Between You and Me(50)

If she told him the whole truth, he'd leave. Because what he'd told  Carrie, and Tess herself, was his truth: He didn't do relationships.  He'd been hurt too much by his ex-wife, and lost too much after Katrina.  So they could be friends as long as he didn't feel pressured for more,  as long as it was the initial deal he'd agreed to.

The last thing she could do is tell him what she'd realized tonight . . .  that she was falling in love with him. And as much as his prime  directive was not to be tied to anyone, hers was equally clear: She  wanted a baby more than anything in the world. More than her own  romantic happiness. So she wasn't willing to jeopardize whatever this  was between them. If she told him what she was feeling now, he'd run for  the hills like he had when she'd first asked him to be her donor-only  this time, he wouldn't look back. Her own heart, her own feelings and  desires, would have to stay on lockdown. Logan felt a bond with her, and  that was great. She believed him when he said that she and their  friendship were important to him. But he didn't want to be loved, and he  didn't want anything lasting, and that wouldn't change.

When he said good night, she pressed her lips together and said nothing,  only lifting her hand to give a jaunty little wave as he left her  bedroom and closed the door behind him.





Chapter Nineteen

Tess went for a long walk the next morning, trudging up the hiking path  along Red Mountain. She had too much swirling inside her head and heart;  clear fresh air would be a good balm for that. The sky was crystalline  blue and the air frigid. Snow covered the ground, but someone had  cleared the narrow hiking path. Probably Logan, she realized. He managed  over half of the houses on Red Mountain. A solid, capable, steady man  like him was in high demand among the high-end clients.                       
       
           



       

Logan . . . God help her, she wasn't just falling in love with him, she  was already in love with him. She'd have to call on every trick she'd  ever learned about masking her emotions in the boardroom to get through  being with him in the bedroom. The easy affection and camaraderie they  shared would help; she could still be playful, touch him, tease him . . .  but she'd have to be careful about anything more than that seeping  through. If he sensed she wanted more, he'd likely end the deal . . .  like he had with Carrie.

Tess focused on visualization as she walked. She put her mental energy  into thinking of her future baby. She visualized sitting on her couch  back at home, cradling her baby in her arms . . . and Logan, sitting  with them, smiling. Damn. Even in her mindful fantasies, he made his way  into her thoughts.

When she got back to the house, her cell phone light blinked like crazy.  She picked it up to see several texts waiting for her. Grabbing a  bottle of water from the fridge first, she drank some down before  settling into the sofa. Bubbles leapt up to snuggle her feet as she  scrolled through the texts.

One from Carrie. Wow. Hi Tess. I wanted to apologize for last night. I  was mad at him, not you. I shouldn't have sniped at you, and I'm really  sorry.

Tess answered immediately. Hi Carrie. I understand completely. Apology accepted. Thanks for reaching out.

To Tess's surprise, Carrie responded right away. Thank you for being  gracious. When I got to work this morning, I saw you already dropped my  class. I feel awful. I thought you enjoyed it.

Tess pursed her lips as she thought about it. Then she typed: Yes, I  enjoyed it very much. And yes, I dropped it first thing this morning. I  thought, for obvious reasons, it was the right thing to do.

Carrie didn't answer for a minute. Then her text came in. I hope you'll  reconsider, but I understand if you don't. Either way, I'm sorry about  the rude comment. Not my best moment.

I'll think about it, Tess responded. And again, I do appreciate your apology. We're good.

Tess sat back, settling deeper into the plush cushions of the couch.  Carrie was a good person, and she was glad they'd talked. But was it  fair to rejoin her class, and maybe have either of them feel  uncomfortable? Probably not. She could take another class with a  different instructor.

Next text was from Logan. Good morning. Just thought I'd let you know  that my back looks like I got in a fight with a wildcat and lost. Ouch.  And hot damn.

Warmth unfurled low in her belly as she smiled. Raaaawwwr, she typed back.

He didn't answer right away. Probably working.

Next text was the group text thread she had with her three brothers. Her brows lifted as she saw all three of them had piped in.

