Logan nodded, set down the card and painting, then willed his legs to get him into the kitchen.
Tess loved him. His mother had seen it clear as day, but he hadn't. Maybe he would have if he hadn't had his self-absorbed head up his own ass, as his mom had pointed out the other day. He hadn't seen anything. Nothing but his own fears and insecurities. If he hadn't been so wrapped up in his own crap and looked at her, he likely would've known. And not pushed her away, and not hurt her, and . . . crap.
He leaned against the counter for a minute, head spinning. Holy hell, she loved him. He was the luckiest man on earth if that was true. He had to ask her. Damn, he had to fix things. If he even could . . . he had to try.
But first, he had to take care of his mom. As much as his heart and soul were screaming for Tess at that moment, that came first. He put up the water to boil, then called his mother's doctor.
Tess woke up in darkness. Her insistent bladder wouldn't let her stay asleep. She lumbered out of bed, used the restroom, then got right back into bed. The message light on her cell phone blinked at her. She turned it over, glanced at the clock-2:32 in the morning-then burrowed into her pillows and closed her eyes. Probably one of her brothers checking on her; the three of them had hovered since learning she was pregnant. They could wait until morning. She quickly fell back to sleep.
When she opened her eyes again, it was because Bubbles had hopped onto her bed to nudge her as she snuggled. Tess smiled, affectionately stroking her dog's soft white fur as she stretched her stiff limbs and yawned. A glance at the windows showed a sunny day outside; early spring had finally arrived. The buds on the trees were an almost neon yellow-green, so bright against the blue of the sky.
Bubbles yipped and nudged her again.
"Potty time, miss?" Tess singsonged. "You gotta go?"
Bubbles barked.
"Yeah, me too. I hear you." She glanced at the clock. It was just past eight. She'd be working from home today, so it was all right that she'd slept so late. She took herself and Bubbles through their morning routine, then went back up to her room to get her phone and check her messages. Sitting on her bed, she saw two voice mails had come in the night before. She'd fallen asleep early, around nine, so she'd missed them both. The first one was from Lisette, inviting her over for dinner on Saturday. The second one was from Logan. She felt her blood run cold as soon as he started talking. He sounded . . . wrong.
"Hi Tess, it's me. Um . . . I've been . . . uh . . . shit. Shit. I don't know what to say. There's so much. I just . . . Well, I'll say the rest later, but for right now, I knew you'd want to know that my mom's in the hospital. Went in a few hours ago. She has a high fever, she's, um . . . It's not good. I don't know . . ." He paused for a long moment, long enough for Tess's heart to stutter in her chest. His voice was raw as he said, "I wish you were here with me. I wish I could just hold you. I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm upset. And I miss you like hell."
Tess gasped and tears sprung to her eyes.
"I just needed to hear your voice. But I guess you're not taking my calls. I don't blame you. I was an asshole the last time we talked, and I'm really sorry for that. But . . . man, you know what, that painting is amazing. My mom loves it. That was an incredible gift. Thank you for sending her that. Um . . ." He cleared his throat, but his voice was still gravelly as he went on. "So, yeah. She's not good. Neither one of us are, really. I, uh . . . I need you, Tess. I want you in my life. Please don't disappear. I'm sorry for being such a jackass. Call me soon, let's talk this out, okay? Okay. Hope you're feeling good. Bye."
Sniffing back her tears, Tess jumped off the bed and ran to her bathroom. She had to shower, and she had to pack. She had to get to Logan as fast as she could.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Logan stood in the cafeteria of the hospital, choking down one of the worst chocolate chip cookies he'd ever had. He hated this place. The antiseptic smell, the fluorescent lights, the air of despondency that seemed to pervade every corridor . . . He hated hospitals in general. Nothing good ever happened here.
His mom's fever hadn't lowered yet. The doctor said it was typical, but they hadn't found the exact cause yet. Her white blood cell count was high, she was on antibiotics . . . It was a waiting game. At least she hadn't had a seizure, and wasn't in pain or out of it. She was woozy, but clear of mind.
