Beyond Broken(37)

Maddie knew that he was struggling with something. One minute, he seemed to want her, the next he was telling her that she was desperate. One minute, he was kissing her, the next he was telling her to leave. How exhausting it must be for him, that constant battle in his mind. Wouldn't it be easier to just let go? How bad could the consequences seriously be?

Maddie sighed, suddenly tired. "I met his friend."

"Who?"

Maddie shook her head. "No one you know. His name was Luke. Him and his girlfriend stopped by the garage last night. He knew about me. He knew my name."



       
         
       
        

Kyra bounced excitedly on the couch. "Don't you see? That's all the proof you need! If he's telling his friends about you, it means you're important to him in some way."

Maddie bit her lip, feeling her face heat up. "What if it wasn't like that? What if he told them that I basically threw myself at him? Don't guys brag about stuff like that?"

"Do you honestly think Caleb would brag about something like that to his friends?"

No, Maddie didn't think he would. She couldn't picture him drinking with his buddies, laughing over his conquests … or almost-conquests. It just didn't seem like him.

A little relieved, Maddie shook her head.

"Good. Now, we just need a plan for you to bag him."

Maddie laughed, throwing a kernel of her popcorn at her. "You're crazy. You make me sound like I'm going to kidnap him or something."

"Basically. You gotta be crazy to get the good ones."

Was Caleb a 'good one' though? Maddie would've answered yes in high school. Hell, she probably would've answered yes last week. But Maddie had seen a side of Caleb she wasn't sure she liked. He could be mean. He could be nasty. He would say whatever the hell he wanted if he felt threatened by her. He'd lashed out too many times for Maddie to feel completely comfortable in his presence.

Then she remembered him tonight, shaking and crouched down in a dark corner. He'd let her see him like that-although Maddie supposed she hadn't given him much of a choice. She wondered how long he'd been suffering from episodes like that.

Long enough to know how to calm himself down, she thought sadly.

"It doesn't matter," Maddie finally said after a lengthy pause. "Because when I go into the office tomorrow, Caleb will just try and push me away again. He'll say mean things to make me want to hate him."

Kyra furrowed her brow. "That's fucked up."

"I know," Maddie said. "But even if I haven't known him long, I know what he'll do. And I'm just not sure that I want someone like him in my life, someone who feels the need to hurt me whenever he feels something for me. That's just a recipe for disaster."

"So, you're giving up?"

Maddie thought about it. Then said, "He's not in a good place right now. He might never be. So, unless he miraculously discovers that he wants to try something more with me and gets his life together, then yes, I have to give up."

"Damn," Kyra said, leaning back into the couch, staring at her wide-eyed. "Who are you and what have you done with my best friend, Maddie? You know, the one who's been obsessed with Caleb since she first laid eyes on him? Who scribbled 'Mrs. Montgomery' in all her notebooks? Who made us eat lunch in the quad so she could see him at lunch?" 

Maddie smiled sadly and lifted a shoulder in a lazy shrug, despite her embarrassed flush. "I guess she grew up and realized that her prince charming wasn't all that charming after all."

Later that night, once Maddie's last bottle of wine was emptied and they were both full of popcorn and hot chocolate, they laid on their backs on the living room floor. The people who lived above Maddie sounded like they were doing an intensive cardio workout that included a lot of jumping jacks and high kicks. Their rhythm was strangely calming.

"Remember in high school," Kyra suddenly started with a wistful, nostalgic tone, "when Anne heard from a classmate that Caleb was going to some gig in San Francisco and she'd happened to mention it to you?"

Maddie's groan turned into an embarrassed laugh. "Yeah."

"And none of us were old enough to drive yet so you made us all take BART in and we got lost near the Tenderloin?"

"Most terrifying night of my life," Maddie muttered. "Remember that homeless man who chased after us?"

Kyra laughed. "And we hid behind the dumpsters near Westfield?"

Maddie smiled. "That probably wasn't the greatest of my ideas. We couldn't even find the gig. But I was obsessed. A high school crush is a dangerous thing. Throw in raging hormones and it's an absolute disaster."