His eyes wandered over to the spot where Maddie had stood only a couple hours before and he felt that same restlessness take over him.
Why couldn't she just leave it alone? he thought. The pain, the realization that had slowly shadowed her entire face wouldn't leave him. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her, and he hated himself all over again. What he'd been fearing, what he'd already known … she loved him.
Fuck!
He'd been happy with her. The happiest he'd ever been in his entire life. He'd finally started looking forward to his future, his future with her and their baby girl, and then Maddie said those words to him and it was like a sucker punch in the gut. Immediately, it was like a defense mechanism went into effect. He pulled away from her. Distanced himself. Because it was easier.
Tonight, he'd hurt her. Because he'd needed to.
He squeezed his eyes shut, but she was there, and he gave a bellow of frustration, feeling his blood run hot and rapid in his veins.
He was useless here. It was already past ten at night and he felt like he could sleep for a hundred hours, to make up for all the hours he'd tossed and turned this week, jolting in and out of sleep, reaching for Maddie's warm body, only to realize that he wasn't in their bed. The worst part was that he resented her for it. Resented her for making him want her, need her, for wiggling into his life so thoroughly that he couldn't even imagine a life without her in it.
He took no pleasure in the drive back home that night. Usually, it was one of the best parts of his day. He liked his job, took pride in what he did, but going home, knowing that Maddie would be in the living room, reading one of her books with her hair up, belly slowing growing each and every day, knowing that Peter was safe and sketching happily at the kitchen island, knowing that he'd find peace the moment he stepped into that house … there was no greater feeling.
When he unlocked the front door and stepped inside the house that night, it was dark and quiet. The light in Peter's room was off and Caleb figured he'd gone to sleep already. Maddie wasn't in the living room or the kitchen. She was probably tucked in bed already, sleeping on her right side, like she was prone to do, hair softly brushing her cheek.
Just the thought of her filled him with longing, but he tried to ignore it. They'd get over this bump eventually, but even Caleb knew that she wouldn't want to see him tonight. He'd talk to her in the morning when she was fresh and make her realize that love was just a word, that it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but that what they had together was real. The life they were building together was real. That was all that truly mattered.
It still didn't stop him from stopping outside the master bedroom. No light was seeping out from underneath the door and it was quiet inside. A part of him was so tempted to just saying fuck it and tell her that she'd been right, about everything. But that scared the shit out of him and even as he reached for the door knob, he knew he'd never open it.
Tomorrow, he reminded himself, pulling his hand away. She'll understand. She has to.
He turned away.
* * *
Peter was quiet on the car ride to his high school. Caleb had been dropping him off for quite some time now every morning after his run, so immediately, he knew that something was off.
"Did you schedule your driving lessons yet?" Caleb asked, trying to strike up a conversation.
Peter had passed his permit test just the week before and true to his word, he hadn't missed a single question. So, Caleb had agreed to pay for his lessons and even though he hadn't told Peter yet, he already had a lead on a car for him when he finally got his driver's license.
He nodded in the passenger seat, looking out the window. "My first one is next Monday."
"Good."
Then it was quiet again.
"Are you excited?" Caleb asked.
All he got was a shrug and Caleb didn't push him anymore. A few minutes later, the high school came into view, a line of cars lined up on the street, parents dropping their kids off in a little roundabout area closest to the school entrance.
"You can just drop me off here," Peter mumbled. They were at least a quarter mile away from the gates. Caleb usually waited in the carpool line to drop him off right in front and they were in no rush this morning. He'd planned to go into work late after he had a talk with Maddie this morning.
"We have time," Caleb said, casting a glance over at the teenager.
"It's fine. I can walk."
Caleb frowned, but pulled up next to the sidewalk, right next to the edge of the football field. "Is something wrong, Peter?"
Peter stared straight in front of him, fumbling with a flap on the backpack that Maddie had bought for him when she'd realized how worn down his old one was.