He'd taken her to the hospital the night before, gotten her admitted, and stayed with her for a few hours before they asked him to leave for the night. He'd gone home and called Tess, to no avail. Clearly, his attempts at pushing her away had finally stuck. Miserable about that, he'd barely slept, then gone back to the hospital first thing in the morning and stayed with his mom all day, watching those cooking shows she liked so much. Truth was, he liked them too.
He glanced at the clock on the wall. Half past one. This was the first time he'd left her room. She'd insisted he go take a walk, get some fresh air, which he'd begrudgingly done . . . It was spring outside. Hints of white and green in the trees, birdsong, flowers poking their heads out . . . signs of life. Signs of life while his mom was dying. Signs of life, like the baby growing inside Tess that he'd never get to know. He'd signed away all his rights, and she was hurt and angry, not talking to him. The world was cruel sometimes. He hated the world today.
He'd gone back to the cafeteria to grab something sweet. Sugar would help. But the cookies tasted like sawdust. He was spoiled; he wanted Pistelli's cookies, dammit.
So he left the hospital. They'd text him immediately if they needed him, and his mom seemed to be holding steady. Being away for less than an hour wouldn't be a problem. He drove into downtown, got a pound of mixed cookies from Pistelli's, then headed back to the hospital. Surely some decent cookies would not only cheer him up, but his mom too.
When he pushed open the door of his mom's room, he almost dropped the box. Tess was sitting at his mother's bedside. He blinked, gaping at her in disbelief.
Her big blue eyes locked with his. "Hi," she whispered as she got to her feet.
"Hey." She was there. Shock clobbered him. He didn't take his eyes off hers, but managed to put the box of cookies on the tiny table.
Annmarie looked from one to the other, then said to her son, "I was wondering where you went. Are those Pistelli's cookies?"
"Yes, ma'am." He still stared at Tess as if in a trance.
"Good boy. I'll enjoy those." Annmarie sighed. "Know what? I'm in the way here, but I can't go anywhere. Why don't you two go out in the hallway and talk?"
Logan tentatively held out a hand to Tess. She went to him without hesitation and slipped her hand into his. His heart expanded at the feel of her soft, warm skin as he closed his fingers around hers. They went out to the hallway, and as soon as the door closed behind them, she turned to hold him tight.
His arms banded around her, his eyes closed as his head dropped down to rest on top of hers, and his whole body relaxed for the first time in weeks.
"I'm so goddamn glad you're here," he whispered roughly against her ear.
Her fingers sorted through his hair, along his neck, his back. "I'm here, honey, I'm here," she whispered back. "I fell asleep early last night, I didn't get your voice mail until this morning. Once I heard it, I couldn't get here fast enough. I asked Charles to let me use the Harrison Enterprises jet . . . It was the quickest way."
His arms tightened around her, pressing her even closer. "Thank you for that."
"I love you," she said, her voice breaking. She pulled back to look into his eyes. He saw her tears, saw the raw emotions there . . . and it both broke him and saved him at the same time. "I love you, Logan. So much. I'm here for you, if you'll let me be."
"Oh, I'll let you. I love you too," he said. He reached up to hold her face with gentle hands, stroking her skin as if she were the most precious thing on earth. "I should've told you that a long time ago."
She stared at him, her mouth a little O of shock, apparently as surprised by his words as he'd been at seeing her.
"I have so much to tell you," he said. "We need to talk . . . There are so many things . . ."
"We will," she assured him. "Not right now. But we will. I'll be here for a few days. It's okay."
"No, this part can't wait. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I hurt you. I was . . ." He sighed heavily. "I was messed up. But I'm clear now. I love you, I want you, I need you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Tess." He brushed her hair back with both hands, then held her shoulders and looked right into her eyes. "I want us to be together. Really together. Not because of a deal, not because you're pregnant, but because you're my best friend and I'm crazy in love with you and I don't ever want to let you go again. I want to make this work somehow. Do you think we can do that?"