Hi Tess, Charles had started. Got an angry call from Dad. Seems you put  him in his place, so hooray for you. But he said you told him you might  not come home until April. That's not true, is it?

Don't ever believe anything the old man says, Pierce had written next.  Don't you know that yet? He's a shit stirrer. Tess would've told us if  she was going to stay away that long.

I don't know, Charles said. Yes, he's a shit stirrer, as you say. But he  sounded pretty adamant about it. I had no answer for him.

Because maybe it's true, Dane had piped in. We've discussed how our  darling Tesstastic hasn't been as communicative as she used to be. Maybe  he wrangled that bit of news out of her when he pissed her off . . .  Um, Tess? Honey? Feel free to clue us all in. Don't make us wonder, just  set us straight.

Shit, Pierce had written. You've got a point, big brother. Tess? What he said. Get in touch, okay?

Yes, please do, Charles wrote. So the next time Dad calls to rage about  you, which will likely be every day now that he's focused on this, I can  tell him to STFU and leave you alone.

You should tell him that anyway, Pierce wrote at the end of the thread.  Tess can do whatever she wants, she doesn't have to answer to him, FFS.

"Oh my God," Tess breathed. She quickly texted them all: I'm here, I'm  here. Went for a hike on the mountain and came back to this. You sound  like a pack of hens.

Cluck cluck, Dane wrote back immediately. Tell us what's going on,  please. You're staying there until the spring? Is that actually true?                       
       
           



       

Yes, she wrote. As of now, staying until March for sure, possibly April.  Don't know yet. She held her breath, waiting for the avalanche.

Jesus Christ, Dane wrote. Why?

Aw man, Pierce wrote.

Fuck, Charles texted. I hate it when Dad's right & I was in the dark. Goddammit.

Sorry, Tess wrote. It wasn't planned initially . . . I'm playing it by  ear. I've got a situation here that's turned into . . . How could she  tell them without telling them? She paused, then wrote, It's on a  month-to-month basis now. So I'm rolling with it as it goes.

WTF??? Dane texted. What does that even mean?

Could you be a bit less vague? Charles asked.

So, Pierce wrote. What's his name? ;)

Tess barked out a laugh at that. Not only because he'd kind of guessed  correctly, but she knew if she told him both of their parents had asked  the same thing, he'd be so ticked off. I'm fine. I'm working remotely,  I'm exercising every day, I'm painting and skiing and enjoying myself.  That's all anyone needs to know right now. Please respect my privacy.

None of her brothers responded to that for a full minute. She sighed.

I love you guys, she wrote. I promise, I swear, that I'm fine. And I'll  be better about answering calls or texts from now on. Okay?

Okay, Pierce said. It's your life, Tess. Do your thing. We're here.

Oh, fuck that! Dane wrote. I'm the only one with a million questions here?

No, Charles answered. But if she wanted to tell us what's going on, she  would. Clearly, we're not to be privy to such information.

Stop being surly babies, Pierce wrote. It's not about us. Leave her be. Respect her wishes.

I am! Dane shot back. But I don't have to like it. I'm worried. And I  miss my sister, and I don't like not knowing what the hell's going on  that's keeping her away for months at a time. There, I said it, and I'm  not sorry, but I'll stop now.

Ditto, Charles wrote.

She couldn't help but smile, even as she rolled her eyes. I love you  all, she texted. I'm a lucky girl to have such protective brothers.  Thank you.

Just don't disappear, okay? Dane wrote.

That'll never happen, Tess answered. Besides . . . by the time I get  home, I have a feeling I'll need you all more than ever. Just taking a  break from the world right now.

I get that, Pierce wrote. Been there.Take it easy, okay Tessie?

I am, she wrote. She smiled to herself as she tucked her legs beneath her. It's been wonderful.

The kids miss you, Charles responded. Give them a call soon, if you would?

I will, she wrote back. I promise. Which night is good?

Friday, Charles wrote. After 8:00.

Will do, Tess wrote. All of you send your wives my love, okay?

I miss my buddy, Dane wrote. That's all. Love you, Tesstastic.

Her heart gave a squeeze as she wrote. Awww. I miss you and love you too. All of you. Talk to you soon. Xoxo