"Oh. I hadn't even thought of it. Thank you for doing that."
"Of course." He turned to look at her as he opened the heavy front door. "Hope you enjoy your stay."
"I will." She followed him, holding the doorknob as she looked up into his handsome face. "Thanks again, for everything. Have a great rest of your day."
"Thanks. You too." He flashed her one last grin, then stepped outside.
She watched his long, strong legs carry him as he strode to his truck, a silver Ford F-150 with a long flatbed. The truck, like its owner, was big and powerfully built. She closed the door and turned back to look at the wide, high-ceilinged rooms, the burnished wood and glass, the rusts, tans, browns, and olive of the décor . . . and let out a long exhale of contentment. She'd done it. She was far from home, on her own, free to do what she wanted.
And what she wanted was to make herself a temple to peace and serenity. So her body would get ready to become pregnant, and then hopefully conceive without too many attempts once she picked a sperm donor. She'd already started her research on the plane, and narrowed the clinics down to a top-notch facility, just outside Aspen city limits. She intended to interview the staff there right after the new year.
This trip would be her personal retreat. Without being watched over by her family or friends, free to have wobbly days if they happened, free to do whatever she liked before committing herself one hundred percent to life as a single mother.
A feeling of calm washed over her as she sank down onto one of the plush rust-colored sofas. She stared out at the magnificent view of the mountains and the spread of forest before them. She'd done the right thing, coming here. Something told her it was going to be exactly what she needed to venture into this new part of her life.
* * *
By the end of her second day, Tess felt more settled. She'd gone grocery shopping; stopped into the yoga center to sign up for classes twice a week and a one-on-one session every Wednesday; stocked up on paints, brushes, and two new canvasses; and taken a morning hike along the winding path up the mountain. While in town, she'd run into a few acquaintances who were also in Aspen for the holidays, which was a pleasant surprise. She'd even made a lunch date with Allie Connors, an old friend from grad school who'd married well, had three kids, and had a house on Red Mountain not far from hers. Allie had always been able to get Tess to open up and enjoy herself; she'd be good company for the few weeks she'd be around.
Initially, Tess had thought she'd live like a monk while in Aspen, but seeing Allie had excited her. She was a social butterfly, she couldn't deny it. Seeing people here and there would be better for her than living in complete isolation.
Tess took her tall glass of ice water into the living room and sank down onto the longest couch, opposite the fireplace. A yawn escaped her as Bubbles hopped up to snuggle her, and Tess checked the clock on her cell phone. Just past four, it seemed like an ideal time to catch a catnap. She stretched out on the soft cushions, propped a throw pillow behind her head, cradled Bubbles, and let her eyes slip closed.
Her phone rang, and she groaned. She had personal ringtones for all the men of her family: Frank Sinatra's "My Way" for Pierce, Justin Timberlake's "Can't Stop the Feeling" for Dane, David Bowie's "Heroes" for Charles, and Coldplay's "Viva la Vida" for her father. Now, as Bowie sang at her for the fourth time in two days, she knew she couldn't put her eldest brother off anymore and answered the call. "Hello there."
"About time you answered," Charles half growled. "You let me go to voice mail one more time, and I was getting on a plane tomorrow to make sure you were okay."
"God, you're a bear," she teased. "I'm fine. I just want some alone time."
"You're not fine," he asserted. "You took off. You're not answering calls, not mine, or Dane's, or Pierce's. Why won't you tell any of us what's going on?" He paused. "I'm really worried about you. I care. I'm not trying to be a jerk, I'm just concerned. Don't you get that?"
"I do. I'm sorry." She sighed and shifted her position, rolling onto her back so she could gaze out the glass wall while they spoke. Pine trees parted just enough to reveal the majestic mountaintops beyond. She knew this would be a long talk, and opted to enjoy the view during it. "I didn't mean to worry anyone, and didn't think I would. You're all overreacting a little. I just . . . got a little selfish for the first time in a long time. Wanted to do something for myself, by myself. I'm sorry you're concerned, and I assure you there's no reason to be."
"Two months, Tess?" Charles's voice had softened some, but still held firm. "You want to be away from everyone-your family, your huge circle of friends, your career-for two whole months, maybe more. Yes, we're all concerned. And you're still not really telling anyone why. Why is that?"
"Because my life is my own," she said, an edge to her voice she hadn't counted on. "You all have your wives, someone to answer to. I don't have to answer to anyone."
He paused, and Tess could almost hear the gears clicking in his head. Charles was an incredibly smart, shrewd man who was renowned for how he could read people. She waited to hear what he'd come up with. "Tess . . . you're not sick, are you?"
"What?" she sputtered. That wasn't what she'd thought he'd say. "No!"
"You sure you're all right?"
"Yes. I swear. In fact, I'm in the best physical health I've been in for a long time."
"Okay . . ."
She sighed again. She wasn't being fair. If it was the other way around, and one of her brothers had done what she had, she'd be going out of her mind, wondering why and worrying. "Charles . . . there's no big mystery. I'm not sick and hiding it. I just wanted some time for myself. A drastic change of scene. Something of a retreat. It's not about anyone but me."
He grunted, signifying he appreciated that, but it wasn't enough.
So she added, "I'm painting, of course, and I'll be working from here, so no, I haven't abandoned my career. I'm also taking yoga classes, I'll see some friends who are in town . . . I promise I'm still getting out and doing things. I just need to do this right now." She wasn't sure why she didn't want to tell him she was planning to get pregnant soon, but she knew it was the right call. "I swear there's nothing to worry about. You all are just so used to having me around in the background, you're aware of my absence now."
"That's . . . Jesus, Tess. That's how you think we all think of you? As merely some background support to lean on when it suits one of us?" Charles spat a curse under his breath. "I can't believe you could even say that. Don't you know what you mean to us?"
Tess smiled gently. "Yes, Charles, I do. But-"
"But nothing. You're not some Greek chorus for the Harrison brothers, dammit."
"Aren't I, though?" she said. Only as she said it did she realize how true it was. Maybe that was why she didn't want to reveal her dreams just yet. The bit of resentment on her part astounded her. She'd never thought that consciously, but it had flown out of her mouth. And now that Charles had said it . . . "In a way, I have been. And now you're all fine, and you don't need me around like you did before, and it's time for me to do something for myself. You're all busy, you'll barely miss me."
"We all love you, Tess," Charles said. "We'll always need you. You're our only sister, and our trusted friend. Sure, we've grown to count on you, because the four of us are a team. But we adore you. Hell, Dane named his hotel after you, for Pete's sake. You're our best girl. Always will be."
Tess didn't say anything, but something in her warmed at his words.
Charles continued, "No one's begrudging you having something for yourself. We're just concerned because it's unusual behavior for you, and I know there's something behind it. Something specific is driving this and you're not telling me. I'd bet that ski house on it."
She bit down on her lip. He knew her too well. "I'm fine. I promise you that."
"Nice deflection. It only confirms my suspicions, Tess," he said. "But I'll respect your privacy for now." He grunted softly in frustration. She could hear him shuffling papers, likely at his desk. "I don't know what's going on now any more than when you picked up the phone, and that bothers the hell out of me. But I hope you know-I thought you did-that I'm here for you always, when you're ready to tell me whatever's going on. I am, Dane and Pierce are, even Lisette, Julia, and Abby would be. We all love you."