"I-I think you did the best you could in an awful situation. That's all you can do." She swallowed the lump in her throat, her mind scrambled. "I've come to terms with my dad's death. It took me a long time though. And in the end, I think you're right. I'm glad it was quick. At the same time, I wish I could've said goodbye."
The space between them was charged, the tension electric. Their dark eyes locked and held. Maddie realized that if she did this with anyone else, it would feel unnatural. It would make her fidget and would feel like ants were crawling under her skin. With Caleb, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world.
He brushed a piece of hair away from her cheek and her eyes widened. His fingertips were rough but his touch was gentle and for a moment, Maddie forgot how to breathe. How could such a simple touch affect her like this? Her lips were dry and she wetted them with her tongue. Caleb watched the movement, his gaze flickering into something else entirely. Maddie's stomach clenched when she realized it was desire. Dazed, she realized he wanted her, that he was as affected by her as she was by him.
Unconsciously, she leaned forward, just an inch or two, closing the space between them. For a moment, she thought he would kiss her. She wanted him to, wanted to discover what it would be like to feel his lips on hers, wanted to discover what a kiss felt like at all, since she'd never kissed anyone, except when she'd kissed boys on the playground before she ever even knew what a kiss was. Would he be rough? Or would he be unexpectedly gentle like his touch?
The moment was gone, however, when he pulled back those few inches she'd gained. His hand dropped away from her face and he averted his gaze, rising from the floor. For a moment, she was left reeling, wondering what had changed. The space felt cold now without his heat. She felt all wrong, like a puzzle that had been put together the wrong way, pieces jammed, edges misaligned.
Clumsily, she pushed to her feet and Caleb turned from her, retreating back to his desk. He said nothing, so Maddie didn't either. Her face burned with embarrassment, with rejection, but she took her stack of papers and sat down at her own desk, trying to put the strange moment out of her mind.
Easier said than done. No matter how much she tried to concentrate on reorganizing the 2010 stack, her mind wouldn't work. Maddie could still smell him, all around her. Her skin felt too sensitive, her breath too shallow. Finally, she saved her work and shut down the laptop, figuring that she could start fresh tomorrow.
She rose from her chair and looked at Caleb uncertainly. "I'm going to head out."
He nodded, not looking up from his computer screen. "If you don't have school work tomorrow, I'd rather you come in at noon. I won't be here tomorrow night."
Tomorrow was Saturday. She'd planned to spend the day in the library, but she could rearrange her schedule. Perhaps working in the same office when it was still light outside would keep temptation at bay. When it was just the two of them, with only Brian downstairs in the garage, it seemed too personal. Especially after tonight.
"Okay," she said quietly. "Good night."
Then she left. It felt like a relief as she escaped down the metal staircase. Coward, her mind whispered, but she didn't care. She just wanted to be alone.
Brian had already left for the night and the garage doors were shut tight. Thankfully, the side door was unlocked and she escaped the building without having to ask Caleb for help.
As she drove home, she thought of him still working in the upstairs office, alone, and it made her chest ache.
TEN
Caleb hated going home at night. As he pulled up to his uncle's house-now, his house, he supposed-he stayed inside his car, not opening the garage door, just lingering on the driveway and staring. For so long, this house had been his own personal hell. In high school, he hated coming home too. He stayed out late, only to sneak in in the early hours of morning, hoping that his aunt would be asleep. He would wake up at the break of dawn to leave. Sometimes, he went for a week-maybe two, if he was lucky-without seeing her. But, in the end, she always found him.
His hands clenched on the steering wheel, trying to calm his breath. Every night, he struggled with this. It would take him a good twenty minutes, sometimes an hour, before he'd open the garage door and pull inside. He hated this place. Even more now, because it was where his uncle had spent the majority of his sickness. It was where he'd died. It was where Caleb had seen him so diminished and where Caleb had felt the most helpless. He hated nothing more fiercely than feeling helpless. It was an emotion he knew too well.