my entire life was ripped away the moment Cindy walked in and found me making out with Nick. My honor, my morals, my credibility—all wiped away like it never existed. I wanted to crawl into a hole and shrivel up into the piece of crap I felt like. I’d used Nick, ruined my reputation, and beyond it all, lost Max by making a stupid mistake.

“Well, I think right now is the perfect time. What did you expect, Wilson? Did you really think you could make out with two different guys in the same week without either of them finding out?” Cindy spewed in her snarky way.

“Shut up, Cindy. Can’t you, for once, dig deep and find some compassion for what Wilson is going through?” Joanie barked.

“Compassion? She was playing the two ends against the middle and got caught!” Cindy said before she continued with an answerless question directed at me. “Come on, Wilson, did you really expect that you’d be able to play with fire and not get burned? Did you honestly believe they wouldn’t find out about each other?”

Her words sliced me down to the bone.

“Cindy, please, I’m sorry that I hurt your brother. I never meant for anything like that to happen.”

“You think I care about that? I could care less about you and Nick having a sleazy fling in my kitchen.”

“Then why are you being such a bitch to her?” Joanie steamed. I felt her body heaving with her words.

“Because, Joanie, finally the stellar shining star of Wesley has burned out. And what better way to make sure I get exactly what I want? I’ve got proof that our amazingly brilliant government teacher is sleeping with one of his underprivileged students,” Cindy said in a sappy tone.

That’s when I snapped. I couldn’t hold back any more. Couldn’t stand there and listen to any more of her bullshit. I just went off. Tears streamed down my cheeks, burning the already raw skin on my face.

“What do you want? What sick pleasure are you getting from ruining my life? What do you want to hear? That I’m a slut? That I made a totally screwed-up mistake and ruined my life when I kissed your brother? Or maybe you want to see me suffer because you just can’t handle the fact that Max loved me and I loved him back. There you go, Cindy, there is your ammunition: I love Max. I am totally and completely in love with him. And, up until today, he loved me back.”

My chest swelled and my head pounded with all the other words I didn’t say. With our eyes locked, I watched as Cindy’s widened and looked past me. Her face turned scarlet red before her jaw dropped open. I turned to Joanie, thinking Cindy was looking at her but when I saw Joanie looking down the stairs, her face drained of any color, I had a feeling he must be standing behind me.