Beyond Broken(20)

"You're rambling, princess," he snapped, hating how he also filed away that she was a student.

She bit her lip, as though she had to physically stop herself from talking. "Sorry."

Now, he felt like an asshole. Great. He rose to his feet, hoping that his erection wouldn't be as visible through his black jeans. "Fine. I'll set you up," he said, but his tone sounded impatient.

A few minutes later, he managed to dig out his uncle's laptop from the office closet. And then he also brought out a spare chair and a foldout table and set up a work space for her near the far end of the office, the furthest away from his own desk. If she noticed, she didn't comment on it. He was aware that she was watching him work and her gaze felt almost like a touch. He barely refrained from shuddering.

He wasn't sure if the laptop would even boot up. It hadn't been used since his uncle had passed away-hell, even before then-so he was surprised when the blue screen flashed on.

"There," he murmured, wiping away dust from the table with his bare hands and wiping them on his jeans.

"Thank you," she said quietly. She brushed past him to take a seat. Fists clenching, Caleb did everything possible not to drag her closer. That same fresh, citrus smell permeated his senses, making his mouth water. He wanted to kiss her skin, to bury his face in the crook of her neck, to drown in that scent.

He cleared his throat and stepped away, watching the laptop boot up. An uncomfortable and charged silence stretched between them as she too stared at the screen. When it finally loaded and Caleb saw what the desktop image was, he felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. 

It was of him and his uncle on a fishing trip. His uncle had loved to fish; Caleb liked it enough because it made his uncle happy. They were both smiling, holding up their catches of the day, his uncle's arm wrapped around his shoulders even though Caleb dwarfed him.

The picture was taken shortly after Stella, his aunt, had left. A ball of fury rose up within him whenever he thought of her, a clawing, desperate sensation that made his chest feel like it was on fire. Quickly, he cast his mind away from her, a trick that had served him well over the years. He thought of that day to refocus his thoughts, how his uncle had been happier than Caleb had seen him in a long time. It had been years before they ever received the diagnosis. No trouble haunted them in this picture. Or, at least, no troubles haunted his uncle.

It took Caleb a few moments to realize that Maddie too was staring at the picture. His first reaction was to slam the screen shut because he didn't want her knowing anything about his personal life. It would feel like an intrusion. Or an intimacy. And when it came to women, Caleb knew better than to allow either.

"You both look happy," she commented softly. "Is that your uncle?"

Hot anger began to stir inside him. He reached out and slammed the laptop closed, hard enough to make Maddie jump. She rose from the chair. But it wasn't fear he saw in her eyes when she turned to face him, but sympathy. Caleb hated that even more.

"Brian told me that he passed away recently," she said.

Caleb's lips pressed into a tight line and then he rasped, "You have no fucking right to bring that up. It's none of your business."

Maddie flinched at the loathing in his voice and brought out a hand to touch his arm. "Caleb, I-"

He tore himself away from her touch, giving her a glare. "Save your fucking sympathy, princess," spitting out the word as though it were poison. His voice rose. "I've heard it all. Every combination of words that people think I want to hear. What are you going to say? That you're 'sorry for my loss?' That I'll be 'in your thoughts and prayers?' That my uncle was a great man and he didn't deserve to die so soon? Or maybe you'd just go with the classic 'my condolences?'"

"No, I-," she started, her eyes beginning to look suspiciously glassy. Good, Caleb thought bitterly. Something he was finally good at … making women cry.

"You think I want to hear any of it? Especially from someone like you? I don't even know you! You have no fucking right to feel sorry for me."

The office was quiet, as though all the air had gone out of the room. Even Brian and Peter were quiet downstairs, no sign of the radio or the clanking of tools on concrete, which had once been something like music to him.

All Caleb could do was stare at the woman in front of him. He told himself to turn away, to not give a fuck about what he'd just said, that it was all true. But for some reason, he just couldn't tear his gaze away from those big, brown, sad eyes.

Finally, Maddie spoke. In a whisper, she said, "None of them."

"What?"

"None of them," she repeated, raising her voice. "I wouldn't have said any words of sympathy. I know what it's like to lose someone you love and how much it hurts. People lie when they say time cures all, because it doesn't cure anything. It just makes it easier to deal with the reality that someone you love is gone and they're never coming back. It hurts and it always will."