“I almost left the vampire world once.”
Elissa frowned at that. “Why? You seem to prefer your vampire side to your incubus one.”
She worked lower, scrubbing the shorter hair at the back of his head.
“I had a mate once.”
She froze and stared at the back of his head, her fingers paused against his scalp. Oh. She wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that. This was just a one night deal. Wasn’t it?
Did she want more from Payne than one night?
“Why did you stop?” he said and when she didn’t answer, he turned to face her, rising to his full height. His eyebrows knit together, causing his dark grey eyes to narrow, and he looked as though he wanted to smooth his palm across her cheek to reassure her. He ducked his head under the water instead. “I had a mate once but it only lasted a brief time. She was beautiful and I loved her... but she didn’t like my vampire nature.”
“She didn’t love all of you?” She couldn’t contain that one.
What sort of woman would love only part of Payne?
He ran his hands over his hair, slicking it back and shook his head. “She was fae and you know what they can be like.”
“She thought you were tainted by darkness because you were a vampire.” Elissa knew all about fae and their stupid rules. They were worse than witches. Fae had a rule about everything, especially vampires. They hated them more than witches did. At least witches had a reason to find vampires dark and objectionable.
As far as Elissa knew, vampires had never tried to exterminate any of the fae species.
“She wanted me to turn my back on that part of myself and my family... and she almost convinced me to go along with it, but I don’t feel I belong in the fae world. I’m closer to my vampire roots than my fae ones, despite all the shit that has happened to me.”
“What happened?”
He sighed and leaned his shoulders back against the tiles. “I asked her to love me as I was, a vampire first and foremost.”
Elissa knew from the pain surfacing in his eyes that it hadn’t ended there and it hadn’t ended well.
Payne closed his eyes and his markings shifted again, turning shades of black, purple and blue. Was that hurt?
“What did she do to you, Payne?” Elissa laid her hand on his cheek and he opened his eyes and looked down into hers. Red edged his irises but he still looked lost and wounded.
“She knew my real name.”
“Mother earth! She didn’t?” Elissa couldn’t contain her shock. Her heart went out to him and she had her arms wrapped around his neck before she could even think about what she was doing. He surprised her by looping his around her waist and crushing her against his body. He was trembling.
He turned his head and settled his cheek on her shoulder. His voice dropped to a low, hoarse, wounded whisper that conveyed the terrible depth of the pain in his heart. “I hated her... I hate her.”#p#分页标题#e#
He growled and Elissa tightened her grip on him with one arm and stroked his back with her other hand, hoping to soothe him. His fingers pressed hard into her lower back, clutching her to him so desperately that she wanted to cry for his sake, because she knew that he was crying inside, wounded beyond repair by the woman he had loved.
She had tried to use his name to enslave him.
Mother earth, no wonder he had been so reluctant to submit to her tonight.
No wonder he was so messed up about his dual nature.
She lowered her head and kissed his strong shoulder, pouring her heart into each press of her lips, wishing they would take away some of his pain and his suffering.
If she had known what that bitch had done to him, she never would have asked him to submit to her. She would have done things differently.
Elissa held him, feeling him shaking in her arms. How could someone who had claimed to love him do something so terrible to him? The woman must have known that Payne was at war with himself, unable to accept his fae blood for some reason. Yet she had tried to make him reject his vampire side, the one part of himself he was comfortable with.
What his mate had done to him was abominable and inexcusable, but Elissa knew it wasn’t the reason he felt he brought only pain to this world. Had something even more terrible happened to him in his past?
“You’re getting cold,” she whispered against his damp shoulder and turned off the water. “Can I ask you something and will you answer honestly?”
He drew back enough to rub his face but not enough that she could see what he was doing. Had she made him cry by bringing up his past? The thought that she might have made her feel abysmal. He cleared his throat and stood, no trace of tears in his eyes.
“Go ahead,” he said, sounding composed and emotionless. His markings were dull grey again. She was beginning to get the impression he could school them as easily as he schooled his features.